Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

Broken Cisterns

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Have you ever noticed a period of time when every Bible study, every sermon, every life experience seems to revolve around the same theme?  It’s as if God tosses subtlety aside and very clearly says, “I want you to learn this!”  This has been happening to me lately.  And the message I’m getting loud and clear is:  Only God can satisfy me and provide the joy and peace that I need.  When I put my trust in other things, they will fail.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a very bad week.  I was sick, the kids were sick, we had a death in the family, and much, much more that I won’t go into now.  Trust me, it was a bad week.  The week was supposed to end with an overnight getaway for my hubby and me for my birthday.  We hadn’t been away overnight in a really long time, which means I hadn’t slept past 7:30 a.m. in a very long time.  So for about two months, I had my eye on October 25 as Sleeping In Day.  (Have I mentioned that I love, love, love sleeping in?)

Well, thanks to a 3-year-old with a high fever, we managed to get away for a few hours but decided to come home before the overnight (and sleeping in) part of the trip.  Rather than sleeping in and enjoying a day of outlet shopping with my hubby, I spent the day sitting at a doc-in-the-box clinic with a kid who had a fever of 104.  Good times .

In the midst of my bad day at the end of a bad week, I sat down to do my BSF lesson.  The lesson was on Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:1-26).  In John 4:13-14, Jesus tells her:  “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” Then I read Jeremiah 2:13:  “For my people have committed two evils:  they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.”

So the obvious lesson here is:  Marissa is hewing out broken cisterns of sleep that can hold no water.  If Marissa were satisfied in Christ, drinking in His living water, she wouldn’t be devastated by not getting to sleep in.  And you want to know how well I learned this lesson?  So well that 5 days later, when the same child started running a fever a few hours before Getaway Attempt #2, I threw a very impressive adult temper tantrum about it.  (We went anyway, but the sleeping in eluded me as I worried about my sick kid and the poor grandparents who were stuck taking care of him.)

The whole experience (and my awful reaction to it) has me thinking about broken cisterns in my life.  Those things–some good (sleep), some bad (complaining)–that I turn to for comfort when I’m stressed, worried, tired or sad.  Those things seem to make it better for awhile, but then after a few days (or hours, or minutes), I’m right back where I was before.

Here are some questions I’ve been asked by Bible study leaders and pastors in recent month–remember, God has to make a big deal of something these days to get me to notice it:

Do the people around you see that you are completely satisfied in Christ?  If not, then why? (Please, please do not ask Noel or my good friends this question.  Maybe you could ask someone who sees me about once a month with a happy smile on my face and well-behaved children?)

Where do you turn when things get difficult? Food, tv, complaining, gossip, shopping, time to yourself? (Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. and double Yes.)

Where are you placing your trust other than the Lord? (Sleep, money, and myself, just to name a few.)

When I put the answers to these last two questions together, my behavior really shows itself to be ridiculously silly, not to mention sinful.  When things get tough, I want to grab a piece of chocolate cake and take my mind off things with some brainless television.  So basically, I’m saying to the Sovereign, All-knowing, All-powerful Creator of the universe, “Thanks, God, but I think I’ll let this cake and this tv show solve my problem.”  And then I wonder why I struggle with the same thing again the next day.  Because it should be obvious . . . God is bigger than my problems.  Chocolate cake is not. Only God can make me more and more holy, conforming me to the image of Christ so that I can love others and glorify Him.

How I’d love to leave those broken cisterns behind and drink only of the living water, finding my deepest satisfaction in my Savior.  I know it will be a continuing struggle for me, but I’m thankful that God has knocked me over the head with this lesson.  🙂

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What type of dirt am I?

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Last week at BSF, we were studying Matthew 13, and I found the parable of the sower and Jesus’ explanation of it to be especially thought-provoking (see Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23). I found personal application in thinking through the condition of the soil of my heart, but also application for parenting as I consider my role in cultivating the soil of my children’s hearts. In the parable, Jesus describes four types of soil: hard soil along the path that is snatched up by the birds, rocky soil where the plants spring up but have no depth to withstand heat, thorny soil where the seed is choked by thorns, and fertile soil where the seed produces grain in varying amounts.

