Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

  • About
    • Writing Coaching
    • Need a speaker?
  • The blog
    • Videos
    • Guest appearances
    • No Matter What Monday
    • Cancer
    • Family
    • Faith
  • The book
  • Contact
  • Free Ebook

"Don’t Make Me Count to Three!" (continued)

August 5, 2007 by Marissa 4 Comments

I’ve finished Don’t Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman (see previous post below for the basic premise of the book) and have been trying to apply the principles for about three weeks. I recommend that every Christian mom buy a copy immediately, and just for the record, if you have read the book already and didn’t tell me about it, you are in big trouble! There are many ideas that were meaningful to me, and I should probably make your life easier by splitting them into more than one post. But I want to get this done while they are fresh in my head, so read as far as you can and feel free to come back tomorrow. I won’t know. 🙂 So here it goes . . .

p. 33: “Behavior is simply what alerts you to your child’s need for correction. But don’t make the mistake that so many parents make and allow your desire for changed behavior to replace your desire for a changed heart.” She goes on to quote Tedd Tripp’s words about how changed behavior that does not stem from a changed heart being the same hypocrisy displayed by the Pharisees. The tough part is that going beyond the changed behavior to a changed heart takes so much more time and energy and thought.

P. 40: “Our goal in probing our child’s heart is to bring him to the sober assessment of himself as a sinner, to help him recognize his need for Christ, and to teach him to act, think and be motivated as a Christian. It is not that difficult to train our children to act as Christians. We have really accomplished something when we have trained them to think like Christians. Thinking like a Christian will help them grow in wisdom and prepare them to govern their own behavior in a way that will glorify God.”

She makes the point multiple times that the reason we must train and instruct our children in obedience is so someday they will be ready to submit in obedience to God. It isn’t so people will marvel at my obedient, well-mannered children or to make my life easier because we all get along so nicely. I want their disobedience to point them to their need for a Savior. I want them to grow in wisdom as I speak God’s Word (Scripture) to them. As Ginger Plowman puts it, I want to prepare their hearts for the Savior by praying for them and being a godly example (p. 75).

One section of this book that was especially convicting was one of her guidelines for verbal correction: using the right tone of voice. She quotes Proverbs 15:28: “The heart of the righteous weighs its answers but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.” Too often I fly off the handle and just start scolding Christopher without stopping to pray and choose my words and tone of voice carefully. Plowman also quotes H. Clay Trumbull’s writings in 1891 about scolding, which he defines as “an expression of a bad spirit and a loss of temper” and “to assail or revile with boisterous speech.” He writes: “If a child has done wrong, a child needs talking to; but no parent ought to talk to a child while that parent is unable to talk in a natural tone of voice, and with carefully measured words. If the parent is tempted to speak rapidly . . . the parent’s first duty is to gain entire self-control . . . Scolding never benefits the one against whom it is directed . . . however, it may give physical relief to the one who indulges in it.” (p. 89-90 in Plowman’s book). All I can say about that is OUCH.

Another great thought from the book is the way she defines the standard of obedience. In their family, they must obey “all the way, right away, and with a happy heart” (p. 117). She talks about expecting complete obedience, immediate obedience, and joyful obedience. To fail in any of these aspects is an act of disobedience. The thought of enforcing this standard is overwhelming and exhausting to me, but I am motivated by knowing that this is how my children should someday obey Jesus. It is my responsibility to not let them become lazy in obeying me so that they will not be lazy in obeying their Lord and Savior.

Finally, I continue to be convicted of my need to know Scripture better and use it more often in the training and instruction of my children. After reading I Corinthians 13 with Christopher and mentioning it often, I praised him one morning for how kind he was being to his brother. He replied, “Yes! Just like we read in Mommy’s Bible!” It was so encouraging to me that he is starting to understand that these are not arbitrary principles given on my own authority. These are principles given to us by our Creator as we submit to His authority. I went through Plowman’s book and made notecards of all the Bible verses she mentioned. The notecards are sorted into two stacks: verses of encouragement or conviction for my kids and verses of encouragement or conviction for me. Here’s the list–and if you don’t have a Bible handy, you can look them up at http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/.

