Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

You might be a cancer survivor if . . .

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When I started brainstorming a list of experiences and feelings that are unique to cancer survivors, I thought it would be funny.  But when I was finished, it seemed more serious and sad than I expected.  I guess that in many ways, being a cancer survivor isn’t very fun.  It is challenging and scary and sad.  But it’s also beautiful and sanctifying and strengthening, as we continue to figure out what it looks like to trust our faithful Lord in all circumstances.

 

This list is based on my personal experience with being diagnosed in my mid-30’s with a rare cancer that is generally associated with a grim prognosis. It may not reflect the experience of all cancer survivors, and that does not lessen their survivorship in any way.

 

My goal is not to generalize or define what it means to be a cancer survivor.  I hope to shed some light on what cancer survivorship is like for me and possibly help you understand the cancer survivors in your life a little better.

 

You might be a cancer survivor . . .

  • if your goals include outliving the expiration date on your credit card
  • if you know how to apply eye makeup to make it look like you have eyelashes when you don’t
  • if you know what scanxiety is and exactly how it feels
  • if putting your hair in a ponytail makes you really happy
  • if you are quick to jump into photos with your kids and not worry if you don’t look perfect
  • if you’ve ever had an awkward encounter with a male TSA agent involving a breast prosthesis
  • if it takes you fifteen minutes to fill out a medical history form, but you can rattle off your medical record number and date of birth in two seconds flat
  • if you’ve ever held your toddler while she slept and begged God to let you live long enough for her to remember you
  • if you have a large box of wigs, hats and scarves somewhere in your closet
  • if you have plastic surgeons in two states and their work is covered by insurance
  • if you get super excited about each and every birthday (and expect everyone around you to do the same!)
  • if you can’t remember all your doctors’ names but know the normal ranges for CBC values by heart
  • if you love being there for birthday parties, piano recitals, school parties and holidays
  • if you date your photos by how much hair you have – before-cancer-hair, no hair, super-short hair, cute-short hair, three-years-post-cancer-shoulder-length hair, etc.
  • if you’ve ever asked a doctor how long you have to live
  • if you obsess over every ache and pain, bump and bruise
  • if you know what it’s like to have hundreds of people praying for you
  • if you are thankful for your healthy body, even with all its imperfections and scars
  • if you are convinced that God’s faithfulness is true because you’ve seen how He always provides
  • if you know that the peace of Christ is real because you’ve experienced in your darkest moments
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The Most Selfish Thing I Do

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I do a lot of selfish things.  I talk too much and interrupt people.  I throw adult-style, sophisticated temper tantrums when things don’t go my way.  I spent way too much time and money caring for myself, my reputation and my stuff.  I’ve known this for a long time.

But recently, I realized that there’s another way selfishness manifests itself in my life.  Every day.  Sometimes every hour.

 

I worry.

 

I worry about myself.  I worry about other people.  I worry about the weather, about the future, about the past.  And what is at the root of almost all of these worries?  Me.

Why do I worry about my future? Because I don’t want to experience suffering.  I try to figure out a way around hardship, because I don’t like it when life is difficult or sad or confusing.  I want an easy, happy life.

Sometimes, worry masquerades as concern for others.  But it’s mostly about me.  I worry about my husband, because I want him to be perfect so I don’t have to struggle in our marriage.  I worry about my children, because I don’t want to experience the pain of their bad choices.  I worry about my friend with cancer, because I will be sad if she dies.  I worry about the weather, but only when it is going to interfere with my plans.  I worry about world events that might someday impact me and my family.

 

Me.  Me.  Me.  Me.  Me.

 

Seeing the depth of selfishness associated with my worrying helps me to see why the Bible tells us not to worry.  Over and over again:  do not fear, do not be anxious about anything, do not worry about tomorrow.

The Lord knows that when we are worrying, we are focused on ourselves.  He wants us to be focused on Him, trusting Him, accepting what He gives with a peaceful heart.  He knows that what we need more than a happy, easy life is a quiet heart that is resting in Him.

 

You keep him in perfect peace

        whose mind is stayed on you,

        because he trusts in you.

Trust in the LORD forever,

        for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.

Isaiah 26:3-4

 

 

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The Best News Ever

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From time to time, I serve as the liturgist for our church’s worship service.  That means I need to make sure I have on matching earrings and be on time.  It’s not usually much more complicated or meaningful than that.

