Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

Battling discouragement

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Since this is supposed to be my honest blog, I guess I better confess that for the last couple weeks, I’ve felt really discouraged. I am completely focused on myself, wallowing in self-pity, and generally hating my life and disliking everyone (read: husband and kids) who make my life the way it is. When this happens, poor hubby bears the brunt of it–I vent all my unhappiness to him, along with any small transgression he has committed in the last few months. Poor guy. This happened to him last week, and at one point he stared at me in bewilderment and said, “Maybe you should read your own blog.”

He is so right. And that is one reason I’m writing this blog, because it doesn’t take me long at all to forget the lessons that God teaches me. I start yearning for my own comfort and desires, rather than desiring nothing else but that God be glorified by my daily life.

So in the midst of my discouragement, I’ve turned to one of my favorite books–Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss–because I know that believing lies is at the root of my emotional turmoil. She writes about many lies women believe that lead to loneliness, discouragement, lack of faith, burnout, guilt, fear and depression. She also counters each lie with the truth of Scripture. Some lies that I’m struggling with right now are (lies are verbatim from the book, parenthetical remarks are my application to my struggles):

1. “If I feel something, it must be true.” (So if I feel like I never accomplish anything, I am a terrible wife and mother, and my kids are disasters, then it must be true that my life is futile.)

2. “If my circumstances were different, I would be different.” (Maybe if I had a part-time job, my kids wouldn’t drive me crazy when I was with them.)

3. “It’s all about me.” (And I seldom get to do what I want to do! Why does Will always wake up from his nap at the exact moment I finally collapse on the couch to rest for a minute?!?)

4. “I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.” (I deserve to have all of my needs met by those around me–appreciation, comfort, privacy on the potty, etc.)

The truth is that most of the emotions I’m feeling right now are not rooted in truth; my circumstances have changed dramatically in recent months, and all my issues stayed right with me; it is all about God and for His glory; and I will always have unfulfilled longings this side of Heaven, and the most well-behaved children and adoring husband could never meet all my needs.

I’m still in the midst of battling this discouragement, but I’m trying, by God’s grace, to take each thought captive and make it obedient to Christ and His truth (see 2 Corinthians 10:5b) . I’m seeking to set my heart and mind on things above, not on earthly things (see Colossians 3:1-2). And I’m reminding myself that God has called me to spend these days serving my children so I can have daily opportunities to share the Gospel with them and teach them about their need for a Savior and how God has provided for that need by sending His Son. And when I don’t think I can endure one more afternoon of whining and tantrums, God’s grace is sufficient for me (see 2 Corinthians 12:9).

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 43:5

You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

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Mediocrity

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I am a nerd, but I love reading the articles in back issues of R.C. Sproul’s Tabletalk magazine. (Click here to subscribe–I highly recommend it.) This week, I’ve been reading one from last September titled “Proud Mediocrity.” In R.C. Sproul’s article, he writes about striving for excellence. He says:

“It is God who calls us to labor to the highest level of excellence and achievement of which we are capable . . . The legitimate motive for excellence is to seek achievement for the end to glorify God. That is the chief purpose for which we are created, to bear witness to His glory. One thing that does not bear witness to the glory of God is a human addiction to mediocrity, a smug satisfaction with the status quo. Rather, the Scriptures call us to seek a high calling–the high calling that is ours in Christ Jesus. Such a high calling cannot be achieved when we wallow in sloth. Slothfulness and laziness are twin vices that are roundly and soundly condemned by sacred Scripture. The biggest reason we fail to achieve excellence is that we are unwilling to work to such an extent that excellence can be achieved. No one achieves excellence in any worthy enterprise without diligent and disciplined labor.”

At the same time that I was reading the article, Michael W. Smith’s song, “Lord, Have Mercy” came on my iPod. (Click here for the lyrics to this song.) It was as if God didn’t want me to miss the fact that He was calling me to repentance for my laziness and slothfulness. I used to be highly motivated to achieve excellence in school and at work–but seldom do I desire excellence in housework, parenting and loving my husband.

