Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

Splinters

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Last night as we were enjoying a gorgeous evening in our backyard, Christopher started complaining that his finger hurt. “Well, how convenient,” I replied, gesturing toward my hubby, “your dad is a finger doctor!” Christopher had two splinters in his finger, and after 10 minutes with the finger doctor, Christopher re-emerged from the house screaming hysterically. The splinters were too deep for tweezers, and Daddy would need to use a needle to scrape away the skin and get to the splinters.

For close to an hour, Christopher was hysterical, and we were miserable. He settled into an annoying wimper, and anytime we mentioned taking the splinter out, it erupted into terrified screaming. I tried begging, distracting, admonishing, and yelling (why is it that yelling at them to stop yelling NEVER works??). Will joined in, pointing his finger at Christopher and saying, “Stop that, right now!” exactly the way I do when they throw a tantrum or fight with each other. (Yep, that one hurt. Will be trying to remove that from my repertoire.) We even tried holding him down, with Little Einsteins playing for good measure, but he went ballistic and there was no way to keep his finger from moving.

So I stuck him in his room for several minutes while I calmed down. He was still crying when I went in, and he didn’t even want me in the room for fear that I would try to take the splinter out. It was insane. But this time I had come armed with new ammunition: Scripture and the promise of chocolate ice cream. I finally got him calmed down enough for us to talk about the situation. I asked if he remembered our memory verse for the week, which conveniently enough, is: Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9). We talked about how it might hurt a little, but that God would be with Him. Plus, if he was good and brave, he would get chocolate ice cream.

Finally, he agreed to the procedure, and Daddy worked on his finger for a few minutes while we repeated our Bible verse and talked about the ice cream.

Daddy was only able to get 1 1/2 of the 2 splinters out, so we gave up, put a band-aid on and went to get ice cream. Christopher commented, “God always gets the splinters out.” **Insert teaching moment here** I explained that God doesn’t always get the splinters out. Sometimes bad, scary, or hurtful things happen, but He promises He will be with us while we are hurting and scared.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I got the lesson God had hidden in the splinter incident for me. I have been feeling very anxious about losing a baby or having pregnancy complications–and I’m not even pregnant yet! The idea of becoming pregnant with preschoolers at home who would be traumatized if something sad happened is scary to me. I realized from my words to Christopher last night that I’m not going to get any promises from God that I will have a healthy, complication-free pregnancy. But I do have His promises that He will be with us. He will never leave us or forsake us! And, obviously, I need to pull out Calm My Anxious Heart again.

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A Meek and Quiet Spirit, Part 1

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When I recently ordered the Maxwell’s scheduling book (Managers of Their Homes), I noticed another book on Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit, by Teri Maxwell. No thanks, I thought. You see, I’m planning on homeschooling three days a week with an angry and resentful spirit. Who wants to be meek and quiet? Doesn’t sound like it would serve my interests all that well. It was about at that point in the train of thought that I realized I must immediately click “Add to Cart.” And I’m really glad I did.

I would definitely recommend this book to any homeschooling mother OR any mom who struggles with keeping her sanity, let alone a meek and quiet spirit, during long days at home with preschoolers. I’ve learned so much already from this book, and I haven’t even gotten to Chapter 6: Hard Work and Dying to Self. I know that one is going to hurt tomorrow morning and will probably result in the post, A Meek and Quiet Spirit, Part 2 (why I changed my mind about this book). Ha ha!

I have learned so much from her discussion of “meek and quiet spirit robbers” such as fear and worry, disorganization, and anger. I have been reminded several times by this book that my children are watching the way I deal with worries and how I control (or fail to control) my anger and frustration. All of my teaching on self-control won’t do any good if I don’t exhibit it myself!

In her chapter on Anger, Maxwell writes about having high goals and low expectations for our kids. Low expectations should not be confused with permissiveness. But she points out that our children are just that–children. They are in the process of learning how to be godly adults (we hope), but they are still learning. So while we have lofty goals for our children’s obedience, kindness to others, self-control, responsibility, etc., we must understand that they are going to fall short of those goals. Our expectation is that they will disobey and require discipline from us. If I start my day knowing this, it will take away my shock that our son is yelling at his brother over a toy again and might help me keep my temper under control.