For the kids:

I Corinthians 13:4-7 (love)—Galatians 5:22-23 (fruits of the Spirit)—Matthew 5:9 (promoting peace)—Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20 (obeying your parents)—Philippians 2:14 (complaining)—I Thessalonians 5:16-18 and Psalm 100:2 (having a joyful attitude)— Proverbs 17:5b (not rejoicing at your brother’s sorrow)—Matthew 18:15 (solving conflict with your brother)—Ephesians 4:32 (kindness and forgiveness)—Proverbs 6:16-19 (six things God hates).

For moms:

James 1:2-4 (positive results of enduring trials)—James 1:5 (wisdom)—Proverbs 15:28 (weighing my words)—Hebrews 4:12 (the power of God’s Word)—Colossians 3:13 (forgiving my kids–see post below)— Proverbs 3:5-6 (trusting the Lord)—James 3:17-18 (God’s wisdom)—Ephesians 6:4 (do not provoke your children)—Proverbs 22:15 (the rod of discipline).

And the verse I’m clinging to as I pray for the wisdom and strength to put all of this into practice:

Galatians 6:8-9: For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

I’m not sure when that due season is–it is probably not anytime soon, and may not even be during my time on this earth–but God has promised that we WILL reap what we sow if we do not give up!

Share

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Bible, discipline, faith, Ginger Plowman, motherhood, obedience, Parenting, Scripture

Comments

  1. Missy says

    August 12, 2007 at 1:52 am

    Eventually I am going to get around to sending an email in your direction for more detail (after my root canal…its a long and painful story) but I had to share a laugh. I asked Doug to pass me the book, as it was sitting on the computer desk next to him. It had been a long day. He said, “Which one? Don’t Make Me Count to Three Again?” HA!! It does feel like that some days–so glad that you pointed me back to this poignant, insightful book.

    Reply
  2. Ruth says

    October 29, 2007 at 11:09 pm

    Just found your blog….i too love this book, and am glad to read your journey. thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. it’s good to find those of like-mind.

    Reply
  3. Ruth says

    October 29, 2007 at 11:10 pm

    Just found your blog….i too love this book, and am glad to read your journey. thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. it’s good to find those of like-mind.

    Reply
  4. Jill says

    August 16, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    Thank you for your blog, I found it very encouraging. I am thinking of buying this book, because I feel discouraged in the way I am relating to my 5.5 year old son (and 9 y.o. daughter) and I am looking for new ways to discipline and solve conflict with them. I have read Ted Tripp’s book, and enjoyed it. I have also read “Creative Correction” by Lisa Whelchel, and enjoyed that a lot too. I will have to buy this book ASAP. Thanks for your analysis of it and your ideas! God bless you in your mothering journey!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Welcome

marissahenley.com

I write to remind myself of the truth of God's promises. I share my writing here in case you need to be reminded sometimes, too.

Learn more about the book!

marissahenley.com

Loving Your Friend through Cancer is now available! I'm excited to share this resource with you and pray it equips you to support your friend with compassionate care.

Let’s Connect Everywhere!

Instagram

marissa.henley

Over the past few weeks, we’ve taken a deep dive Over the past few weeks, we’ve taken a deep dive into God’s providence: His sustaining power by which He governs and directs all things according to His purpose, without limit and throughout all eternity. When we talk about God’s providence, the question inevitably arises: What about human decisions?

I hate to disappoint you, but this topic has been debated for centuries and probably won’t be satisfactorily explained in this short devotional. 😝 But, as we should with any question we have about God, let’s turn to His Word and see how it shapes our thinking.

In Genesis 45, we find the words Joseph spoke to his brothers, years after they sold him into slavery in Egypt:

“And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life . . . So it was not you who sent me here, but God.” (Gen 45:5, 8a)

So who caused Joseph to end up in Egypt—God or Joseph’s brothers? Did Joseph’s brothers make a free and sinful choice to sell their brother into slavery? Yes, they did. Did God send Joseph to Egypt for the sake of His good plan to preserve His people? Yes, He did.

We tend to think of causality in human terms as a zero-sum game, meaning there can’t be two causes that are both 100% the cause of an event. But God’s causality is transcendent—it's not like human causality at all. There’s no zero-sum game between God’s providence and our freedom.

God’s Word teaches both the total sovereignty of God and the freedom of His creatures. As we consider this mystery, we must also acknowledge that as His creatures, we are not independent of Him. Even our creaturely freedom is a result of His providence.

