Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

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How to be a better mom

May 7, 2008 by Marissa 9 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I am constantly wondering how I could be a better mom. I’ve read a lot of books and talked to a lot of experienced moms, searching for information that might help in my own child-raising struggles. Sometimes I’ll even manage to put a great idea into practice for about a week, and then I fall right back into the same pattern of begging, yelling and bribing in an effort to squeeze some small amount of obedience from my children. I start the day wanting to set a joyful tone for our home, but I find myself become discouraged and irritable, often by 9:00 a.m. (on good days). I feel like I have the pieces of the puzzle, but I can’t keep them together for more than a couple of hours at a time.

On my search for the answer to these dilemmas, I would hear people talk about spending time daily in God’s Word and in prayer. Honestly, I thought it was a little legalistic and regimented. I knew I should be spending more time with God, but it was so hard to set aside the time. (Strangely enough, I have no problem finding the time to play on Facebook and watch American Idol.)

Then came Bible Study Fellowship. I am finishing my first year in BSF, and I can now say that I have discovered the secret to being a better mom. Those “legalists” were right: the answer is spending time with God daily. (Or almost daily, in my case–just being honest!) I still fall short over and over again . . . take this morning, for example, when I was yelling at Christopher about 30 minutes before leaving for BSF. But I find myself less discouraged, less irritable, more joyful, and handling the rough spots in my life much better than I did a year ago. I know the reason for this is that God has been convicting me of my sin and teaching me about His character and truth through my study of His Word. I look forward to becoming even more wise, self-controlled and joyful in my parenting as He teaches me more.

At this point, you might be thinking, “This BSF has a parenting class?” That’s the crazy part about it. I’ve been studying the Gospel of Matthew this year. From the book of Matthew, I’ve learned huge lessons about materialism, obedience, forgiveness, relying on God’s strength, worship, contentment, being a better wife and mom, and so much more. God’s Word is always effective–when it goes out, it never returns void–so no matter what you are studying in God’s Word, He knows what you need and He will teach you through His Truth. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to figure out: Christ tells us in John 15:4-5 that we need to abide in Him. Jesus said that He is the Vine, we are the branches, and we cannot bear fruit apart from Him. It is only by being connected to the Vine that we can accomplish what He has called us to do.

So if you want to be a better mom (or wife, or daughter, or friend), let me encourage you to plug yourself into the only Vine that can provide what you need. If you do not have a Bible study that challenges you to daily study God’s Word and apply it to your life, check to see if there is a BSF group in your area. You can search for BSF classes near you by going to www.bsfinternational.org. It is very likely that your local BSF will be having an intro class during the week of May 12, when you could hear more about BSF and register to be in the class in the fall. If you are reading this after the week of May 12, you can attend intro classes in September and not be too far behind. Two things I love about BSF are the weekly lessons that hold me accountable to be in God’s Word throughout the week and the children’s program for children ages 2 and up. It is not just child care–the children study the same passage as we do, and the program is fabulous.

I’m amazed as I look back at my blog entries since September–almost all of them have been influence in some way by my BSF studies. If you are like me, struggling to keep the puzzle pieces together, please take the time to find a Bible study that will keep you daily connected to the Vine. If you would like more information about BSF, leave me a comment and I will get in touch with you.

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Filed Under: Faith, Parenting Tagged With: Bible study, BSF, motherhood, Parenting, Spiritual Growth

Comments

  1. Jean Stockdale says

    May 8, 2008 at 4:52 am

    I recently came across your blog and I could not agree more. The answer to becoming a good wife, a good mom, a good daughter, etc. is to love Jesus and obey His Word. There is no shortcut-it requires becoming a student of the Word of God. The end result of Bible study is falling in love with Jesus. The end result of being in love with Jesus is becoming a godly woman. The end result of being a godly woman is becoming a good wife and a good mom! Blessings as you train up your child in the way he should go!

