trust Archives - Page 12 of 13

Scans

November 28, 2011 by Marissa 1 Comment

There are many difficult aspects of life in Cancer World, even when you live there as someone who is blessed to be currently cancer-free. For me, the quarterly check-ups are one of the most difficult parts. When you’ve had cancer, especially one as aggressive as angiosarcoma, you know your cancer-free status can be snatched away at any time. A lump, a symptom . . . the possibility is always lurking, but never as ominously as when you go for those scans. I will make trips to Houston every three months for a CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis to check for a recurrence. My scans are coming up soon. And I’ll be honest, it is a struggle to keep the anxiety from taking over.

It feels like I’m standing on a beach. The sand beneath my feet is my cancer-free life–being a normal mom who gets to drive her kids to school, go to Wal-mart, show up for stuff even when someone with a cold might be there, and take care of her family. I can hear the waves of recurrence threatening to wipe my cancer-free life away, but it’s dark. I have no idea whether I’m inches from those waves or whether they are way off in the distance. I have no idea when the tide will roll in. Will it come with this scan? Or the next? Or not for 20 years? The darkness is what makes it so difficult. If I could just see those waves, maybe I could get myself ready . . .

But then I realize that I’m not standing only on sand. Beneath that sand is the Rock, and it cannot be washed away even by the most ferocious waves. That Rock is Jesus Christ. Hebrews 2:8 reminds us that everything is under His control. And I John 3:16 reminds us that He loves me so much that He died for me. That is one powerful, comforting combination.

This is the remedy for the anxiety that threatens to overwhelm me at times . . . God’s character and His promises to me. He doesn’t promise that the waves won’t come. But He promises to meet every one of my needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

I’m so thankful for that Rock.

If you would like to pray for me, please pray that the perfect peace of God would guard my heart and my mind and that my mind would be steadfast on Christ. You can pray for comfort for me as I go through the CT scan and await the results, for wisdom for my doctors, and that my life would bring glory to Jesus Christ, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Here Am I!

August 22, 2010 by Marissa 2 Comments

Last night I was talking with another mom about how overwhelmed we both feel. She said, “Do you feel like you need to not make any other commitments and just focus all your attention on your family?” And I had to laugh. Because God recently asked me to make a commitment to serve Him in a large, time-consuming way. When I was first approached about this service, I had every intention of saying no. But I prayed about it, and God went to work on me.

As I prayed, I heard God speaking in a way that I rarely do. (Maybe I should ask Him what He thinks more often.) I didn’t really like what I heard: “When are you going to serve Me sacrificially?” I’ll be honest. I don’t mind little bits of service here and there. Volunteering in the nursery, taking a meal to someone, that kind of thing. But something major? Oh, I can’t do that. You see, I homeschool my (brilliant, self-teaching) son three days a week. I have a baby. (She’s 15 months old. How long do I get to keep calling her a baby?) My husband works weird hours. So surely God wouldn’t ask me to take on something big outside my home.

But He did. And over the next couple of days, I decided to take a giant leap of faith. I have no idea how this commitment will fit into my schedule. I can’t map it out on a nice little spreadsheet, like I’m fond of doing. And I think that’s a good thing. Because if I could map it out, I could think it was all about me. Look at me! I’m SuperMom and SuperChristian–look what I can do!

I have no idea how this is going to work, but I know that God is asking me to do it. So the glory will be all His. I can already see growth happening because my eyes have been taken off myself as I’m looking to Him to see what He’s going to do. I am confident that this service will reap spiritual benefits for me which will overflow to my entire family, and that is exciting.

Are you serving sacrificially? It will look different for everyone. I didn’t go looking for this, but I should have been. So I challenge you to stop making excuses and ask God to show you how He wants you to serve, no matter your season of life. You might be surprised what happens!

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” Isaiah 6:8

I Don’t Wanna.

