failure Archives - Marissa Henley

The Lord Will Fulfill His Purposes for You {No Matter What Monday}

October 10, 2016 by Marissa Leave a Comment

Am I the only mom who hates Chutes and Ladders? It’s the board game that never ends! You finally get your cardboard kid up to the 80s or 90s, and then you hit that giant chute back to the bottom. You might get lucky and hit a ladder or two along the way. But those chutes are enough to make me crazy. It feels like there will never be a winner.

Do you ever feel that way about the Christian life? You start to make some progress exercising self-control over your thoughts or your actions, but then you mess up. You practice kindness and gentleness with your children for a couple of days, but it doesn’t last and your temper erupts. You dig into God’s Word or sit with Him in prayer for a few mornings in a row and then go back to hitting the snooze button.

Little ladders up, giant chutes down.

Psalm 138:8: The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Today’s Scripture brings comfort to our chute-like moments. The Lord will fulfill His purpose for you. Yes, there will be ups and downs. There will be mistakes with consequences. There will be successes that seem short-lived. But because of the Lord’s steadfast love for you, He will not forsake the work of His hands. And you are the work of His hands.

Each and every one of His purposes for you will be fulfilled. He can even bring purpose to us as we sit on our bottoms at the end of a chute. Even there, His grace will find us.

No matter what you face this week, the Lord will fulfill His purposes for you.

When the Prayer Button Breaks

January 21, 2015 by Marissa Leave a Comment

My five-year-old daughter hates going to the dentist. (I can’t say I blame her.) Before her most recent dentist appointment, she asked her dad and me to pray for her at least a dozen times in the 24 hours leading up to the appointment, including in the car on the way there, in the waiting room, and in the chair when they took her back.

We most definitely had covered the appointment in prayer. You might even say that we had pushed the “prayer button.” But when the moment came and they started cleaning my daughter’s teeth, she found that she still didn’t like it. It was still weird and noisy and someone had their fingers in her mouth, asking her to open up and be still. She started crying and screaming, “God isn’t helping me!” (Yes, it was a proud, proud mommy moment.)

What happened? Was the prayer button broken? Did we not pray enough? Did we not have enough faith? Was God busy or asleep? Did He not care?

I had a similar experience the following week. I was facing what I knew was going to be a stressful few hours with the kids. We had more to do than could possibly be done in the time we had. I was tired and hormonal. And so I literally fell to my knees in my bedroom and begged the Lord to help me. I asked for wisdom, patience, gentleness and kindness toward my children.

Twenty minutes later, I was back in my bedroom. I was crying. My daughter was crying in her room, and I had just closed my son’s door a little too emphatically after checking on his work and being disappointed with his progress. I wanted to scream, “God isn’t helping me!”

What happened? Once again, it seemed the prayer button failed.

There’s a quote I love that says, “Don’t doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light.” The truth is that God is always with us, always caring for us, always being perfectly loving and faithful to us. Despite the darkness we felt, God was there with my daughter at the dentist and with me during those stressful hours.

I hope my daughter will someday understand that God was truly with her that day, answering her prayers for help.

He gave her the very breath she used to cry out, “God isn’t helping me!”

He gave her the strength to face her fears and get her teeth cleaned, even though it wasn’t pleasant.

He gave her a mother present with her to hold her and tell her it would be over soon and supportive brothers cheering her on.

He gave her access to excellent, affordable dental care just minutes from her home.

And even though she couldn’t fathom why she had to go through this suffering, those who know more than she does understand that it was for her good.

The Lord was certainly with her that day, keeping all His promises to His precious child.

Failure

June 18, 2007 by Marissa Leave a Comment

(A side note–these first few entries might seem like nice, neat little packages of ideas more than real struggles–that’s because there are a few issues I’ve been grappling with for about 6 months that I want to write about. After I’m done with those, I have no idea what will come to mind, so there might be some more unanswered questions.)

I’ll never forget a conversation I had with a dear friend one day. She’ll remain nameless unless she’d like to comment and admit speaking this awesome truth to me. (If she even remembers!) I was telling her how every time Christopher throws a tantrum, it makes me so upset, because I feel like a failure as a mom. Honestly, I was expecting some reassuring words. Instead, she said that I am a failure as a mom. Ouch. (I promise she’s a lot nicer than she sounds at the moment.)