But awhile back, the assurance of pardon came from my favorite verse in all of Scripture:  Romans 8:1.  It says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Simple words, and they can be read without a lot of emotion.  But I think if you go back to Paul’s original writing, it would look more like this:  “There is therefore now NO CONDEMNATION–that’s right!  NONE!!!–for those who are in Christ Jesus!!!!”  (Seeing as how it’s the Best News Ever, I take issue with the translators’ serious lack of exclamation points.)

I found that this verse completely changed my experience as the liturgist.  It suddenly meant much more than making sure I didn’t look ridiculous and knowing how to pronounce any strange names in the Scripture passage.

On that Sunday, I got to speak the truth of Romans 8:1 to a congregation of my brothers and sisters.  After they confessed their sin, which deserves God’s wrath and judgment, I got to give good news.  There is therefore now NO condemnation for you!  Christ took it!  And if you are in Him, you are safe from God’s wrath and brought into His house as His child.

During the sermon, the pastor talked about redemption and asked, “What does redemption mean to you?”  It got me thinking about the truth of Romans 8:1.  What does it mean that there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus?

It means that we have nothing to fear.  It means that we have freedom.  It means that when Jesus said, “It is finished” on the cross, He fully paid our debt and took every last bit of the condemnation we deserve.  He drank the cup of wrath so that we could drink the cup of blessing, resting solely in His finished work on our behalf.  It means that when we talk to our children or our neighbors or ourselves about our sin, we have good news to share:  there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!

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40 Biblical Principles For Parenting

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Recently, I evaluated the books, advice, and paradigms which have influenced my parenting.  While I believe that parenting books and counsel from wise parents can be useful and good, I want to ensure that the primary impact on my parenting decisions comes from God’s Word.

 

I embarked on a search for resources that describe what the Bible says about parenting.  There are countless lists of verses to use when teaching your children to behave.  I already own and use many of these.  But I was looking for verses telling ME how to behave as a parent.  And this was surprisingly difficult.

 

I didn’t discover many resources that use Scripture to teach parents how to behave toward their children.  (However, one helpful publication I found was “A Checklist for Parents” by Pam Forster.)  Since no one else was going to make this easy for me, I decided to compile my own list.  Using Forster’s checklist and my own search of God’s Word, I wrote a list of biblical principles for my own parenting.  It turns out that the Bible has a lot to say to parents!  And so I thought I should share what I found, with the hope that other parents might be encouraged by it. 

 

Due to the large number of verses, I grouped them into four categories.  First, I have general biblical principles for parenting.  These are general principles regarding our role as parents.  Second, I have biblical principles for discipline.  These relate to how we discipline our children, since this is a topic addressed multiple times by Scripture.

 

Next, I listed principles for how we should relate to our children.  These principles apply to loving all our neighbors.  But they are important to consider, since following these biblical admonitions is often more difficult in our own home.

 

Finally, I listed principles for our personal spiritual growth.  As we grow in Christlikeness, our parenting will reflect that change.  Our children will benefit as we draw nearer to our Savior and deepen our understanding of God’s Word.

 

As you may have noticed, only a fraction of these verses speak directly to parents or the act of parenting.  As I studied, I started to realize that our cultural emphasis on parenting doesn’t seem to be reflected in Scripture.  We are preoccupied with parenting, because we are so afraid of getting it wrong.  I’m not saying that parenting isn’t important.  However, I think our cultural obsession with being a good parent might not be biblically accurate.  If we were primarily focused on growing in obedience to Christ and dependence on Him, I believe wise parenting would naturally flow from our submission to God and His Word.

 

This list is far from complete.  I’m certain that I could study God’s Word for years and still have more to learn about motherhood.  But there’s enough on this list to keep me busy long after my kids have grown up and started families of their own.  It’s a good place to start.

 

What biblical principles for parenting would you add to this list?  Leave me a comment with your ideas!

 

Click here for a downloadable PDF.