    Reply
  2. Courtney says

    May 16, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    I guess I am what would be considered an “older” mom, as I have teenagers and the ones who aren’t, almost are. I just wanted to say a hearty “amen” to your post. There is nothing that has helped me more in my parenting, in being a wife, and just in life in general, than carving out time with my bible and prayer each day. I am so proud that you are learning this and that your heart is open to His Word.

    Reply
  3. Missy @ It's Almost Naptime says

    June 11, 2008 at 9:17 pm

    I am a big BSF fan. In fact my husband and I met at BSF so I owe it a lot! We were both leaders in the coed young adult singles class. About seven marriages came out of our leaders’ group and so far about 15 babies 🙂

    I too can look at my life in kind of a pre-BSF and post-BSF perspective. Getting into God’s word on a regular basis changed my life and answered all those questions I had had all my life. And gave me peace about the answers I didn’t have.

    I did Matthew 7 years ago. I totally fell in love with Jesus through Matthew. I remember crying all day on Good Friday and then waking up on Sunday crying again, because HE WAS ALIVE!! My friend, this guy I had been hanging out with since September, my Savior, was ALIVE! I had never had an Easter like that before – or since, sad to say.

    So glad you are being blessed by it as well. 🙂

    -Missy

    Reply
  4. sarah says

    November 5, 2008 at 7:42 pm

    I love your blog! I think that most moms can really relate to your struggles and it’s refreshing just to hear your honesty. I’ve been doing BSF for 7 years now and just enrolled by 2 year old daughter. She loves it! It’s such a joy to talk about what we learned on the way home…

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Top 10 Reasons to have a Daily Quiet Time « By Grace Alone says:
    June 30, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    […] basis, He will teach me, mold me, strengthen me, and make me more like Christ (which also means being a better mom to my […]

    Reply
  2. A Mother of Three « By Grace Alone says:
    May 28, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    […] was hopeful that things would be different this time around, mostly because when my boys were born, I was not consistently in God’s Word.  Thankfully, by God’s grace, I have a more sure foundation this time […]

    Reply
  3. A Mother of Three - By Grace Alone says:
    August 23, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    […] was hopeful that things would be different this time around, mostly because when my boys were born, I was not consistently in God’s Word.  Thankfully, by God’s grace, I have a more sure foundation this time […]

    Reply
  4. Top 10 Reasons to have a Daily Quiet Time - By Grace Alone says:
    August 23, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    […] basis, He will teach me, mold me, strengthen me, and make me more like Christ (which also means being a better mom to my […]

    Reply
  5. Flashback: How to be a Better Mom - By Grace Alone says:
    August 25, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    […] is an excerpt from a blog post I wrote in May […]

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I write to remind myself of the truth of God's promises. I share my writing here in case you need to be reminded sometimes, too.

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This month we’ve been studying God’s providenc This month we’ve been studying God’s providence—His power to sustain, govern, and direct all things, according to His purpose and without limits. Today we’ll see in the book of Isaiah that God’s providence extends through all eternity in the past, present, and future. 

“Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,’ calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it.” (Isaiah 46:8-11)

Isaiah’s prophecy in the previous chapters wasn’t good news for God’s people in Judah. Isaiah prophesied that they would be taken into exile in Babylon, and God would then work through a Persian king rather than through another king of Israel like David. The people of Judah must have felt dread as they heard these prophecies. 

But then God reminded the people that He is not like other gods. God wanted them to remember the truth about Him and therefore stand firm in their exile. According to Bible scholar J. Alec Motyer, these verses are “Isaiah’s final appeal to Israel to accept the Lord’s will and trust his providence.” 

This appeal is made based on what is true about God: 

“There is none like me . . .”— Only the Lord has the power to rule providentially in this world He created. He’s not battling for control; He’s in control. 

“declaring the end from the beginning . . . “ — He orchestrates all of history, from the very beginning to the very end, all by the power of His word. 

“I have purposed, and I will do it.” — The Lord accomplishes all His purposes. If He wills it, He will do it. 

