Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

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Three Simple Ways to Support a Friend With Cancer During the Holidays

November 29, 2017 by Marissa 4 Comments

Three simple ways to support a friend with cancer during the holidays.

In December 2010, I laid in bed while elves decorated my house for Christmas.

That might sound like a dream come true, right? We all struggle to juggle our typical busy schedules plus the demands of the holiday season.

But the year I battled cancer, spending late-night hours wrapping gifts and baking cookies wasn’t an option. I couldn’t even care for my family, so there was no way I could prepare for the holidays on my own. Thankfully, my elves—my amazing friends—knew I needed help, and they showed up to support our family.

If you have a friend fighting cancer this Christmas, you may wonder how to support her, especially in the midst of your own busy schedule. I’ve got a few suggestions that will hopefully shed light on your friend’s needs and ways you can help.

1. Help your friend with holiday tasks.

Depending on her treatment schedule and energy level, your friend might need just a little help or an entire sleigh of elves to pull her through. Try offering to help in one of these ways and see if she takes you up on it!

  • Offer to decorate her house for Christmas.

Ask your friend if there are any decorations that they want to do as a family. Maybe they love to put the ornaments on the tree or hang the stockings, but you could put up everything else. Tell her you’ll be back after Christmas to put the decorations away, and then follow through when the time comes!

  • Offer to help with her Christmas shopping.

Let your friend know which stores you’re hitting this week and ask if she needs anything there. Or you could pick your friend up and take her with you. She can run as many errands as she feels up to and then sit in the car while you finish. This gives you the added benefit of having time with your friend while you shop!

  • Give her a hand with the gift-wrapping.

You could offer to pick up gifts to wrap at your house, or you could bring over your wrapping paper, a movie, and hot cocoa, and work together to get the job done. Either way, make sure you let her write the names on the tags. Her family will want to see her handwriting on Christmas morning, not yours.

2. Understand your friend’s mixed emotions

Having cancer during the holidays is a bummer. Your friend’s Christmas may be tainted by her treatment schedule, financial stress, difficult emotions, and the inability to travel or keep her typical family traditions.

When I had cancer, I was devastated each time my health issues kept me from being present with my family for holiday events. I was terrified that I might not have many more Christmas seasons with them and desperately wanted to make every moment special. For years after cancer, the fear of recurrence and my uncertain future complicated my emotions around the holidays. I’d pack up the Christmas decorations each January and beg God to let me be the one to open them the next year.

Depending on your friend’s situation and prognosis, she may not be dwelling on these thoughts and fears. But her emotions surrounding the holiday season might be different than they were before cancer. Here’s how you can help:

  • Ask open-ended questions.

Say something like, “How does Christmas feel for you this year?” or “Is your health situation changing the way you experience the holidays?”

  • Listen to her answer.

She may give you a chipper “I’m fine!” and move on, and that’s okay. Follow her lead—she may be feeling positive and enjoying the season, or you may not be the one she wants to open up to right now. But if she needs to process fear or sadness with you, listen compassionately and let her know you’re supporting her in this struggle.

3. Keep the meals coming.

If your friend is going through treatment or recovering from surgery, I hope there is a meal calendar for her family. But as people get busy and leave town for the holidays, there may be gaps in the schedule. Ask your friend what she needs during the holidays, and rally the elves to provide for them. Here are some ideas:

  • Stock her freezer.

Pick one or two meals this month that you could easily double. Package the extra food to go into your friend’s freezer. Recruit a few friends to do the same, and she’ll have a fully-stocked freezer to get her through the holidays.

  • Ask friends to chip in for restaurant gift cards.

This will lighten the burden on your friend during the weeks when people are traveling and unable to bring meals.

Here’s one important thing you need to know about helping your friend during the holidays:

You are absolutely not going to be able to do all these things for your friend.

I know you’re busy right now, too. You hardly know how you’re going to get food on your own table, let alone shop, wrap, decorate, and cook for others while providing meaningful emotional support.

Keep in mind that you can’t do everything, and just pick one or two ideas from this. Consider the closeness of your relationship, and pray about how you can serve her. After you’ve done your part, trust the Lord to provide for her other needs. He is always faithful to do so.

 

Photo by Caley Dimmock on Unsplash

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Filed Under: Cancer Tagged With: angiosarcoma, breast cancer, cancer, cancer support, cancer survivor, Christmas, friendship, holidays

Comments

  1. Kristen Hatton says

    November 30, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    I love this, Marissa. And very timely as I just has a friend diagnosed. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Marissa says

      December 1, 2017 at 6:58 am

      Thank you, Kristen! I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s diagnosis. Let me know if there’s any way I can support you as you support her. xoxo

      Reply
  2. Mary Hill says

    December 1, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    I am so happy you are better from your ordeal with cancer. Thanks for sharing these great ideas to help someone who is sick during Christmas.

