Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

Obedience

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Disclaimer: This post is about my being obedient to what God is calling me to do for my children’s education. I do not mean to imply that everyone else should make the same decision that we are with regard to schools. Even if you live near me and are weighing the same options, I do not know what God is calling you to do or what is best for your family. I do not think it is wrong or unwise or selfish for other families to choose public school for their kids if that is where God calls them to be. In fact, I don’t think it would be good for all Christian families to flee from public schools. So as long as you promise not to take it the wrong way, read on . . .

Ever since Christopher hit the terrible twos, I have been looking forward to kindergarten. I imagined I would not be one of those weepy moms on the first day of kindergarten–I would be the one giving high-fives on the way to my minivan, embracing the well-deserved time I would have during the school day. Over a year ago, I learned about an educational option in our area that threatened that dream . . . a classical Christian academy that operates on the university model, which means the students attend school two days a week and do school at home the other three days. When I first heard about it, I thought, “no way–I am NOT a homeschooling mom!” After talking with other moms and hearing more about it, even before we moved here, I reluctantly prayed (just once) that God would change my heart if this was what He wanted us to do.

As the months passed, I was horrified to see that God did change my heart. I’ve always loved the classical education concept but continued to struggle with the two-day-a-week issue. But I started to see the many advantages of having my kids home those additional days–leisurely mornings, bonding time with their siblings, time for family worship, Scripture memory and the other things we want to teach them, etc. God even brought another family into our lives–now they are our close friends–who live in our neighborhood and are planning to send their children there as well (hooray for carpooling!). But in my flesh, I was not willing to commit.

Last Tuesday, after another “snow” (meaning there’s a little bit on the grass and the roads are a little slick) day at home and a frustrating attempt to teach Christopher handwriting, I sat Noel down for a little chat. Actually, it was more like a tirade. I told him that I needed those 5 days to myself. I’m just not cut out for homeschooling. I don’t know if it is a personality difference or if those moms who can do it are just more godly than me, but I’m in the Word and praying every day and just don’t know what else I can do! Basically, I told him that I knew it is what’s best for our kids, but I didn’t know if I could do it.

Then I went to BSF on Wednesday. (You see where this is going, right?) We were studying Matthew 19, talking about marriage, little children, and the rich young ruler. I settled in for a lecture that would make me feel really good about being married for 9 years and being certain I’ll never be divorced. The first words out of the teaching leader’s mouth were, “God will not tolerate selfishness. He will call you to give up yourself . . .” I’m sure there was more to that sentence, but I can’t remember. That was all it took for me to realize that God intended that message for me and for our school decision. Because I have known for months now what God wants me to do. I just didn’t want to give up something that has become an idol in my life: my time alone to do what I want to do. God is calling me to give that up for a season of my life to help educate my kids.

The rest of the lecture consisted of God making sure I hadn’t missed His message. Our teaching leader talked about bringing children to Christ, and how God will probably ask you to give something up in order to bring children to Him. She talked about the rich young ruler who was following all the rules, but in order to truly follow Christ, he had to give up that which was the most important to him. He wasn’t willing to do it, and he went away sad (and most importantly, without a relationship with Christ which leads to eternal life). I saw how much I am like the rich young ruler–I live a moral, religious life, but I want to hold on to certain aspects of my life and my selfish desires. Then after the lecture, I heard two moms of school-age children talking about how there’s just not time in their day for their family to worship or read the Bible together. By the time it was over, I wanted to shout, “Okay, Lord! I get it!”

So I have decided to obey. I have decided to trust God to provide what I need to follow this call and will ask for continued wisdom to make sure it is the right decision. It still hurts a little to sacrifice some things I want and to do something that most of society will find strange, but there is relief, peace and freedom in obedience.

As I continue to contemplate what happened last week, it occurred to me that I cannot think of another instance where I made a conscious decision to obey God in spite of my own selfish desires–just for the sake of obedience, not out of fear of disappointing others or some other consequence. I’m a little scared that for the past 31 years, I’ve been ignoring what He wants me to do and doing whatever I want to do. I’m enough of a rule-follower that my external behavior looks obedient, but I want to make sure I’m being obedient in the gray areas, the tough decisions, the more private heart matters. I encourage you to examine your heart for areas of disobedience. Ask God to show you areas in your life where you are following your own selfish desires . . . but make sure you’re ready, because if you ask Him, He’ll do it!