Whether you’re anxious today about global events or the cells in your own body, whether you’re concerned with your past mistakes or the future for your great-grandchildren, remember this and stand firm: No matter what you face this week, God’s providence extends to every event of history and eternity.
A few days ago, I was telling someone how I planne A few days ago, I was telling someone how I planned to avoid some potential problems that could derail our summer travel plans. She replied, “It sounds like you have a backup plan and a backup plan to that backup plan.” Yep, that’s my MO. I love to have a plan, including as many backup plans as possible, just in case. And still my plans are often thwarted by changes I didn’t expect - ugh, that makes me crazy! 

God is not like me. My limited knowledge and limited control cause my plans - and even my backup plans - to sometimes fail. But God has the wisdom, power, and sovereignty to bring about all of His plans. 

Last week we started a series on God’s providence, which refers to His sustaining power that preserves, governs, and directs everything in creation. Today we’ll see that there is no limit to His providence. It extends to all creation in all places and all situations. There is nothing beyond His providential control. 

“For I know that the LORD is great, and that our Lord is above all gods. Whatever the LORD pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps. He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth, who makes lightnings for the rain and brings forth the wind from his storehouses.” (Psalm 135:5–7)

In these verses, the psalmists highlights four truths about God. He is the great God above all other gods. He does whatever He pleases. His providential work extends to all of His creation- that means everything! And even the wind and rain aren’t random or purely natural occurrences - they are the providential work of our Creator. 
 
This truth brings comfort because we know we will never encounter circumstances beyond God’s providential care for us. He is good and faithful, and He always accomplishes His purposes. He not only brings forth the wind from His storehouses; He also sent His Son to die for us. We may not understand our suffering or the suffering of those we love, but we can trust God’s unlimited providence. 

No matter what you face this week, God’s providence has no limits.
Last week, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety about e Last week, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety about events happening with all three of my teenagers. (Being the mom of teens is tough, y’all!) As I sat across from them at lunchtime, I silently repeated words paraphrased from the Heidelberg Catechism to remind myself that they are not mine, but belong with body and soul, in life and in death, to their faithful Savior Jesus Christ. 

The truth of God’s providence is the only reason those words bring any comfort to this mama’s heart. I’ve heard people say that the suffering in our lives is due to random chance, but when it happens, God steps in with comfort. If that’s true, God is a supportive friend, but He’s not really God. If our faithful Savior is powerless over the fallen world we live in, then maybe we have a glorious future ahead, but we’re basically left on our own for now. Thankfully, God’s Word teaches us that He is powerfully and providentially ruling here and now. 

God’s providence refers to His sustaining power that preserves and governs everything in the world. He didn’t just create the world like a watchmaker winding a clock and then let it run until Christ returns. He actively rules over His creation in every moment, and He does so according to His perfect will, which is rooted in His unfailing knowledge, wisdom, goodness, and justice. 

We find God’s providence proclaimed in many places in the Bible, but these verses are some of my favorites: 

“In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.” (Eph 1:11-12) 

In this passage, Paul is specifically talking about our salvation. We’ve been saved according to God’s purpose and given this amazing inheritance in Christ. But God’s purpose doesn’t only extend to our salvation. He works all things according to His will for the praise of His glory. 

We’ll look at God’s providence in more detail over the next few weeks. But for today, let’s find comfort in this truth: No matter what you face this week, your faithful Savior sustains, preserves, and governs every moment.
I have a confession to make: I love to tell people I have a confession to make: I love to tell people what to do. I’m a bossy person, and this character flaw revealed itself early in my childhood. My siblings often told me, “You’re not the boss of me!” Our poor brother had two older sisters telling him what to do, and one day, he snapped, “I don’t need three mommies!” 

It’s a natural human tendency to wonder who’s in charge. Some of us also have the strong desire to be the one in charge; others are looking for someone to follow. But we all understand that someone needs to be the boss. 

For the last few weeks, we’ve been looking at reasons Jesus came. We’ve seen how He is our redeeming Sacrifice, our reconciling Savior, and our righteous Advocate. Scripture also tells us that Jesus Christ is our reigning King. 

“Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Philippians 2:9–11) 

God the Father has highly exalted the risen Son. His name is above every name, proving there is no one greater. Ephesians 1:21 tells us that God has seated Him “far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.” Paul pulls out every extreme phrase he can find, but the human language can’t adequately describe the supremacy of Christ’s reign. 

At Christ’s first coming, only a few knelt in worship—a handful of shepherds and a some traveling kings. The angels sang His praise, but much of the world was silent. As word spread about His birth, the reigning king of His time sought to kill the infant Messiah. 

But at His second coming, every knee will bow. Every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. God will be glorified as all creation sees what we know is true today: Jesus reigns. 

No matter what you face this week, Jesus came to be your reigning King.
In an episode from the first season of The West Wi In an episode from the first season of The West Wing, White House Deputy Communications Director Sam Seaborn is on his way out of the office for a weekend away when he runs back to his desk to answer one last phone call. It’s an old high school acquaintance, now a defense attorney, calling to plead the case of a federal death row inmate seeking a stay of execution. 

The defense attorney needs someone with the ear of the President, so he calls Sam. The condemned man doesn’t just need an advocate, he needs an advocate with power and influence to present persuasive arguments to the one man who can grant a reprieve. 

We need an advocate, too. We are condemned by our sin, and the punishment we deserve is death (Romans 6:23). But the Lamb of God who was the redeeming sacrifice for us and reconciled us to God is now seated at the right hand of the Father. What is He doing as He sits there? He’s advocating for us. 

“My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.” (1 John 2:1)

Jesus has the evidence needed for our forgiveness. John describes our advocate as “Jesus Christ the righteous.” Jesus is not only our redeeming sacrifice, He covers us with His righteousness. He advocates for us to the Father based on the perfect life He lived for us, not any good that we have done. 

Jesus not only has the righteousness needed, He also has the ear of the Father. Romans 8:34 tells us that Jesus Christ is at the right hand of the Father, interceding for us. The Father has given the Son the exalted place at His right hand, and we benefit from it. We have a Savior who has the ear of the Creator and Judge, saying, “She’s mine. She’s covered.”

Because of our righteous advocate, “when we enter into the presence of God, we go not to hear his justice prosecute us but to hear his love plead for us” (William Barclay, The Letter to the Hebrews, p. 19). 

No matter what you face this week, Jesus Christ came to be your righteous Advocate.
I got my first credit card when I was in college. I got my first credit card when I was in college. It was meant for emergencies only, but I became very relaxed with my definition of “emergency.” Is going out to dinner with friends an emergency? What about not having something to wear for a special occasion?

By the time I graduated, I racked up more than $1000 in credit card debt and had no way to pay it. The debt weighed on me—I felt the burden of it every day. Finally, I had to tell my soon-to-be husband that he was marrying into this debt. He was gracious about it, and we used wedding gifts to pay it off. But I regretted starting married life with nothing positive to offer our financial situation. 

Last week we saw that Jesus came to be a redeeming sacrifice for us. Our relationship with God was broken because we couldn’t pay the debt our sin required. But Jesus didn’t just wipe the slate clean, put us back at zero, and leave us to prove ourselves to God on our own. In His life, death, and resurrection, Jesus Christ did all that was necessary to fully reconcile us to God: 

“For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.” (Colossians 1:19–20)

We have peace with God because of the blood Jesus shed on the cross. This is why the baby was born in the stable—to pay our debt and fix the devastation our sin caused in our relationship with God. These verses tell us that His redeeming sacrifice had the power to reconcile all things on earth or in heaven. 

Because the fullness of God dwells in Him, Jesus Christ has the power to reconcile you to God. You don’t need to worry about paying your own debt of sin or getting yourself on God’s positive side with your good works. Christ’s work is sufficient to bring you into a reconciled relationship with your Heavenly Father. 

No matter what you face this week, Jesus Christ came to fully reconcile you to God.
The week after Thanksgiving, most of us fall into The week after Thanksgiving, most of us fall into one of three groups: those who are feeling great about our Christmas preparations, those who are trying not to panic, and those who are blissfully optimistic that Santa and his elves will make, wrap, and deliver the perfect gifts for their loved ones on Christmas Eve. 