May 10, 2010 by Marissa 1 Comment

I’ve been reading Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions, a collection of Puritan prayers compiled by Arthur Bennett. I highly recommend it. They are short (perfect for a quick morning reading before the kids are up), and they have been very encouraging and challenging to me in my personal prayer life. One of the prayers that I read weeks ago is still lingering with me. It is a prayer that I want to pray sincerely for myself, but it’s a tough one:

“I am well pleased with thy will, whatever it is, or should be in all respects,

And if thou bidst me decide for myself in any affair, I would choose to refer all to thee,

for thou art infinitely wise and cannot do amiss, as I am in danger of doing.

I rejoice to think that all things are at thy disposal, and it delights me to leave them there.

Then prayer turns wholly into praise, and all I can do is to adore and bless thee.”

–Valley of Vision, p. 4

I’ll be honest. When I read this, I thought for a moment how wonderful it would be if God let me decide how things were going to go. Never in a million years would I “choose to refer all to thee.” I’d be in charge, and it would be awesome. And rejoicing that all things are at His disposal? Delighting to leave them there? I’m too busy trying to yank things out of God’s hands so I can manage the situation and manipulate things according to my desires.

After typing the above paragraph, I did some strategic formatting. As you can see, it’s all about me. My wisdom (ha!) and my wants. The way I think things should go. One problem (among many) with this way of thinking is that my desires (happiness and comfort) are rarely in line with God’s desire for me (to make me more like Christ).

I want to desire what God desires for me. I want to be more like Christ. I want to glorify God with my life and point others to Him and His grace. I want to so fully trust His goodness and faithfulness to me that even if he bidst me decide for myself, I would choose to refer all to the all-wise, all-loving, sovereign Creator. But I’ve got some growing to do in this area. So I guess it’s good that God’s in control, whether I like it or not. 🙂

Unthankfulness

July 1, 2009 by Marissa 5 Comments

Do you know how many times my children have opened their dresser drawers and exclaimed, “Clean clothes! Washed, dried, folded and put in my drawer! Way to go, Mom! Thank you!”

Zero. Usually, all I hear is, “When are you going to wash my Transformer pj’s?” Sound familiar?

When I read Jerry Bridge’s chapter on Unthankfulness (see previous post on his book Respectable Sins), I realized that I must look the same way to God as my kids do to me. God has done so much for me and continues to sustain me every day, and I seldom stop to thank Him. God has rescued me from guilt, sin and death by delivering me from the domain of darkness and transferring me to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom I have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Colossians 1:13-14). He has blessed me in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3). In addition to spiritual blessings, He has given me every ability or skill I have, a loving husband, three healthy children, friends, a home, possessions, food . . . everything I have comes from Him.

How often do I thank God for my mini-van? For the ability to go to the store when we run low on food? For the privelege of gathering with other Christians openly every Sunday to hear the Word of God preached? It is not often that I exhibit a sincere attitude of thankfulness.

I read an article on happiness recently in Good Housekeeping magazine. It said that when we buy something we want, we have a high level of satisfaction, but only for a very short time. We quickly become used to having that item around and take it for granted, and our sights turn to the next item we want. This is so true in my life. I remember last year, when I desperately wanted to replace the ceiling fan over our dining room table with a beautiful chandelier. Finally, I got my chandelier, and I loved it. For about a week, I looked at it all the time and felt happy and thankful. Now, how often do you think I still notice my beautiful chandelier? Pretty much never. Rather than being thankful for what I have, I turn my attention to that sofa I’d like to replace.

Jerry Bridges reminded me in this chapter that my unthankfulness is a sin. Sound harsh? It’s true. In Ephesians 5:20, we see the command to give “thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Bridges writes, “Failure to give Him the thanks due to Him is sin. It might seem like a benign sin to us because it doesn’t harm anyone else. But it is an affront and insult to the One who created us and sustains us every second of our lives.”

Bridges also writes about giving thanks in ALL circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). This is a personal challenge for me right now, as someone I love very much is facing a battle with cancer. I found comfort in Bridges’ discussion of this topic, encouraging us that giving thanks in difficult circumstances can only be done by faith in the promises of God. We can only obey I Thessalonians 5:18 because we know Romans 8:28 is true: For we know for those who love God all things work together for good. In the midst of heartache, we can thank God for the good we know He can accomplish through any circumstance.

« Previous Page