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What type of dirt am I?

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Last week at BSF, we were studying Matthew 13, and I found the parable of the sower and Jesus’ explanation of it to be especially thought-provoking (see Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23). I found personal application in thinking through the condition of the soil of my heart, but also application for parenting as I consider my role in cultivating the soil of my children’s hearts. In the parable, Jesus describes four types of soil: hard soil along the path that is snatched up by the birds, rocky soil where the plants spring up but have no depth to withstand heat, thorny soil where the seed is choked by thorns, and fertile soil where the seed produces grain in varying amounts.

My lecture notes provided by BSF provided a thorough explanation of each of these types of soil. Four types of “soil” are given the Word of God, but is only truly received by the good soil. For me personally, I am like the good soil only by the grace of God–He has redeemed me, bought me with the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ, and changed my heart so that I can receive His Word and produce fruit for Him. For a Christian, the application of this parable comes from verses 8 and 23–are we producing thirty-fold, sixty-fold, or a hundred-fold? Are we saved but lukewarm and complacent in our walk with Christ? Are we producing good works for Christ but still holding on to areas of disobedience? Or are we living in the Spirit, living in complete obedience and submission to Christ, yielding abundant fruit for His kingdom?

This was so convicting to me–I can’t just sit back and say, “hey, I’m saved, I’m good soil, so let’s move on to the next question.” Honestly, I would place myself in the sixty-fold category, and I’m only there because God has been teaching me so much through this study of Matthew and being in God’s Word regularly has taken away the complacency with which I usually struggle. But there are still areas of my life where I want to be in control. I’m not ready to give up everything in obedience to Christ, and that prevents me from being the most productive type of soil. I know what some of those areas of disobedience are, and I’m sure that there are others I’m not even aware of. I’m praying that God would give me the courage to become hundred-fold soil and point out areas of my life that I need to submit to His authority.

The other three types of soil–referring to those who do not yet know Christ as Lord and Savior–can be applied to my children. I believe that only God can change their hearts, making them like the fertile soil and able to receive His Word. But as a parent, God has called me to cultivate their hearts and prepare them to give their lives to Him. I think it is important for me to frequently evaluate my children’s hearts. Are they like the hard soil, where God’s Word is being snatched away by Satan or by their own hardness of heart? Are they like the rocky soil, making a confession of faith in Christ but without roots that can withstand difficult times? Are they thorny soil where God’s Word is being choked out by worries, distractions, and busyness?

I need to pray daily that my children would not be hard soil and that God would soften their hearts to His truth. I need to be wary of professions of faith in Christ that do not count the cost of discipleship and lack a depth of understanding that would withstand hardship. And I need to do what I can to protect them from the distractions of the world that would choke out the seeds of God’s truth that Noel and I are sowing in our home.

And, as always, I need to evaluate the example I’m setting for my kids. Do I demonstrate a desire to hear more of God’s Word and know Christ more intimately? Do I exhibit a faith that trusts that God is good, even when my consequences are difficult? Do I let worldly treasures and pleasures cause confusion and distraction for our family? Or are my priorities and decisions dictated by a single purpose: to obey God and produce fruit for His kingdom? I am so thankful that by God’s grace, He has changed my hard, shallow, distracted heart and made me fertile soil. I want to produce a hundred-fold crop out of gratitude to God for loving me, redeeming me, and calling me His daughter. I pray for evidence of changed hearts in my children and can’t wait to see how God will use their lives for His glory.

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Resolutions

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I can’t believe it has been over a month since my last post.  December was a crazy whirlwind!  Looking back on the Christmas season, I realized that I need to start doing things differently.  I tried to do too much, attempting to craft the perfect Christmas in the eyes of everyone around me.  By the time the day arrived, I was almost too exhausted to enjoy it, and honestly, getting a little sick of Christmas!  So before I made my new year’s resolutions, I made some resolutions for Christmas 2008:  splurge on gift bags rather than using wrapping paper (to make wrapping quicker), bake homemade bread rather than 4 different types of cookies and candy (I did way too much baking, and it took way too long), and delegate more responsibility to Noel (surely he can handle putting some gifts in gift bags with tissue on top!).  Then I plan to use the extra time to spend more time preparing my heart to celebrate Christ’s birth, and hopefully get around to lighting more than two of the five candles on our Advent wreath.