Maxwell also suggests having well-defined consequences mapped out for disobedience or irresponsibility. That way, there is no stress involved in figuring out how to handle disciplining a child. When the child disobeys, the consequence is given. That way, the consequence doesn’t depend on mom’s mood or how many times the infraction has occurred that afternoon, and everyone knows what to expect.

Maxwell also points out that anger is a choice. She gives the examples of not being as easily angered at church as we are at home, or yelling at our children until the phone rings and then answering the phone in a calm tone of voice. That was so convicting for me! It is a choice. And so often I choose poorly because I am trying to rely on my own strength. What I appreciate about this book is that it is not only giving me practical suggestions for how to deal with fear, disorganization and anger, but also reminding me that I will not do well at any of it if I am not relying on God’s grace and strength. His grace is sufficient!

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My new summer schedule

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I recently read “Managers of Their Homes” by Steve and Teri Maxwell, which is a scheduling book for homeschooling moms (primarily those with several kids). Although I will only be homeschooling 3 days a week and don’t intend to ever have more than 3 children (never say never, right??), this book was very helpful to me. (Thank you, Lynette for recommending it. Has anyone noticed all the great recommendations I get from Lynette? I recommend that you get a Lynette in your life–someone who reads the newspaper every day and talks often with intelligent people and is full of useful and interesting information.)

One reason I wanted to read about developing a schedule for our family is that I feel that on days that we are at home, I tend to ignore my kids. That sounds awful, but it is true. They play reasonably well together, so I can get away with sitting on the computer, writing insightful blog posts, emailing friends, and updating my Facebook status, only emerging occasionally to referee their arguments and hand out snacks. Then all of a sudden, it is dinnertime and my kids haven’t been read to all day. So after reading the Maxwells’ advice, I sat down to make a schedule. I prayerfully considered all the things I want to accomplish in a day: teaching Christopher to do chores, reading to the kids, having Christopher read to me, coloring and doing crafts with them, playing outside, having time for family worship/Scripture memory/prayer, and spending individual time with each boy while the other one does something independently. Then I mapped out three schedules–one for days we go somewhere in the morning, one for days we go somewhere in the afternoon, and one for days we (gulp) stay home all day.

I am proud to say that implemented my schedule last week. It seemed like a good week to start, since it was a 4-day week, and I left town on Friday, so I really only had three days of the schedule. Are you dying to know how it went? I thought so.

Day One: Things went fairly well, except for when I set Christopher up to color and practice writing letters while I played with Will, and Will wanted to color instead of playing in his room with me. I think the concept of playing alone with Mommy was so new to him he didn’t understand what was happening. But once we got going with some puzzles, he had a great time. We got behind schedule in the afternoon, and things started getting a little hairy. But Daddy came home early and whisked the boys away on errands at 4:30, bringing the schedule to a mercifully early end.

Day Two: Beautiful. Of course, the kids were with a sitter all morning. Sure does make it easier!

Day Three: Made it through half of the day (the part where we were gone all morning) and abandoned the schedule for the afternoon in the interest of laundry, packing and errands before leaving town.

So it may not be the most successful start, but there is all kinds of time between now and Labor Day for improvement. I have noticed several advantages already. The primary one is that I have been getting up earlier. All four days last week, I was completely showered and dressed AND spent time with God before my kids got up. I am not a morning person, and so this is a big deal for me. Of course, it isn’t so hard to get up when the sun is shining and there are birds singing outside my window–the winter will be more challenging! Also, I’ve been more organized with my housework. I thought I wouldn’t get as much done because I’m spending more intentional time playing with my kids, but somehow the opposite has happened. Amazing! And even on the days that the schedule came unglued, I read to my kids and Christopher read to me. In just a week of dedicated reading time with Christopher, his reading skills have really taken off. I’m so proud of him!

If this is something you’d like to try and want more info, leave a comment and I’d be happy to email you my schedules. I think it will be great this summer to keep us from just wasting the time we have together, and it will be great when preschool starts back up so I can prioritize the things I want to accomplish with the kids.

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Great Mommy Interview

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I am a faithful reader of Rocks In My Dryer, a witty and informative blog written by someone much wiser and funnier than I am. (Thanks to my friend Lynette for telling me about it!) Yesterday, Shannon posted an interview with her mom that contains so much great wisdom that I’m considering posting it on my bathroom mirror. I thought you all might enjoy it, too.

http://rocksinmydryer.typepad.com/shannon/2008/05/interview-with.html

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