 

40 BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTING

 

1. General biblical principles for parenting: 

  • Pray for your children (specifically, for them to follow God’s commands)

(I Samuel 12:23, I Chronicles 29:19)

  • Give praise generously 

(Proverbs 3:27)

  • Pass on wisdom 

(Proverbs 4:11, Proverbs 31:26)

  • Teach your children to find their refuge in the Lord 

(Proverbs 14:26)

  • Tell your children of God’s wonderful deeds and His faithfulness 

(Psalm 78:4, Psalm 145:4, Isaiah 38:19)

  • Rightly handle the word of truth 

(II Timothy 2:15)

  • Teach them the Gospel and prepare them to recognize false doctrine

(Romans 1:16, Galatians 1:8-9)

 

2.  Biblical principles for discipline:  

  • Be diligent in discipline in order to drive out foolishness 

(Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:15, Proverbs 29:15)

  • Teach your children God’s commands 

(Deuteronomy 6:6-7, I Samuel 12:23, Psalm 103:18-19)

  • Reprove, rebuke and exhort with patience and teaching 

(Proverbs 3:12, II Timothy 4:2)

  • Set an example for your children and do not lead them into sin 

(Proverbs 20:7, Matthew 18:6, I Peter 5:2-3)

  • Restore them gently when they sin 

(Galatians 6:1-2)

  • Exhort and encourage them to walk in a manner worthy of God by loving  others and doing good works

(I Thessalonians 2:11-12, Hebrews 10:24)

 

3.  Biblical principles for relating to your children: 

  • Have compassion on your children and remember their weakness 

(Psalm 103:13-14)

  • Do not bear a grudge against them 

(Leviticus 19:18)

  • Love them with love that is patient and kind, not boastful or envious or rude, not irritable or insisting on your own way, bearing all things and rejoicing in the truth 

(I Corinthians 13:4-7)

  • Display the fruits of the Spirit toward your children (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness and self-control)

(Galatians 5:22-23)

  • Walk in a manner worthy of your calling by showing humility, gentleness, patience, and bearing with them in love 

(Ephesians 4:1-3)

  • Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouth 

(Ephesians 4:29)

  • Encourage them and give grace with your words 

(Ephesians 4:29)

  • Be reasonable and joyful 

(Philippians 4:4-5)

  • Be compassionate, kind, humble, meek, and patient 

(Colossians 3:12)

  • Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you 

(Colossians 3:13)

  • Lay down your life for them 

(I John 3:16)

  • Love in deed and truth and not just words 

(I John 3:18)

  • Love them as God has loved you 

(I John 4:11)

 

4.  Biblical principles for our own spiritual growth as parents: 

  • Seek God’s kingdom first 

(Matthew 6:33)

  • Love God and others 

(Matthew 22:38-39, Romans 13:9)

  • Walk with integrity 

(Proverbs 20:7)

  • Choose your advisors carefully and remain grounded in God’s Word

(Psalm 1:1-2)

  • Provide for your children and your household 

(II Corinthians 12:14, I Timothy 5:8)

  • Remember you will sow what you reap 

(Galatians 6:7)

  • Wives, submit to your husbands  

(Ephesians 5:22)

  • Fathers, do not provoke your children 

(Ephesians 6:4)

  • Do not be anxious about anything 

(Philippians 4:6-7)

  • Pray about everything 

(Philippians 4:6-7)

  • Think on what is true and right 

(Philippians 4:8)

  • Be thankful 

(I Thessalonians 5:18)

  • Draw near to the throne of grace to find mercy and grace to help in time of need 

(Hebrews 4:16)

  • Ask God for wisdom 

(James 1:5)

 

List of Scripture references*:  Leviticus 19:18; Deuteronomy 6:6-7; I Samuel 12:23; I Chronicles 29:19; Psalm 1:1-2, 78:4, 103:13-14, 103:17-18, 145:4; Proverbs 3:12, 3:27, 4:11, 13:24, 14:26, 20:7, 22:15, 29:15, 31:26; Isaiah 38:19; Matthew 6:33, 18:6, 22:38-39; Romans 1:16, 13:9; I Corinthians 13:4-7; II Corinthians 12:14; Galatians 1:8-9, 5:22-23, 6:1, 6:7; Ephesians 4:1-3, 4:29, 5:22, 6:4; Philippians 4:4-8; Colossians 3:12-13; I Thessalonians 2:11-12; I Thessalonians 5:18; I Timothy 5:8; II Timothy 2:15, 4:2; Hebrews 4:16, 10:24; James 1:5; I Peter 5:2-3; I John 3:16; I John 3:18; I John 4:11

*The above Scripture references can be copied and pasted into the search box on www.esvbible.org to read the entire list of verses.

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