When you’re buried neck-deep in shopping lists, tangled tiny lights, and wrapping paper, it’s easy to lose sight of why God the Son came to earth and was born in that Bethlehem stable. 

I’ve got good news for you—He didn’t come just to give you more to do every December. Over the next few Mondays, we’ll look at some of the reasons Jesus came. We’ve been in John 1 for the past few weeks, so let’s start there in John 1:29: 

“The next day [John] saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, ‘Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!’” (John 1:29)

In this verse, John the Baptist proclaims one reason the Son of God walked on earth—to be the Lamb of God who takes away our sin. 

The Lamb of God lived the perfect life. God’s justice requires a perfect sacrifice—a spotless lamb without blemish. Jesus Christ perfectly obeyed His Father and met the standard of righteousness that we fail to reach. 

The Lamb of God died for you. Romans 8:32 says God did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all. After living the perfect life, Jesus Christ took the punishment for your sin as He suffered and died on the cross. 

The Lamb of God rose again. First Corinthians 15:55 reminds us that the Lamb of God defeated death for us: “Oh death, where is your victory?” When Jesus Christ rose again, He proved His power to give eternal life to His redeemed people. 

In His life, death, and resurrection, the Lamb of God accomplished all that was required for your redemption. He came with a mission, and He completed it. Now that’s a reason to rejoice as we prepare to celebrate His birth! 

No matter what you face this week, Jesus came to be a redeeming sacrifice for you.
For the past couple of weeks, we’ve been studyin For the past couple of weeks, we’ve been studying John’s description of Jesus in John 1. We’ve seen that God’s Son is eternal and all things were created through Him and for Him. Today we see that He brings light and life to a world in bondage to darkness and death:

“In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it . . . The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world.” (John 1:4-5, 9)

Again, John wants us to make a connection to the creation story in Genesis 1. God created light and separated light from darkness (Genesis 1:3-4). He made the sun and the stars to give us light (Genesis 1:14-18). He created man and “breathed into his nostrils the breath of life” (Genesis 2:7). God is the giver of light and life.

Because of sin, the world God made was lost in darkness and destined for death. God sent His Son to bring the light of life:

“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” (John 8:12)

Now light and life could be heard, seen, and touched in the Messiah, Jesus Christ. As an eyewitness to Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection, John testifies about the “word of life”—that “which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands” (1 John 1:1).

God is the giver of light and life. In Jesus Christ, God shines the light in our darkness, that we may see our sin and confess our need for the Savior who died to give us eternal life. The darkness cannot overcome the light Christ brings. He has met our greatest need—our need to be saved from sin and death—so we can trust Him with every other need we have.

No matter what you face this week, Jesus gives you the light of life.
Last week we started studying John 1 and its evide Last week we started studying John 1 and its evidence for why we can trust the eternal, divine Son of God, Jesus Christ. Today we learn more about what the Son was doing in the beginning of time: 

“He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made.” (John 1:2-3)

The Son wasn’t a passive observer of creation—all things were made through Him. We read the words “God said” over and over in Genesis 1. With each act of creation, God spoke something into existence by the power of His Word. (See Genesis 1:3, 6, 9, 11, 14, 20, 24, 26, 29.) John wants us to make the connection that this Word is the Son who “became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14). 

What difference does this truth make in our daily lives when we struggle to trust Christ through difficult circumstances? Elsewhere in Scripture, we see the Son’s creative work tied closely with His sustaining reign over all things. Paul writes in Colossians that all things were created by, through, and for the Son: 

“For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:16-17) 

In Hebrews, we see this strong statement about the sustaining power of the Son: 

“He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” (Hebrews 1:3a) 

God the Son was there in the beginning. All things were made through Him and for Him. Nothing He has made can spin out of His control—He upholds it all by His power. 

This same Word is your Savior who gave His life for you. He is your good Shepherd, and He cares for you. His faithful care is unlimited because of His divine power—all of creation answers to Him. 

No matter what you face this week, you can trust God’s Son because all things were made through Him and for Him.
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