I recently finished Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit
In her chapter on “Hard Work and Dying to Self,” Maxwell emphasizes that as mothers, we should not expect much time to ourselves. This is a tough one for me. In the past, I have identified myself as the type of mom who needs time away from my kids. Lately, God has shown me that this is not a need, it is a desire. He supplies it often, but I should not demand it. And I should not grow resentful when I don’t think I’m getting enough of it. Every minute that I’m with my kids is an opportunity to share the Gospel with them, train them in righteousness, and love them. I should not wish that time away.
Another great point in this chapter was that if you were not homeschooled, you should be careful not to compare your life to your mother’s. In most cases, your mother had five days each week while you were at school to complete housework, work outside the home, or accomplish other wonderful things. She probably spent evenings and weekends relaxing with her husband and family. If you are homeschooling, your life will look very different. I know that once my kids are in school part-time, it will be difficult for me to not compare my life to my friends whose kids are in school full-time. I’m sure I will sway back and forth between insane jealousy and self-righteous pride in our choice–both sinful attitudes. I pray that God will keep me humbly obedient to what He has called us to do.
Another great point that Maxwell discusses is our role as a helper for our husband. (See Genesis 2:18.) She writes that we are not to view our husband as our helper (although he hopefully will be from time to time!), but we should be looking for ways we can help and support him. I am definitely guilty of thinking, “What can my husband do to help me today?” After all, he has been idly sitting around operating on people’s hands while I slave away at home all day! I cringe at the thought of serving him–do I seriously have to add one more person to the list of people who demand my help and attention? And yet, Genesis 2 tells me that this is my role. I was created to be Noel’s helpmeet. And God will provide the strength to fulfill this role.
One last thing I loved in this book was her reminder that we need to smile more at home. I wish I could see myself through my kids eyes, or walk around with a mirror in front of my face. I suspect that my face shows annoyance, exhaustion and frustration more than it shows joy. Maxwell suggests that making an effort to smile more will go a long way toward creating a more joyful atmosphere in the home. Surely I can handle that!
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When you offered to loan me the book a few days ago, I thought, no, not now–I have too much else to read and my attitude about homeschool is ok. But, “we should be looking for ways we can help and support” our husbands–ouch, that hurt. I’ve been really convicted about that the since I read your post.
I was really encouraged by the insight that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our non-homeschooling moms and friends. I guess I just hadn’t thought about it that way.
Thanks for the great synopsis.
I agree Lynette– I haven’t even read the book yet and feel convicted. To smile more, help my husband more, and not “wish away” time with my kids. I’ll have to find this book at the library and read it too. Thanks, Marissa!
Hi Marissa! I stumbled upon your blog last week, and I’ve really enjoyed reading it and felt really challenged. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only grown-up who will happily admit that I was once obsessed with NKOTB. 🙂
HI there,
Anyone have a copy they’d like to share? I’m about to start a bible study on this…I’ve just been thinking lately that 1) are children are supposed to “put us to death” meaning our self life and our flesh life…and that God makes it this way so the life of Christ will live in us 2) Anger is related to unforgiveness. Love covers a multitude of offenses…so the problem is not showing anger, nor preventing it, but cutting it off at the root. Kids walk in their flesh and have not been born again in order to overcome this by the Life of Christ and the Holy Spirit. They need forgiveness and grace from us, even as we diligently discipline them.
Should we be angry that a person in sin- sins? We should expect this….and this revelation brings much grace. Also when we fear judging others (including our kids- in self-righteousness, critical spirit, or bitterness) God will judge us so that’s motivating to change our minds about our kids.
So anger- we need to understand the Gospel that the Lord Jesus already defeated this sin in us at the cross and His life in us doesn’t not walk in anger. We receive that by faith and hold onto this – until the Lord brings it to pass in us…
Oh BTW I should add that I have 4 kids 6 and under so I can relate to this struggle!!! Also one used to be autistic until the Lord healed him.
He has been very faithful in delivering me from anger…and giving me peace in my Spirit. As I learn to hear the Lord’s voice and be led by Him- I do have much peace and meekness. This is the life of Christ in me and not my old life. I used to throw furniture at my husband during arguments in the past! So the Lord is very faithful to change our natures- to write His law on our hearts and to put in us His life and His Spirit to do this in us.
So accept your death, rest in the crucifixtion to self the kiddos bring, and turn to the Lord in your exhaustion, frustration, and sin. He will save you, deliver you, and change you. His power is made perfect in weakness. The more you are forgiven, the more you love Him so He is happy to forgive you!!