Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

God Will Supply Every Need {No Matter What Monday}

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phil 4-19

I’m wearing my Geek Badge proudly as I confess to you: I love packing my kids’ backpacks for the first day of school. The shiny folders. The unmarred notebooks. The textbooks just begging to be cracked open. And the spotless pencil box, filled with perfectly sharpened pencils, a clean glue stick, and every single one of the 24 crayons boxed in perfect order.

It doesn’t take long the backpack scene to descend into chaos, but on that first day, I am confident that my children have everything they need.

I love this new-pencil feeling because it feels good to have what you need. To have the confidence that no matter what you face, you are prepared.

If only I had this confidence every day. Instead, I look at my to-do list or my calendar, and I wonder, Do I have what it takes? Do I have what I need to get through this?

Maybe you’re wondering, too. What are you facing this week? What do you need? Strength? Hope? Courage? Peace? Wisdom? Someone to help you?

Philippians 4:19 promises we have what we need: “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

Our Heavenly Father gives us strength. He is the source of our hope. His eternal victory gives us courage. Because we have peace with Him, we can have peace with others and in tough circumstances. He promises wisdom when we ask for it. The Maker of Heaven and Earth is our helper. We can trust Him to give us everything we need.

There is no need you have that God cannot meet. He has all the supplies needed for your salvation and for every day of your life.

Whatever you face this week, you can have confidence that God will supply everything you need.

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Six Questions to Ask Before Posting on Social Media

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We’ve all done it.  The social media post we wish we could take back.  That post that was misunderstood or misinterpreted.  The one we didn’t expect to be taken the way it was.  The post that hurt someone else, whether intentional or not.  Or perhaps you are a reader, not a post-er, and you’ve been the one to be hurt by someone else’s words.

 

As my oldest child enters his tween years, I’ve started thinking about how we will teach him about social media.  It’s crucial that he understands that the internet is forever.  Like words that are spoken, you cannot take it back.  Except in this case, those regretful words or photos are spoken to many people.  Before a post can be deleted, it can be saved or forwarded by others, further extending the impact.

 

It doesn’t take long to realize the weightiness of this issue for our children.  And it doesn’t take much longer to realize that this weightiness should apply to my own habits on social media.

 

I want my words and actions online to honor the Lord.  And I believe that requires an intentional evaluation of our state of mind, motives, and purpose before posting something that can reach hundreds of people in a matter of minutes and cannot be taken back.  So I wrote out a list of questions to use before posting something on the internet.  I hope this list will cause me to slow down and prevent me from posting things that do not glorify the Lord and bring about good for His people.

 

This list is for me.  But since I hope I am not the only one trying to approach this crazy world of social media from a biblical and loving perspective, I thought I’d share it as food for thought.

 

1.  Are you upset, angry, exhausted or overwhelmed? 

If so, you are much more likely to post something you’ll regret.  Take your emotions to the Lord.  Talk to a friend.  Now is not the time to share your mind with hundreds of people who barely know you.

 

2.  Would you say this in front of a room full of people? 

The internet distances us from our audience.  We can’t see them.  We don’t even know who is there.  That distance brings a false sense of security and removes filters that would be in place if we were talking with them in person.  If you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying this out loud in front of an auditorium of 700 of your friends, family and those random people you vaguely remember from junior high, then you probably shouldn’t say it online.

 

3.  Are you trying to communicate something to a specific person(s)? 

This is a temptation, I know.  Speaking difficult things to people we know is uncomfortable, and it seems easier to communicate indirectly using social media.  But it is not a good idea.  Let’s communicate directly with the people in our lives.

 

4.  Does this post involve another person?

If so, do you have their permission?  If not, get that first.  And if the thought of asking them makes you squirm, you probably have no right to post this anyway.

 

5.  Have you examined your motives for posting? 

I realize that we can’t foresee all the ways our posts might impact someone else.  But do you know in your heart that your post is intended to make others jealous?  Does your post lump a group of people (say, those who disagree with you politically) into a single category and call them names?  Are your motives in agreement with Christ’s command to love others as you love yourself?  Or are you loving yourself only?

 

6.  Is your post true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy?  Will it benefit those who see it?

God’s Word gives us this checklist in Philippians 4:8 and Ephesians 4:32. As a follower of Christ, I want my thoughts, words and actions – including those that occur online – to demonstrate obedience to His commands.  He gives us these guidelines for our own good and for the good of those around us.  I can love God and love others by considering these things before I speak.

 

Please don’t unfriend me – I am not in a position to judge your posts!  I am guilty of posting things I shouldn’t, and I know I will be again in the future.  I rejoice that God’s grace is greater than all our sins!  But I hope that as brothers and sisters in Christ, or as friends who want the best for each other, we can encourage each other to use the internet for good and for God’s glory.

 

Now excuse me while I see what your toddlers are getting into today on Instagram.  Because I definitely enjoy seeing that mess all over your kitchen floor!