So when we say God’s sustaining power directs and governs all things, this includes human decisions, even evil decisions (Gen 50:20) and those made by the most powerful people (Prov 21:1).

I know this has been heavy, and we may not agree on every point. That’s okay. But I hope this truth brings comfort as we remember that nothing can reach us without passing through God’s providential, faithful hands.

No matter what you face this week, God’s providence includes all the human decisions that affect our lives.
This month we’ve been studying God’s providenc This month we’ve been studying God’s providence—His power to sustain, govern, and direct all things, according to His purpose and without limits. Today we’ll see in the book of Isaiah that God’s providence extends through all eternity in the past, present, and future. 

“Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,’ calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it.” (Isaiah 46:8-11)

Isaiah’s prophecy in the previous chapters wasn’t good news for God’s people in Judah. Isaiah prophesied that they would be taken into exile in Babylon, and God would then work through a Persian king rather than through another king of Israel like David. The people of Judah must have felt dread as they heard these prophecies. 

But then God reminded the people that He is not like other gods. God wanted them to remember the truth about Him and therefore stand firm in their exile. According to Bible scholar J. Alec Motyer, these verses are “Isaiah’s final appeal to Israel to accept the Lord’s will and trust his providence.” 

This appeal is made based on what is true about God: 

“There is none like me . . .”— Only the Lord has the power to rule providentially in this world He created. He’s not battling for control; He’s in control. 

“declaring the end from the beginning . . . “ — He orchestrates all of history, from the very beginning to the very end, all by the power of His word. 

“I have purposed, and I will do it.” — The Lord accomplishes all His purposes. If He wills it, He will do it. 

Whether you’re anxious today about global events or the cells in your own body, whether you’re concerned with your past mistakes or the future for your great-grandchildren, remember this and stand firm: No matter what you face this week, God’s providence extends to every event of history and eternity.
A few days ago, I was telling someone how I planne A few days ago, I was telling someone how I planned to avoid some potential problems that could derail our summer travel plans. She replied, “It sounds like you have a backup plan and a backup plan to that backup plan.” Yep, that’s my MO. I love to have a plan, including as many backup plans as possible, just in case. And still my plans are often thwarted by changes I didn’t expect - ugh, that makes me crazy! 

God is not like me. My limited knowledge and limited control cause my plans - and even my backup plans - to sometimes fail. But God has the wisdom, power, and sovereignty to bring about all of His plans. 

Last week we started a series on God’s providence, which refers to His sustaining power that preserves, governs, and directs everything in creation. Today we’ll see that there is no limit to His providence. It extends to all creation in all places and all situations. There is nothing beyond His providential control. 

“For I know that the LORD is great, and that our Lord is above all gods. Whatever the LORD pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps. He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth, who makes lightnings for the rain and brings forth the wind from his storehouses.” (Psalm 135:5–7)

In these verses, the psalmists highlights four truths about God. He is the great God above all other gods. He does whatever He pleases. His providential work extends to all of His creation- that means everything! And even the wind and rain aren’t random or purely natural occurrences - they are the providential work of our Creator. 
 
This truth brings comfort because we know we will never encounter circumstances beyond God’s providential care for us. He is good and faithful, and He always accomplishes His purposes. He not only brings forth the wind from His storehouses; He also sent His Son to die for us. We may not understand our suffering or the suffering of those we love, but we can trust God’s unlimited providence. 

No matter what you face this week, God’s providence has no limits.
Last week, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety about e Last week, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety about events happening with all three of my teenagers. (Being the mom of teens is tough, y’all!) As I sat across from them at lunchtime, I silently repeated words paraphrased from the Heidelberg Catechism to remind myself that they are not mine, but belong with body and soul, in life and in death, to their faithful Savior Jesus Christ. 

The truth of God’s providence is the only reason those words bring any comfort to this mama’s heart. I’ve heard people say that the suffering in our lives is due to random chance, but when it happens, God steps in with comfort. If that’s true, God is a supportive friend, but He’s not really God. If our faithful Savior is powerless over the fallen world we live in, then maybe we have a glorious future ahead, but we’re basically left on our own for now. Thankfully, God’s Word teaches us that He is powerfully and providentially ruling here and now. 