    Reply
    • Marissa says

      December 4, 2017 at 10:27 am

      Thank you for reading, Mary!

      Reply

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Welcome

marissahenley.com

I write to remind myself of the truth of God's promises. I share my writing here in case you need to be reminded sometimes, too.

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Have you ever watched a movie and realized that a Have you ever watched a movie and realized that a character you thought was a good guy was really the most terrible of the bad guys? It’s even worse when the other characters don’t know the truth. You feel a pit in your stomach as you see one of your favorite characters run to someone she thinks is safe, only to find out she’s turned to the wrong person for help. You hope she figures out who’s truly on her side before it’s too late! 

For the past month, we’ve walked through Psalm 34 together. We’ve seen how David praises the Lord in all circumstances and how the Lord delivers and provides. 

In the final verses of the psalm, we find the foundation of all the truth, thanksgiving, and praise of Psalm 34: None who take refuge in God will be condemned. When we run to Him for salvation, we won’t find out later that we’ve made a mistake. We’re safe in the grace and mercy of our Savior. 

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.” (Psalm 34:19-22) 

These verses point us to Christ, the One who delivers us from death by His death. Our afflictions are many, but they are nothing compared to the affliction Jesus suffered on the cross as He bore the punishment our sin deserved. 

Because He took God’s wrath for us, our Lord and Redeemer is now our safe refuge. As Romans 8:1 declares, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” When you feel weighed down by affliction and fear, take refuge in the One who died to redeem your life. He is our Deliverer, our Redeemer, and our Protector. 

No matter what you face this week, those who run to God find safe refuge in Him. 

P.S. It's time for summer break! I'll be taking a break from posting devotionals for a few months. I plan to return to No Matter What Monday in the fall. 😊
It was 4:15a.m., and I was having a pity party. It was 4:15a.m., and I was having a pity party. 

It doesn’t happen often (if it did, this devotional would include an advertisement for a free dog), but occasionally our dog decides he needs to go potty around 4 a.m. When Samson started pacing around our room and then scratching at the door, I was forced to abandon my hours of uninterrupted sleep and let him out. 

I fumed as I got back in bed. I wasn’t just angry at Samson—I was mad at God. “Don’t you know how tired I am, God? Don’t you know I needed sleep tonight?” 

But then God’s Word flooded my mind, and I remembered that God is sovereign over all the details of my life—even dog’s bladders. He doesn’t withhold anything I need, and all that He allows is for my good. My anger subsided, and I eventually drifted off to sleep for a few more hours. 

It’s one thing to find comfort in God’s sovereignty in the minor annoyances of life like a dog needing to potty in the middle of the night. But what about in the major hardships? Even in a cancer diagnosis, looming layoffs at work, or a difficult relationship, God’s sovereign care is an anchor we can cling to. 

We’ve been walking through Psalm 34 for the past couple of weeks. In today’s verses, David proclaims the perfect provision of the Lord: 

“Oh fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.” (Psalm 34:9-10)

David made a bold statement here - that those who fear God lack nothing. There is nothing that is good for us that our heavenly Father withholds. 

In His wisdom, God knows what we need. In His goodness, He desires to care for our needs. In His sovereignty, He is fully able to give us all that we need. We can trust Him to be the God on the throne who sees and knows and cares for each of His children. Those who are His lack no good thing. 

No matter what you face this week, you can rest in God’s sovereign care.
This week we’re continuing through Psalm 34. Las This week we’re continuing through Psalm 34. Last week, we saw how David always found a reason to praise the Lord. And as we keep reading, we see David praise God specifically for deliverance from his fears. 

“I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.” (Psalm 34:4-7)

When David wrote this psalm, his deliverance hadn’t happened yet. He was still on the run from Saul, a mighty king who was filled with murderous rage toward David. And yet, David trusted the Lord to deliver Him either in life or in death. 

When we’re waiting for deliverance for our troubles, this psalm gives us both an example and an encouragement. As an example, David took his fears to the Lord. He ran to God with his troubles. He sought the Lord, looked to Him, cried out to Him, and lived in His presence. 

Psalm 34 also gives us encouragement as we see that the Lord heard, answered, and delivered David. God sees our troubles and is not deaf to our prayers when we cry out to Him. Psalm 34:17 tells us that God’s eyes and ears are focused on us. He knows every struggle we face. 

God knows, and He delivers. In 2 Corinthians, Paul says, “He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again” (2 Corinthians 1:10). Not only does God deliver every once in awhile, but God rescues from all our fears. (Psalm 34:4) Our heavenly Father is more powerful than any enemy we face—even death. 

When we cry out to the Lord and when our hope of deliverance is in Him, we will radiate His joy and peace. Our “faces shall never be ashamed” because hope that is grounded in God’s promises will never disappoint (Psalm 34:5). Our troubles may not vanish, but the Lord is our Savior and Deliverer. 