Once I was done reflecting on December, I’ve been thinking through some new year’s resolutions.  I’ve been opposed to resolutions in the past, feeling that it was dumb to set a bunch of goals about exercise and other disciplines that I would surely forget by Valentine’s Day (or perhaps even Martin Luther King, Jr. Day).  But this year, I feel like there are several areas in which I’d like to improve.  I hope that by writing them down in my BSF notebook and looking at them regularly, I’ll keep them fresh in my mind, and by God’s grace, make some progress.

I thought about three areas:  personal goals, marriage goals, and parenting goals.  Then I thought about things that I’d like to stop doing, continue doing, and start doing.  (A concept introduced by my friend Ashley this summer in our parenting discussion group–thanks, Ashley!)  For example, some of my parenting goals are to stop losing my temper, continue having story time daily, and start doing more focused activities such as drawing, play-doh, and puzzles (activities that require Mommy sitting down with them rather than serving as referee while doing housework or email).

One primary goal I have is to change the fact that I spend a lot of time with my kids, in the sense that we are in the same house, but not enough time with my kids, in the sense that my attention is focused solely on them.  It has helped to start sitting down each day with a stack of books to read together, because I get less bored reading books than I do playing with the Little People fire truck.  But I’d like to get better at playing with the fire truck.

Another goal that is central to all the others is an improved prayer life.  I often rely on a quick morning prayer (“Lord, please help me get through this day”) or manage to pray for others outside our home but neglect the three people I should be praying for the most–Noel and the boys.  I’m confident that if I were more disciplined about praying for them, it would transform my marriage and my parenting.  On days that I pray for Noel, I notice that I’m much more interested in hearing about his day and aware of how exhausted he must be when he walks in the door rather than focusing on my own frustrations.  But these days are the exception rather than the rule, and I’d like to change that.

If you know me personally (I can’t imagine you’d get to the bottom of this post if you don’t), please feel free to ask me how I’m doing on these and my other resolutions.  I hope by putting them on my blog, I’ll be reminded of their importance and continue striving to glorify God as a wife and a mother in these ways–hopefully even until Memorial Day!

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The Mommy Action Figure

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Last night at BSF, our teaching leader was lecturing on Matthew 8. In that chapter, we see a man with leprosy, a Gentile military leader, and Peter’s mother-in-law all taking action that demonstrates their faith in Jesus. Our leader gave an illustration about a new line of religious action figures (including a talking Jesus doll) that will be sold at Wal-mart. (Click here for the news story.) She talked about the fact that if our lives have been changed by God, if we have been saved by grace through faith in Christ, our actions will prove that we have put our faith in Jesus as our Redeemer. In the second half of Matthew 8, we see that Jesus is the Ruler of the universe–over nature and demons–and that our faith in action should reflect this truth as well.

At the end of the lecture, she asked us, “If they made an action figure out of you, what would it look like? What would it say and do?” Would my action figure reflect my hope in Jesus as my Redeemer and the Ruler of the universe? Or would it reflect my desire to glorify myself and hang on tightly to my rule over my life (and the lives of as many other people as possible)??

The mental image that comes to mind when I think about an action figure of myself is not a pretty one. She would be dressed in sweats but never actually make it to the gym. She would be loud, speaking mostly in commands and exasperated rebukes. When you pulled the string in her back, you would hear, “Give that back to your brother! Stop whining! Do you need to go potty?? Go get in the car RIGHT NOW–we’re late!!!” She would run around a lot and run out of battery power frequently. And by the time the Daddy action figure got home from work, her head has exploded and you have to glue her ears back on so she can listen to how his day was. She would come with a SwifferVac (my new favorite toy!), laundry basket, and diaper bag sold separately.

I’m trying to be funny, but it was seriously a great question to get me thinking about how my actions reflect where I’m placing my hope. Is my hope in my stuff, my home, my financial security, my husband’s job, and how well my kids turn out in the eyes of the world? Am I busy about the work of all of those things? Or is my hope in Jesus alone as my Redeemer and the Ruler over all aspects of my life? Am I busy about the work that He gives me which has eternal value? Is my effort as a wife, mom and homemaker seeking to glorify myself by having nice things and a family that looks happy from the outside? Or am I seeking to glorify God alone by humbly serving my husband and children and preaching the Gospel to them with my words and actions? As always, these are some tough and very convicting questions.

And please, don’t buy my kids a talking Jesus doll for Christmas.

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