God’s providence refers to His sustaining power that preserves and governs everything in the world. He didn’t just create the world like a watchmaker winding a clock and then let it run until Christ returns. He actively rules over His creation in every moment, and He does so according to His perfect will, which is rooted in His unfailing knowledge, wisdom, goodness, and justice. 

We find God’s providence proclaimed in many places in the Bible, but these verses are some of my favorites: 

“In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.” (Eph 1:11-12) 

In this passage, Paul is specifically talking about our salvation. We’ve been saved according to God’s purpose and given this amazing inheritance in Christ. But God’s purpose doesn’t only extend to our salvation. He works all things according to His will for the praise of His glory. 

We’ll look at God’s providence in more detail over the next few weeks. But for today, let’s find comfort in this truth: No matter what you face this week, your faithful Savior sustains, preserves, and governs every moment.
I have a confession to make: I love to tell people I have a confession to make: I love to tell people what to do. I’m a bossy person, and this character flaw revealed itself early in my childhood. My siblings often told me, “You’re not the boss of me!” Our poor brother had two older sisters telling him what to do, and one day, he snapped, “I don’t need three mommies!” 

It’s a natural human tendency to wonder who’s in charge. Some of us also have the strong desire to be the one in charge; others are looking for someone to follow. But we all understand that someone needs to be the boss. 

For the last few weeks, we’ve been looking at reasons Jesus came. We’ve seen how He is our redeeming Sacrifice, our reconciling Savior, and our righteous Advocate. Scripture also tells us that Jesus Christ is our reigning King. 

“Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Philippians 2:9–11) 

God the Father has highly exalted the risen Son. His name is above every name, proving there is no one greater. Ephesians 1:21 tells us that God has seated Him “far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.” Paul pulls out every extreme phrase he can find, but the human language can’t adequately describe the supremacy of Christ’s reign. 

At Christ’s first coming, only a few knelt in worship—a handful of shepherds and a some traveling kings. The angels sang His praise, but much of the world was silent. As word spread about His birth, the reigning king of His time sought to kill the infant Messiah. 

But at His second coming, every knee will bow. Every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. God will be glorified as all creation sees what we know is true today: Jesus reigns. 

No matter what you face this week, Jesus came to be your reigning King.
In an episode from the first season of The West Wi In an episode from the first season of The West Wing, White House Deputy Communications Director Sam Seaborn is on his way out of the office for a weekend away when he runs back to his desk to answer one last phone call. It’s an old high school acquaintance, now a defense attorney, calling to plead the case of a federal death row inmate seeking a stay of execution. 

The defense attorney needs someone with the ear of the President, so he calls Sam. The condemned man doesn’t just need an advocate, he needs an advocate with power and influence to present persuasive arguments to the one man who can grant a reprieve. 

We need an advocate, too. We are condemned by our sin, and the punishment we deserve is death (Romans 6:23). But the Lamb of God who was the redeeming sacrifice for us and reconciled us to God is now seated at the right hand of the Father. What is He doing as He sits there? He’s advocating for us. 

“My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.” (1 John 2:1)

Jesus has the evidence needed for our forgiveness. John describes our advocate as “Jesus Christ the righteous.” Jesus is not only our redeeming sacrifice, He covers us with His righteousness. He advocates for us to the Father based on the perfect life He lived for us, not any good that we have done. 

Jesus not only has the righteousness needed, He also has the ear of the Father. Romans 8:34 tells us that Jesus Christ is at the right hand of the Father, interceding for us. The Father has given the Son the exalted place at His right hand, and we benefit from it. We have a Savior who has the ear of the Creator and Judge, saying, “She’s mine. She’s covered.”

Because of our righteous advocate, “when we enter into the presence of God, we go not to hear his justice prosecute us but to hear his love plead for us” (William Barclay, The Letter to the Hebrews, p. 19). 

No matter what you face this week, Jesus Christ came to be your righteous Advocate.
I got my first credit card when I was in college. I got my first credit card when I was in college. It was meant for emergencies only, but I became very relaxed with my definition of “emergency.” Is going out to dinner with friends an emergency? What about not having something to wear for a special occasion?