No matter what you face this week, the Lord will hear you and deliver you.
One night several years ago at the dinner table, I One night several years ago at the dinner table, I asked my kids to share something they liked about each of their siblings. I thought it would be a beautiful time of encouragement. Will gazed at Christopher, deep in thought, and said, “What I like best about Christopher is that he isn’t very funny.” 

Do you ever struggle to praise the Lord? Maybe, like my son at the dinner table, you look at Him and think, “I’m not sure I can see much to praise right now.” 

This month we are going to make our way through Psalm 34, and we’ll see how David praised God even when his circumstances didn’t leave much to feel thankful for. King Saul wanted to kill him, so David was running for his life, hiding in caves, and trying to stay undercover by acting insane when someone recognized him. (See 1 Samuel 21.)

And yet, David began Psalm 34 with these words: 
 
“I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!” (Psalm 34:1-3)

David said that he had God’s praise constantly on his lips. Even though his circumstances were challenging and discouraging, he called to mind all that the Lord had done in the past. Maybe he thought about how God delivered the Israelites from Egypt. Maybe he remembered when God chose him, youngest son of a family from nowhere, to be the next king of Israel. 

What can you praise God for today? How has He shown His love, goodness, and faithfulness to you? 

Even in the darkest days, we can turn our eyes to the cross of Christ and the empty tomb and remember how Jesus secured our salvation with His life, death, and resurrection. We can turn our eyes to heaven and look forward to the glory that is waiting because of what He’s done for us. We can trust His promise to be with us every moment and praise Him for His presence and faithfulness today. 

No matter what you face this week, you always have a reason to praise the Lord.
Last January after Georgia won the college footbal Last January after Georgia won the college football national championship (sorry, Alabama fans!), I saw a photo of a man wearing a Georgia football jersey, standing with his arms raised and mouth wide open, as if shouting in triumph. He was surrounded by people who were smiling, crying, and hugging each other. 

This man wasn’t a Georgia football player celebrating at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis after their win. He was a fan at a watch party hundreds of miles away in Georgia. But he so closely identified with his favorite team that he celebrated their victory as if it was his own. 

For the past few weeks, we’ve been making our way through the Easter hymn, “Worship Christ the Risen King.” Today we’re looking at the final verse: 

“We acclaim your life, O Jesus, now we sing your victory;
Sin or hell may see, to seize us, but your conquest keeps us free.
Stand in triumph, stand in triumph, worship Christ, the risen King!” 

The victory Jesus won over sin, death, hell, and the devil isn’t just a victory for Him. If we’ve been united to Christ by faith, the victory is ours as well. We stand with Him in triumph, freed by His victory. 

Consider what God’s Word says about our victory with Him: 

“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Cor. 15:56-57)

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? . . . No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.“ (Romans 8:35, 37)

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, Jesus speaking)

“For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.” (1 John 5:4)

Because of God’s grace, we share in Christ’s victory. We are free. We are more than conquerors. We can have courage and peace in all circumstances, because our Savior has overcome the world. 

No matter what you face this week, you share in Christ’s victory.
“He is risen! He is risen indeed!” This is a p “He is risen! He is risen indeed!” This is a popular refrain on Easter Sunday, but it’s also the way my church family starts the worship service every Sunday. We may be so used to hearing it that we forget that this is a massive, world-altering claim. 

If this statement is true—if Christ is truly risen—that truth changes everything. It gives purpose to our lives and our worship, and that purpose endures even when we struggle and doubt. 

This month we’ve been looking at the verses of an Easter hymn called “Worship Christ the Risen King.” This week we’re looking at the fourth verse of the hymn: 

“Doubt may lift its head to murmur, scoffers mock and sinners jeer;
But the truth proclaims a wonder thoughtful hearts received with cheer.
He is risen, he is risen, now receive the risen King!” 

We sometimes struggle with our faith because of doubts we have on the inside or because of attacks on our faith from the outside. But either way, the truth of His resurrection brings comfort and confidence. 

In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he makes it clear that if Christ is not risen, the Christian faith is pointless: 

“And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.” (1 Corinthians 15:17-19) 

Our Christian faith isn’t just a crutch to use to get through life in this fallen world. Jesus wasn’t just a good teacher or a prophet. The gospel isn’t a myth we use to make sense of the world around us. 

Our faith is based on an empty tomb of the Son of God who came to live and die for us. Jesus rose again on the third day, proving that He was who He said He was. 

“But the angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay.’” (Matthew 28:5-6) 

Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! 

No matter what you face this week, Christ’s resurrection gives comfort and confidence.
One of our family’s favorite games is a card gam One of our family’s favorite games is a card game called Unstable Unicorns. It’s so fun, but the twists in the game can be infuriating. You’ll be close to victory, feeling like no one can stand in your way, and then one of your kids turns all your unicorns to pandas and snatches victory from your grasp. 