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40 Biblical Principles For Parenting

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Recently, I evaluated the books, advice, and paradigms which have influenced my parenting.  While I believe that parenting books and counsel from wise parents can be useful and good, I want to ensure that the primary impact on my parenting decisions comes from God’s Word.

 

I embarked on a search for resources that describe what the Bible says about parenting.  There are countless lists of verses to use when teaching your children to behave.  I already own and use many of these.  But I was looking for verses telling ME how to behave as a parent.  And this was surprisingly difficult.

 

I didn’t discover many resources that use Scripture to teach parents how to behave toward their children.  (However, one helpful publication I found was “A Checklist for Parents” by Pam Forster.)  Since no one else was going to make this easy for me, I decided to compile my own list.  Using Forster’s checklist and my own search of God’s Word, I wrote a list of biblical principles for my own parenting.  It turns out that the Bible has a lot to say to parents!  And so I thought I should share what I found, with the hope that other parents might be encouraged by it. 

 

Due to the large number of verses, I grouped them into four categories.  First, I have general biblical principles for parenting.  These are general principles regarding our role as parents.  Second, I have biblical principles for discipline.  These relate to how we discipline our children, since this is a topic addressed multiple times by Scripture.

 

Next, I listed principles for how we should relate to our children.  These principles apply to loving all our neighbors.  But they are important to consider, since following these biblical admonitions is often more difficult in our own home.

 

Finally, I listed principles for our personal spiritual growth.  As we grow in Christlikeness, our parenting will reflect that change.  Our children will benefit as we draw nearer to our Savior and deepen our understanding of God’s Word.

 

As you may have noticed, only a fraction of these verses speak directly to parents or the act of parenting.  As I studied, I started to realize that our cultural emphasis on parenting doesn’t seem to be reflected in Scripture.  We are preoccupied with parenting, because we are so afraid of getting it wrong.  I’m not saying that parenting isn’t important.  However, I think our cultural obsession with being a good parent might not be biblically accurate.  If we were primarily focused on growing in obedience to Christ and dependence on Him, I believe wise parenting would naturally flow from our submission to God and His Word.

 

This list is far from complete.  I’m certain that I could study God’s Word for years and still have more to learn about motherhood.  But there’s enough on this list to keep me busy long after my kids have grown up and started families of their own.  It’s a good place to start.

 

What biblical principles for parenting would you add to this list?  Leave me a comment with your ideas!

 

Click here for a downloadable PDF.

 

40 BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTING

 

1. General biblical principles for parenting: 

  • Pray for your children (specifically, for them to follow God’s commands)

(I Samuel 12:23, I Chronicles 29:19)

  • Give praise generously 

(Proverbs 3:27)

  • Pass on wisdom 

(Proverbs 4:11, Proverbs 31:26)

  • Teach your children to find their refuge in the Lord 

(Proverbs 14:26)

  • Tell your children of God’s wonderful deeds and His faithfulness 

(Psalm 78:4, Psalm 145:4, Isaiah 38:19)

  • Rightly handle the word of truth 

(II Timothy 2:15)

  • Teach them the Gospel and prepare them to recognize false doctrine

(Romans 1:16, Galatians 1:8-9)

 

2.  Biblical principles for discipline:  

  • Be diligent in discipline in order to drive out foolishness 

(Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:15, Proverbs 29:15)

  • Teach your children God’s commands 

(Deuteronomy 6:6-7, I Samuel 12:23, Psalm 103:18-19)

  • Reprove, rebuke and exhort with patience and teaching 

(Proverbs 3:12, II Timothy 4:2)

  • Set an example for your children and do not lead them into sin 

(Proverbs 20:7, Matthew 18:6, I Peter 5:2-3)

  • Restore them gently when they sin 

(Galatians 6:1-2)

  • Exhort and encourage them to walk in a manner worthy of God by loving  others and doing good works

(I Thessalonians 2:11-12, Hebrews 10:24)

 

3.  Biblical principles for relating to your children: 

  • Have compassion on your children and remember their weakness 

(Psalm 103:13-14)

  • Do not bear a grudge against them 

(Leviticus 19:18)

  • Love them with love that is patient and kind, not boastful or envious or rude, not irritable or insisting on your own way, bearing all things and rejoicing in the truth 

(I Corinthians 13:4-7)

  • Display the fruits of the Spirit toward your children (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness and self-control)

(Galatians 5:22-23)

  • Walk in a manner worthy of your calling by showing humility, gentleness, patience, and bearing with them in love 

(Ephesians 4:1-3)

  • Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouth 

(Ephesians 4:29)

  • Encourage them and give grace with your words 

(Ephesians 4:29)

  • Be reasonable and joyful 

(Philippians 4:4-5)

  • Be compassionate, kind, humble, meek, and patient 

(Colossians 3:12)

  • Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you 

(Colossians 3:13)

