Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

What If

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A year ago today, I was anxiously waiting for a biopsy that had been scheduled a few days later.  It is emotional for me to look back at those days right before my cancer diagnosis on October 25, 2010.  There is a temptation to dwell on it, as if I can somehow will it to turn out differently, to re-write history and get a phone call on that day that there was no cancer.  By grace alone, I am taking those thoughts captive and refusing to stay stuck on the “what-ifs.”

But it is an interesting question:  What would life look like today if it had been an infection like they originally thought?  What if that phone call on October 25 had gone the other way?  What if I had continued the antibiotic and gone on with my life?

What if I didn’t know just how much I truly have to be thankful for?

What if I didn’t understand the power of prayer and Scripture and the Holy Spirit to comfort you in the most dire of circumstances?

What if I didn’t realize how incredible my church family and friends are?

What if I was still driven by my to-do list and squeezing in quality time with my kids in between, instead of the other way around?

What if I didn’t know how many people love me and care about me?

What if I didn’t know to take time to make green slime and go for ice cream and say yes when they ask for just one more story?

What if I had never met our nanny or my Houston family or the oncology clinic staff or my cancer posse?

What if I was still oblivious to the needs of the sick and hurting in my community?

What if I weren’t committed to talking with my kids every day about God’s character and how we can trust Him?

I didn’t get to choose the outcome last October.  And that is definitely for the best, because I know I would have picked the easy road and missed out on all the blessings God had in store with the trial.  He planned each and every day for my good and His glory, and I am thankful.  I was reminded this week of a Charles Spurgeon quote that I heard somewhere back in the chemo fog, and it resonates with my experience:

“There is no greater mercy that I know of on earth than good health except it be sickness; and that has often been a greater mercy to me than health.  It is a good thing to be without a trouble; but it is a better thing to have a trouble, and know how to get grace enough to bear it.” 

Thank you, Lord, for each and every mercy you give, and the grace to bear those that are difficult.

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Flashback: How to be a Better Mom

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Below is an excerpt from a blog post I wrote in May 2008:

I don’t know about you, but I am constantly wondering how I could be a better mom. I’ve read a lot of books and talked to a lot of experienced moms, searching for information that might help in my own child-raising struggles. Sometimes I’ll even manage to put a great idea into practice for about a week, and then I fall right back into the same pattern of begging, yelling and bribing in an effort to squeeze some small amount of obedience from my children. I start the day wanting to set a joyful tone for our home, but I find myself become discouraged and irritable, often by 9:00 a.m. (on good days). I feel like I have the pieces of the puzzle, but I can’t keep them together for more than a couple of hours at a time.

On my search for the answer to these dilemmas, I would hear people talk about spending time daily in God’s Word and in prayer. Honestly, I thought it was a little legalistic and regimented. I knew I should be spending more time with God, but it was so hard to set aside the time. (Strangely enough, I have no problem finding the time to play on Facebook and watch American Idol.)

Then came Bible Study Fellowship. I am finishing my first year in BSF, and I can now say that I have discovered the secret to being a better mom. Those “legalists” were right: the answer is spending time with God daily. (Or almost daily, in my case–just being honest!) I still fall short over and over again . . . take this morning, for example, when I was yelling at Christopher about 30 minutes before leaving for BSF. But I find myself less discouraged, less irritable, more joyful, and handling the rough spots in my life much better than I did a year ago. I know the reason for this is that God has been convicting me of my sin and teaching me about His character and truth through my study of His Word. I look forward to becoming even more wise, self-controlled and joyful in my parenting as He teaches me more.

At this point, you might be thinking, “This BSF has a parenting class?” That’s the crazy part about it. I’ve been studying the Gospel of Matthew this year. From the book of Matthew, I’ve learned huge lessons about materialism, obedience, forgiveness, relying on God’s strength, worship, contentment, being a better wife and mom, and so much more. God’s Word is always effective–when it goes out, it never returns void–so no matter what you are studying in God’s Word, He knows what you need and He will teach you through His Truth. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to figure out: Christ tells us in John 15:4-5 that we need to abide in Him. Jesus said that He is the Vine, we are the branches, and we cannot bear fruit apart from Him. It is only by being connected to the Vine that we can accomplish what He has called us to do.

So if you want to be a better mom (or wife, or daughter, or friend), let me encourage you to plug yourself into the only Vine that can provide what you need. If you do not have a Bible study that challenges you to daily study God’s Word and apply it to your life, check to see if there is a BSF group in your area. Two things I love about BSF are the weekly lessons that hold me accountable to be in God’s Word throughout the week and the children’s program for children ages 6 weeks old through high school. It is not just child care–the children study the same passage as we do, and the program is fabulous (and free!).