I imagine that in the days leading up to Jesus’s crucifixion, Satan thought victory was about to be his. Jesus was betrayed by one of His closest friends. He was arrested, mocked, beaten, and hung on a cross to die a humiliating, agonizing death. But the devil’s moment of victory turned out to be his humiliation and defeat.

This month we’re walking through the verses of an Easter hymn, “Worship Christ the Risen King.” Last week’s verses described Christ’s victory over death and hell. The next verse describes His decisive victory over the devil: 

“Hear the earth protest and tremble, see the stone removed with pow’r;
All hell’s minions may assemble, but cannot withstand his hour.
He has conquered, he has conquered, Christ the Lord, the risen King!”

Paul wrote about this victory in his letter to the Colossians.

“This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.” (Col. 2:14b-15) 

According to the ESV Study Bible, “The cross of Christ marks the decisive defeat of the demonic powers . . . they were stripped of their power to accuse Christians before God.” The death and resurrection of Jesus proved that Satan and his demons couldn’t stop God’s plan of redemption. We still battle against the forces of evil in this world, but they’ve been publicly put to shame by the cross of our Savior.

The author of Hebrews described it this way:

“. . . [Jesus] himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.” (Heb. 2:14-15)

The devil’s power has been destroyed. We’ve been delivered. The one who enslaved us in fear has been defeated by our risen King!

No matter what you face this week, Christ has disarmed the devil.
I love this time of year. April brings blooming fl I love this time of year. April brings blooming flowers, and the promise of summer break is right there on the horizon of my calendar. Spring also means Easter and the opportunity to celebrate Christ’s death and resurrection for us. 

When you’ve been hearing about Christ’s resurrection for awhile, you might start to wonder, “So what?” So what if the tomb was empty? What does this mean for me today? I hope to answer some of those questions this month as we walk through the verses of the hymn “Worship Christ, the Risen King.” These opening verses declare Christ’s victory and the praiseworthiness of His triumph: 

“Rise, O church, and lift your voices, Christ has conquered death and hell.
Sing as all the earth rejoices; resurrection anthems swell.
Come and worship, come and worship, worship Christ the risen King!

See the tomb where death had laid him, empty now, its mouth declares:
‘Death and I could not contain him, for the throne of life he shares.’ 
Come and worship, come and worship, worship Christ the risen King!” 

The truth of this hymn can be found in passages such as these: 

“God raised him up, loosing the pangs of death, because it was not possible for him to be held by it.” (Acts 2:24)

“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:55) 

I love how the words of this hymn and the words of Scripture remind us that Christ conquered death and hell. Our modern lives are busy and typically free from the threat of death. We often forget that death and hell are our greatest enemies, so we don’t always find peace and comfort in our Savior’s triumph over them. 

But when we recognize that our greatest need is to be saved from death and hell, we realize the magnitude of what Christ has done. He is our risen King, and His triumph means that death and hell no longer threaten those who belong to Him. 

When we see the empty tomb with eyes of faith, our response is to join creation in resurrection anthems. We come and worship, lifting our voices in songs of praise to the risen King. 

No matter what you face this week, Christ has conquered death and hell.
For the past two weeks, we’ve been looking at ve For the past two weeks, we’ve been looking at verses from Ezekiel 34 about how the Lord is our good Shepherd who seeks for us and cares for us. Today we’ll look at more of Ezekiel 34 that describes the security we find in our Shepherd’s strength. 

When we think of shepherds, we may think of humble men who slept in a field with sheep and shook with fear in front of an angel choir on the night Jesus was born (Luke 2:8-9). But Scripture describes the Lord as a Shepherd who rules and reigns with majesty. Because of His strength, we have eternal security. Consider these verses from Ezekiel, Micah, and Revelation: 

“I will rescue my flock; they shall no longer be a prey. And I will judge between sheep and sheep. And I will set up over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he shall feed them: he shall feed them and be their shepherd. And I, the LORD, will be their God, and my servant David shall be prince among them. I am the LORD; I have spoken.” (Ezekiel 34:22-24)

“And he shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the LORD, in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God. And they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great to the ends of the earth.” (Micah 5:4)

“For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” (Revelation 7:17)

Just as shepherds protect sheep from predators and danger, we have a good Shepherd who has conquered our enemies. We were in bondage to sin and death, but Colossians 2:15 says, “He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.” The Lamb of God who gave Himself for us now reigns over all His foes. 

We dwell securely because our Shepherd is glorious, victorious, and strong. We belong to Him—we have no reason to fear. Our good Shepherd reigns in majesty, and we look forward to the day when He wipes every tear from our eyes. 

No matter what you face this week, your Shepherd’s strength guarantees your security.
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