How can I do laundry for the glory of God? I’m not sure about the laundry, but I am called to serve my children and husband by striving for excellence in the management of my household. I am to labor diligently in the parenting of my children–playing with them, teaching them, encouraging them and disciplining them. I am called to have a vibrant, growing relationship with my Savior from which to minister to my family and friends. I am not to be satisfied with merely making it through the day with my sanity somewhat intact.

I often settle for mediocrity. I struggle with laziness. Some days, it is excruciatingly difficult to drag myself out of bed to start another day of housework, refereeing fights over toys, and thoughtful, consistent discipline. I crave sleep, comfort, and time for myself, and I hit the snooze button until the last possible minute when I’m forced to start my day. But if I look at the example of the Proverbs 31 woman, she rises while it is still night and her lamp does not go out at night. And Proverbs 20:13 says: “Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty.” I may be going to far, but I think that in my case, my love of sleep that causes my snooze-button addiction is sin. If I’m going to strive for excellence in what God has called me to do tomorrow, I’m going to need that extra seven minutes.

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God is right on time. (But I wish He'd hurry up.)

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Last Sunday at our church community group, we were talking about how the Jews were expecting the Messiah, but Jesus did not fit with their expectations of a powerful, political figure. In the midst of the discussion, our leader commented that although circumstances around us don’t meet our expectations and often seem out of whack, “God is always right on time.”

It might seem silly, but it got me thinking about the expectations I have for daily life with my kids. Expectations that someday they will obey and share (maybe tomorrow). Expectations that I will be more patient. Expectations that I will suddenly love to cook and clean now that I have a beautiful, newer home. Expectations that Christopher will pee in the potty and not in his pants (this is the big one).

Since the move, we have had some serious potty regression with each new transition–Daddy being gone, Daddy being home, Daddy going back to work. I’ve tried everything, and nothing seems to help. I’m sure that I was the only one at community group the other night applying this great wisdom to potty training. But it occured to me that while I think God needs to fix this problem for me and He’s definitely running late, instead He is right on time.

I suspect that ultimately this has nothing to do with Christopher and everything to do with me learning patience, endurance, and how to show my son I love him as I change his underwear for the fifth time that day. My son’s failure to use the potty appropriately is an expression of God’s love for me and provision for me as He teaches me the lessons I so badly need to learn. This truth helped me make it through three accidents today with a much more joyful heart!

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Forgiveness

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As I picked up an old issue of R.C. Sproul’s “Tabletalk” magazine last night, I looked at the topic–The Freedom of Forgiveness–and expected a nice reminder of how I’ve been forgiven by God in Christ. I’ve never thought that forgiving others was something I struggled with. I haven’t been sinned against or betrayed in any major way, and I generally live at peace with people close to me. (Or so I thought.)

As I read the words of various authors in the magazine, God brought this thought to my mind: Have I truly forgiven the people living in my home as I should? I realized that I have not forgiven Christopher for exasperating me, disobeying me, and generally making my life difficult by being a stubborn 3-year-old who requires almost constant training and instruction. The familiar verses from Matthew 18:21-22 took on new meaning when seen in this light: “Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.'”

I’ve never thought that there was anyone in my life who would require this kind of extravagant forgiveness. But now that I think about, 70 times 7 sounds just about like the number of times my kids make me want to pull my hair out on any given day. And I realized that the way I respond to Christopher when he disobeys is usually as though it is the 489th time he has disobeyed me, and my frustration and resentment has been building with each infraction.

What would it look like to truly forgive Christopher for each act of obedience? It would mean that my response would be as though it was the first time he had EVER disobeyed. All previous offenses would be completely forgotten. I believe that response would look very different from the one I typically display. The same applies to my marriage–what if I responded to Noel as if it were the first time he had ever let me down or failed to meet my needs? What if I didn’t just roll over all the previous hurt and bitterness and apply it to every new time he offends me?

How can I possibly do this? In Matthew 18, Jesus goes on to tell the parable of the servant who had been forgiven a massive debt, but failed to forgive another person who owed him a much small debt. I can forgive my kids and husband seven times seventy times because I have offended God infinitely more times than that. In fact, I was an enemy of God, and He still loved me, pursued me, redeemed me, and adopted me as His daughter, all because of the blood of His Son shed on the cross for me. This amazing truth frees me to forgive and requires me to forgive.

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