  • Lay down your life for them 

(I John 3:16)

  • Love in deed and truth and not just words 

(I John 3:18)

  • Love them as God has loved you 

(I John 4:11)

 

4.  Biblical principles for our own spiritual growth as parents: 

  • Seek God’s kingdom first 

(Matthew 6:33)

  • Love God and others 

(Matthew 22:38-39, Romans 13:9)

  • Walk with integrity 

(Proverbs 20:7)

  • Choose your advisors carefully and remain grounded in God’s Word

(Psalm 1:1-2)

  • Provide for your children and your household 

(II Corinthians 12:14, I Timothy 5:8)

  • Remember you will sow what you reap 

(Galatians 6:7)

  • Wives, submit to your husbands  

(Ephesians 5:22)

  • Fathers, do not provoke your children 

(Ephesians 6:4)

  • Do not be anxious about anything 

(Philippians 4:6-7)

  • Pray about everything 

(Philippians 4:6-7)

  • Think on what is true and right 

(Philippians 4:8)

  • Be thankful 

(I Thessalonians 5:18)

  • Draw near to the throne of grace to find mercy and grace to help in time of need 

(Hebrews 4:16)

  • Ask God for wisdom 

(James 1:5)

 

List of Scripture references*:  Leviticus 19:18; Deuteronomy 6:6-7; I Samuel 12:23; I Chronicles 29:19; Psalm 1:1-2, 78:4, 103:13-14, 103:17-18, 145:4; Proverbs 3:12, 3:27, 4:11, 13:24, 14:26, 20:7, 22:15, 29:15, 31:26; Isaiah 38:19; Matthew 6:33, 18:6, 22:38-39; Romans 1:16, 13:9; I Corinthians 13:4-7; II Corinthians 12:14; Galatians 1:8-9, 5:22-23, 6:1, 6:7; Ephesians 4:1-3, 4:29, 5:22, 6:4; Philippians 4:4-8; Colossians 3:12-13; I Thessalonians 2:11-12; I Thessalonians 5:18; I Timothy 5:8; II Timothy 2:15, 4:2; Hebrews 4:16, 10:24; James 1:5; I Peter 5:2-3; I John 3:16; I John 3:18; I John 4:11

*The above Scripture references can be copied and pasted into the search box on www.esvbible.org to read the entire list of verses.

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Why I Stopped Handing Out Parenting Books

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When my oldest child was a toddler, I read a couple of parenting books and decided I had this parenting thing figured out.  I loved the book Don’t Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman and recommended it to everyone I knew.  I was wholeheartedly on board with the idea of teaching my kids to obey me, just as they need to obey God someday.  If any of my friends encountered parenting struggles, rather than listening and praying with them, I told them to read the book.  (Seriously.  How do I still have friends??!!)

As my kids grew older, parenting got more complicated.  It became less black and white (“don’t run into the street!”) and a little more confusing (“are you supposed to punish them for being irresponsible?”).  And I was introduced to a couple of newer parenting books that talked less about first-time obedience and more about giving your children grace.

These books seemed just as biblically-based as the earlier books I had read and left me confused.  Was I supposed to demand obedience or give grace?  Or both?  And how?

I saw an article posted on social media lately that talked about not giving your kids a warning before expecting them to obey.  There was a lot of backlash in the comments, and people were clearly in two camps:  either agreeing with the article that parents should demand immediate obedience or disagreeing and saying parents need to discipline with grace.

This brought to my mind the division I see among Christian parents today.  There’s the group I will loosely term the “obedience camp” and the group I will call the “grace camp.”  These are probably unfair generalizations–I know that those in the obedience camp often give grace and preach the Gospel to their children.  And those in the grace camp set boundaries and require obedience.  But many parents and authors I know tend to fall more on one side or another.  And we silently (or sometimes not-so-silently) judge those on the other side for being too strict or too lenient.

So I wonder, which camp should I fall in?  I feel a lot of pressure from both sides.  One side has a curriculum called Growing Kids God’s Way.  Of course I want to grow my kids God’s way!  Another book I’ve read is Grace-Based Parenting.  There’s nothing more important that grace, right?  How do I choose between parenting God’s way and basing it on grace?  It’s enough to keep a mom awake at night, and trust me, that’s really saying something!

But what if the obedience camp and the grace camp are both biblically correct?  What if they are both God’s way of showing His grace to our children?

What if God, in His wisdom and sovereignty, gives parents different personalities and preferences and strengths and weaknesses that match the needs of their children? 

What if God loves our children so much that He gave them the parents they would need to grow into what He wants them to be?

What if, rather than following a formula or a book or a list of ten parenting application points, we search the Scriptures to see what God says about how to relate to our children and others?

What if not having all the answers causes us to fall on our knees every morning and beg the Lord for the wisdom to deal with whatever we will face that day as parents?  

I bet that would lead to some grace-based, obedience-demanding, radical Christian parenting.

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