By the time I graduated, I racked up more than $1000 in credit card debt and had no way to pay it. The debt weighed on me—I felt the burden of it every day. Finally, I had to tell my soon-to-be husband that he was marrying into this debt. He was gracious about it, and we used wedding gifts to pay it off. But I regretted starting married life with nothing positive to offer our financial situation. 

Last week we saw that Jesus came to be a redeeming sacrifice for us. Our relationship with God was broken because we couldn’t pay the debt our sin required. But Jesus didn’t just wipe the slate clean, put us back at zero, and leave us to prove ourselves to God on our own. In His life, death, and resurrection, Jesus Christ did all that was necessary to fully reconcile us to God: 

“For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.” (Colossians 1:19–20)

We have peace with God because of the blood Jesus shed on the cross. This is why the baby was born in the stable—to pay our debt and fix the devastation our sin caused in our relationship with God. These verses tell us that His redeeming sacrifice had the power to reconcile all things on earth or in heaven. 

Because the fullness of God dwells in Him, Jesus Christ has the power to reconcile you to God. You don’t need to worry about paying your own debt of sin or getting yourself on God’s positive side with your good works. Christ’s work is sufficient to bring you into a reconciled relationship with your Heavenly Father. 

No matter what you face this week, Jesus Christ came to fully reconcile you to God.
The week after Thanksgiving, most of us fall into The week after Thanksgiving, most of us fall into one of three groups: those who are feeling great about our Christmas preparations, those who are trying not to panic, and those who are blissfully optimistic that Santa and his elves will make, wrap, and deliver the perfect gifts for their loved ones on Christmas Eve. 

When you’re buried neck-deep in shopping lists, tangled tiny lights, and wrapping paper, it’s easy to lose sight of why God the Son came to earth and was born in that Bethlehem stable. 

I’ve got good news for you—He didn’t come just to give you more to do every December. Over the next few Mondays, we’ll look at some of the reasons Jesus came. We’ve been in John 1 for the past few weeks, so let’s start there in John 1:29: 

“The next day [John] saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, ‘Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!’” (John 1:29)

In this verse, John the Baptist proclaims one reason the Son of God walked on earth—to be the Lamb of God who takes away our sin. 

The Lamb of God lived the perfect life. God’s justice requires a perfect sacrifice—a spotless lamb without blemish. Jesus Christ perfectly obeyed His Father and met the standard of righteousness that we fail to reach. 

The Lamb of God died for you. Romans 8:32 says God did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all. After living the perfect life, Jesus Christ took the punishment for your sin as He suffered and died on the cross. 

The Lamb of God rose again. First Corinthians 15:55 reminds us that the Lamb of God defeated death for us: “Oh death, where is your victory?” When Jesus Christ rose again, He proved His power to give eternal life to His redeemed people. 

In His life, death, and resurrection, the Lamb of God accomplished all that was required for your redemption. He came with a mission, and He completed it. Now that’s a reason to rejoice as we prepare to celebrate His birth! 

No matter what you face this week, Jesus came to be a redeeming sacrifice for you.
For the past couple of weeks, we’ve been studyin For the past couple of weeks, we’ve been studying John’s description of Jesus in John 1. We’ve seen that God’s Son is eternal and all things were created through Him and for Him. Today we see that He brings light and life to a world in bondage to darkness and death:

“In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it . . . The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world.” (John 1:4-5, 9)

Again, John wants us to make a connection to the creation story in Genesis 1. God created light and separated light from darkness (Genesis 1:3-4). He made the sun and the stars to give us light (Genesis 1:14-18). He created man and “breathed into his nostrils the breath of life” (Genesis 2:7). God is the giver of light and life.

Because of sin, the world God made was lost in darkness and destined for death. God sent His Son to bring the light of life:

“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” (John 8:12)

Now light and life could be heard, seen, and touched in the Messiah, Jesus Christ. As an eyewitness to Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection, John testifies about the “word of life”—that “which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands” (1 John 1:1).

God is the giver of light and life. In Jesus Christ, God shines the light in our darkness, that we may see our sin and confess our need for the Savior who died to give us eternal life. The darkness cannot overcome the light Christ brings. He has met our greatest need—our need to be saved from sin and death—so we can trust Him with every other need we have.

No matter what you face this week, Jesus gives you the light of life.
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Looking For Something?

Copyright © 2023 · Beautiful Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in