Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

Splinters

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Last night as we were enjoying a gorgeous evening in our backyard, Christopher started complaining that his finger hurt. “Well, how convenient,” I replied, gesturing toward my hubby, “your dad is a finger doctor!” Christopher had two splinters in his finger, and after 10 minutes with the finger doctor, Christopher re-emerged from the house screaming hysterically. The splinters were too deep for tweezers, and Daddy would need to use a needle to scrape away the skin and get to the splinters.

For close to an hour, Christopher was hysterical, and we were miserable. He settled into an annoying wimper, and anytime we mentioned taking the splinter out, it erupted into terrified screaming. I tried begging, distracting, admonishing, and yelling (why is it that yelling at them to stop yelling NEVER works??). Will joined in, pointing his finger at Christopher and saying, “Stop that, right now!” exactly the way I do when they throw a tantrum or fight with each other. (Yep, that one hurt. Will be trying to remove that from my repertoire.) We even tried holding him down, with Little Einsteins playing for good measure, but he went ballistic and there was no way to keep his finger from moving.

So I stuck him in his room for several minutes while I calmed down. He was still crying when I went in, and he didn’t even want me in the room for fear that I would try to take the splinter out. It was insane. But this time I had come armed with new ammunition: Scripture and the promise of chocolate ice cream. I finally got him calmed down enough for us to talk about the situation. I asked if he remembered our memory verse for the week, which conveniently enough, is: Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9). We talked about how it might hurt a little, but that God would be with Him. Plus, if he was good and brave, he would get chocolate ice cream.

Finally, he agreed to the procedure, and Daddy worked on his finger for a few minutes while we repeated our Bible verse and talked about the ice cream.

Daddy was only able to get 1 1/2 of the 2 splinters out, so we gave up, put a band-aid on and went to get ice cream. Christopher commented, “God always gets the splinters out.” **Insert teaching moment here** I explained that God doesn’t always get the splinters out. Sometimes bad, scary, or hurtful things happen, but He promises He will be with us while we are hurting and scared.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I got the lesson God had hidden in the splinter incident for me. I have been feeling very anxious about losing a baby or having pregnancy complications–and I’m not even pregnant yet! The idea of becoming pregnant with preschoolers at home who would be traumatized if something sad happened is scary to me. I realized from my words to Christopher last night that I’m not going to get any promises from God that I will have a healthy, complication-free pregnancy. But I do have His promises that He will be with us. He will never leave us or forsake us! And, obviously, I need to pull out Calm My Anxious Heart again.

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A Meek and Quiet Spirit, Part 1

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When I recently ordered the Maxwell’s scheduling book (Managers of Their Homes), I noticed another book on Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit, by Teri Maxwell. No thanks, I thought. You see, I’m planning on homeschooling three days a week with an angry and resentful spirit. Who wants to be meek and quiet? Doesn’t sound like it would serve my interests all that well. It was about at that point in the train of thought that I realized I must immediately click “Add to Cart.” And I’m really glad I did.

I would definitely recommend this book to any homeschooling mother OR any mom who struggles with keeping her sanity, let alone a meek and quiet spirit, during long days at home with preschoolers. I’ve learned so much already from this book, and I haven’t even gotten to Chapter 6: Hard Work and Dying to Self. I know that one is going to hurt tomorrow morning and will probably result in the post, A Meek and Quiet Spirit, Part 2 (why I changed my mind about this book). Ha ha!

I have learned so much from her discussion of “meek and quiet spirit robbers” such as fear and worry, disorganization, and anger. I have been reminded several times by this book that my children are watching the way I deal with worries and how I control (or fail to control) my anger and frustration. All of my teaching on self-control won’t do any good if I don’t exhibit it myself!

In her chapter on Anger, Maxwell writes about having high goals and low expectations for our kids. Low expectations should not be confused with permissiveness. But she points out that our children are just that–children. They are in the process of learning how to be godly adults (we hope), but they are still learning. So while we have lofty goals for our children’s obedience, kindness to others, self-control, responsibility, etc., we must understand that they are going to fall short of those goals. Our expectation is that they will disobey and require discipline from us. If I start my day knowing this, it will take away my shock that our son is yelling at his brother over a toy again and might help me keep my temper under control.

Maxwell also suggests having well-defined consequences mapped out for disobedience or irresponsibility. That way, there is no stress involved in figuring out how to handle disciplining a child. When the child disobeys, the consequence is given. That way, the consequence doesn’t depend on mom’s mood or how many times the infraction has occurred that afternoon, and everyone knows what to expect.

Maxwell also points out that anger is a choice. She gives the examples of not being as easily angered at church as we are at home, or yelling at our children until the phone rings and then answering the phone in a calm tone of voice. That was so convicting for me! It is a choice. And so often I choose poorly because I am trying to rely on my own strength. What I appreciate about this book is that it is not only giving me practical suggestions for how to deal with fear, disorganization and anger, but also reminding me that I will not do well at any of it if I am not relying on God’s grace and strength. His grace is sufficient!

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Great Mommy Interview

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I am a faithful reader of Rocks In My Dryer, a witty and informative blog written by someone much wiser and funnier than I am. (Thanks to my friend Lynette for telling me about it!) Yesterday, Shannon posted an interview with her mom that contains so much great wisdom that I’m considering posting it on my bathroom mirror. I thought you all might enjoy it, too.

http://rocksinmydryer.typepad.com/shannon/2008/05/interview-with.html

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Praying for my kids

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*** I’ve revised this recent post to participate (for the first time!) in Works For Me Wednesday at Rocks In My Dryer. Head over there to check out everyone else’s great ideas! ***

I’ve been trying to do better lately about praying for my kids. My attempts at praying for my kids often lapse into brief prayers like this: “Please Lord, help them to obey. Change their hearts so that they love you with all of their heart from an early age. And please, help them to obey. Please.”

What I’ve been doing recently is using a notebook from two years ago when I studied the book 31 Days Of Prayer For My Child by Susan Alexander Yates and Allison Yates Gaskins. (Yates also wrote 31 Days of Prayer for My Teen if that’s where you are. And if that’s where you are, I would guess you really need that book!) The book goes through 31 topics to guide you in thoroughly praying for aspects of your children’s life, from your own shortcomings as a parent, to their future spouse and friendships, to their spiritual life.

When I read the book a couple of years ago, I got a small notebook and for each chapter, I summarized what I wanted to pray regarding that topic, an attribute of God that relates to it, and a relevant Scripture passage, usually one of the several referenced by the authors. (This was suggested by the authors, not a brilliant idea of my own.)

For example, on the chapter about Sibling Rivalry, I wrote: “Praying that Christopher and Will would be lifelong friends, not for outward appearances, but for Your glory. God is triune–our perfect model of unity. Romans 15:5-6: May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Now that I have all 31 days recorded in my notebook, I can use it each month. I look at the listing for that date and pray about that topic for my kids. If you don’t want to buy the book or feel overwhelmed by the thought, you could simply brainstorm 31 prayer topics, perhaps with Scripture references, and create your own prayer list.

What I love about my notebook is that when I inevitably miss a day, I just keep on going and hope that I don’t miss again on the same date next month! Surely over the course of a few months I’ll get all 31 topics covered with prayer.

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