I’m reposting this now, because it is still just as true as it was two years ago.  God has used BSF in my life in a big way to help me grow in discipline and my understanding of His Word.  As you are making commitments this fall, would you consider finding a Bible study that challenges you in these ways?

BSF classes around the country will be having introductory classes the weeks of September 13 and 20 for this year’s new study:  Isaiah! It’s going to be good.  And bring your kids . . . daytime classes offer children’s programs for children ages 6 weeks through kindergarten, and evening classes offer programs from 1st grade through high school.  I can’t wait to work on Christopher’s lesson with him this year as he starts the elementary program!

If you want more information about finding a BSF class, please leave me a comment or email me at marissahenley@gmail.com.

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Here Am I!

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Last night I was talking with another mom about how overwhelmed we both feel. She said, “Do you feel like you need to not make any other commitments and just focus all your attention on your family?” And I had to laugh. Because God recently asked me to make a commitment to serve Him in a large, time-consuming way. When I was first approached about this service, I had every intention of saying no. But I prayed about it, and God went to work on me.

As I prayed, I heard God speaking in a way that I rarely do. (Maybe I should ask Him what He thinks more often.) I didn’t really like what I heard: “When are you going to serve Me sacrificially?” I’ll be honest. I don’t mind little bits of service here and there. Volunteering in the nursery, taking a meal to someone, that kind of thing. But something major? Oh, I can’t do that. You see, I homeschool my (brilliant, self-teaching) son three days a week. I have a baby. (She’s 15 months old. How long do I get to keep calling her a baby?) My husband works weird hours. So surely God wouldn’t ask me to take on something big outside my home.

But He did. And over the next couple of days, I decided to take a giant leap of faith. I have no idea how this commitment will fit into my schedule. I can’t map it out on a nice little spreadsheet, like I’m fond of doing. And I think that’s a good thing. Because if I could map it out, I could think it was all about me. Look at me! I’m SuperMom and SuperChristian–look what I can do!

I have no idea how this is going to work, but I know that God is asking me to do it. So the glory will be all His. I can already see growth happening because my eyes have been taken off myself as I’m looking to Him to see what He’s going to do. I am confident that this service will reap spiritual benefits for me which will overflow to my entire family, and that is exciting.

Are you serving sacrificially? It will look different for everyone.  I didn’t go looking for this, but I should have been.  So I challenge you to stop making excuses and ask God to show you how He wants you to serve, no matter your season of life. You might be surprised what happens!

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”      Isaiah 6:8

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Prayer: The Why

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One of the primary areas I’d like to work on in 2010 is prayer.  At the beginning of the year, God brought the issue of my sub-par prayer life to my attention in various ways.  One was the teaching at our church women’s meeting when the speaker asked, “Do you look forward to praying?”  Uh, no.  It’s humbling and disgusting to admit, but many days I look forward to my favorite tv show or a date with my husband more than I look forward to spending significant time in prayer.

In recent years, as I have become more and more dependent on the Holy Spirit as a mother, prayer has become a greater part of my life.  But my prayer life is mostly informal–short prayers for help, wisdom, patience or self-control during the day.  Or praying for others when God brings them to mind.  That informal prayer life is valuable and important.  But when thinking about looking forward to prayer and reading a chapter on prayer in Secrets to Getting More Done in Less Time by Donna Otto, I realized that I need to develop a consistent, substantial time for prayer.

Otto writes:  “Fortunately, God is generous, loving, and–most of all–full of grace . . . He does not maintain prayer meters or time clocks . . . But the Lord of our lives deserves homage and our allegiance.  If we are too busy to commune with Him regularly, we are doing a disservice to Him and to ourselves” (p. 237).  She discusses the importance with combining the informal prayer life I’ve described with a formal prayer life:  time set aside for prayer, including adoration, confession, thanksgiving and presenting our requests to God.  This part of my prayer life has been inconsistent at best.

I love how Otto describes this time she spends with God:

Personally, I think of prayer time as a specific opportunity to get down on my knees and subordinate my will to God’s will.  God has a will.  God has a perfect will.  God is sovereign.  And through prayer I try to subordinate my will to His will.  I do that by asking Him to create in me a clean heart, to create in me a sinless heart that is in line with His plan for me and to allow His desires to be my desires (p. 252).

Who wouldn’t want their will to be in line with the will of their good, sovereign Creator?  I know I want that.  But I battle against my sinful nature daily as sleep, worldly desires and my to-do list wage war against setting aside this time with God.  I’ve been talking to other women about prayer and working to improve in this area, so I look forward to sharing more about this topic soon.  In the meantime, I hope you are as convicted and encouraged as I have been to set aside time for prayer.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  I Thessalonians 5:16-18

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