She went on to remind me of the truth of the Gospel, and what I took from the conversation is this: I am a failure as a mom, because I am a sinner. I fail my kids and my husband every day. But Christ lived the life that I couldn’t live, and because His perfect record has been given to me, I don’t have to run from the fact that I am a failure, try to cover it up, ignore it, etc. This may sound strange, but it was such a freeing conversation for me. Because for most of my life, I have been going to great lengths to avoid being a failure, and even greater lengths to keep anyone else from seeing any failures that may occur. Instead, I should be admitting my failures to myself and others, letting those failures point to my need for Christ and increase my reliance upon His grace.

How does this play out in my every day life? Well, most of the time, it doesn’t. I still have the natural tendency to shy away from failure whenever possible. There are rare occasions, which I wish were more frequent, when I can use my failures to point myself and my sons to my need for Christ. For example, one day Christopher was losing it for absolutely no reason, and it really set me off. I yelled at him to go to his room, so both of us could calm down. A few minutes later, I went up to talk to him and found him sitting in his room, crying. When I opened the door, he looked up and said, “Mommy, do you forgive me?” I tell you, I felt like the most worthless piece-of-crap mom in the world. I held Christopher in my lap and repeated the words I have told him several times already: “Christopher, I forgive you, and I need you to forgive me. I was wrong to yell at you, and I’m sorry. I can’t be a good Mommy to you all by myself. I need Jesus to help me be a good Mommy. I wasn’t letting Jesus help me just now, and I’m sorry.” I can only pray that God will use my failures for the good of my kids, to point them to their own need for Christ for their salvation and their growing in Christ-likeness.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10: But he [the Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Supermoms

June 13, 2007 by Marissa 4 Comments

Here’s the problem: I want to be a Supermom. And if I can’t be a Supermom, I at least want to be perceived as a Supermom. We probably all have our own ideals of that a Supermom would be, and here’s mine: Supermoms always love being a mom. Their kids reach all the developmental milestones at least a month early, due to their Supermom’s diligence. Their kids are well-behaved, polite, and carry on intelligent conversation with adults in public. If a child does throw a tantrum or act up (hey, she might be a Supermom, but no one is perfect!), the Supermom calmly and quickly diffuses the tantrum without giving into the child. The Supermom never loses her cool and would never yell at her child. Supermoms are dressed well, complete with a shower (that same day), make-up, lip gloss, and earrings. Their kids look adorable and never have dried, crusty food on their faces or boogers hanging out of their nose. (My friends are laughing right now, because they’ve been waiting for me to mention the boogers.) Supermoms arrive on time with Purell, snacks, and interesting toys ready at all times, and they never run out of baby wipes.

Am I a Supermom? Heck, no. But every ounce of my flesh (that is, my sinful nature) wants to at least have everyone think that I am. We see other women who look like Supermoms, so we try to keep up, being careful to only let others in far enough that they never see us lose our cool or see our kids with boogers coming out of their nose (or worse, throw a huge tantrum with boogers all over their face!). And then the Supermom myth is perpetuated as long as we can keep up the facade at least most of the time.

It is refreshing to me to see women in my church family who are willing to be seen for what we all really are: messed-up, sinful, struggling moms who don’t always know what we should do for our kids and often do all the wrong things. And I’m learning that the key to this kind of genuineness is the Gospel: that I am a sinner, separated from God by my sin and unable to anything to save myself or earn my favor, but that God, in His mercy and grace, sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for that sin, reconciling me to God, making me righteous in God’s sight, and adopting me as a daughter of God. God takes Jesus’ perfect record and gives it to me, and therefore, I receive God’s grace–His unmerited favor–not because of anything I do, but solely because of what Christ has done.

So the truth is, I stink at being a mom. I mess up every day, I yell at my kids, I run out of wipes, and I feel so incompetent and know that if they actually gave all moms a test before letting them take their baby home from the hospital, I would have failed miserably. But if I let other people in, let them really see the mess that is there, it will point me (and hopefully others) to my need for Christ. If I could live a perfect life, I wouldn’t need a Savior. If I could handle my life on my own strength, I wouldn’t need to be sustained by the Holy Spirit, the promises of God’s Word, and fellowship with other Christians. So this is my confession: I am not a Supermom. I can’t achieve salvation on my own, I can’t parent my kids on my own, and I definitely can’t love my husband on my own (but that’s a story for another blog). I need Jesus.

Ephesians 2:8-9: For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.