My lecture notes provided by BSF provided a thorough explanation of each of these types of soil. Four types of “soil” are given the Word of God, but is only truly received by the good soil. For me personally, I am like the good soil only by the grace of God–He has redeemed me, bought me with the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ, and changed my heart so that I can receive His Word and produce fruit for Him. For a Christian, the application of this parable comes from verses 8 and 23–are we producing thirty-fold, sixty-fold, or a hundred-fold? Are we saved but lukewarm and complacent in our walk with Christ? Are we producing good works for Christ but still holding on to areas of disobedience? Or are we living in the Spirit, living in complete obedience and submission to Christ, yielding abundant fruit for His kingdom?

This was so convicting to me–I can’t just sit back and say, “hey, I’m saved, I’m good soil, so let’s move on to the next question.” Honestly, I would place myself in the sixty-fold category, and I’m only there because God has been teaching me so much through this study of Matthew and being in God’s Word regularly has taken away the complacency with which I usually struggle. But there are still areas of my life where I want to be in control. I’m not ready to give up everything in obedience to Christ, and that prevents me from being the most productive type of soil. I know what some of those areas of disobedience are, and I’m sure that there are others I’m not even aware of. I’m praying that God would give me the courage to become hundred-fold soil and point out areas of my life that I need to submit to His authority.

The other three types of soil–referring to those who do not yet know Christ as Lord and Savior–can be applied to my children. I believe that only God can change their hearts, making them like the fertile soil and able to receive His Word. But as a parent, God has called me to cultivate their hearts and prepare them to give their lives to Him. I think it is important for me to frequently evaluate my children’s hearts. Are they like the hard soil, where God’s Word is being snatched away by Satan or by their own hardness of heart? Are they like the rocky soil, making a confession of faith in Christ but without roots that can withstand difficult times? Are they thorny soil where God’s Word is being choked out by worries, distractions, and busyness?

I need to pray daily that my children would not be hard soil and that God would soften their hearts to His truth. I need to be wary of professions of faith in Christ that do not count the cost of discipleship and lack a depth of understanding that would withstand hardship. And I need to do what I can to protect them from the distractions of the world that would choke out the seeds of God’s truth that Noel and I are sowing in our home.

And, as always, I need to evaluate the example I’m setting for my kids. Do I demonstrate a desire to hear more of God’s Word and know Christ more intimately? Do I exhibit a faith that trusts that God is good, even when my consequences are difficult? Do I let worldly treasures and pleasures cause confusion and distraction for our family? Or are my priorities and decisions dictated by a single purpose: to obey God and produce fruit for His kingdom? I am so thankful that by God’s grace, He has changed my hard, shallow, distracted heart and made me fertile soil. I want to produce a hundred-fold crop out of gratitude to God for loving me, redeeming me, and calling me His daughter. I pray for evidence of changed hearts in my children and can’t wait to see how God will use their lives for His glory.

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Dealing with life’s craziness

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I recently started attending Bible Study Fellowship, and our teaching leader is so wonderful that I’m sure I’ll be sharing many tidbits from her lectures. Last week, she said that all of us have craziness in our lives–I’m sure at this very moment, at least ten things have come to mind that you are dealing with in your own life. That’s what I started thinking about when she said it, going down the familiar path of self-pity, discouragement and mental exhaustion from worry. But the next thing she said grabbed my attention: “We can choose to deal with life’s craziness biblically or non-biblically.” Such a simple idea, and so obvious, and yet it has completely changed the way that I look at things. There are only two options, two black-and-white categories in which I can place the way I react to my kids, my husband, difficult circumstances and mundane responsibilities. One question to ask: Am I responding biblically or non-biblically?

So I sat down and thought about the three primary areas of my life that cause my emotional and spiritual struggles and then outlined my non-biblical responses and what some biblical responses would be. The first task was easy–I struggle with impatience with my kids, frustration with my husband, and feeling a lack of significance as a stay-at-home mom.

Kids: I tend to respond non-biblically by avoidance (“Just go play in your rooms for awhile, please!”) or in anger. Biblical responses would include responding in love (I Corinthians 13), displaying the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), being thankful for the time I have with them, and covering all of my parenting with a heavy dose of prayer (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Husband: I usually respond non-biblically because I am focused on myself and my needs. I am only seeing things from my perspective (I am tired and had a long day, and he better swoop in with a smile and unending energy and rescue me), and I end up being demanding and angry as a result. Instead, I should remember that I am called to love him sacrificially, just as God has loved me (Ephesians 5:1-2). I need to remember the stress he’s under and do what I can to support and encourage him (I Thessalonians 5:11). I need to view marriage as a tool for God to teach me and for God’s glory, not as a way to get my needs met. (More on that later from a great book I’m reading, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.)

Burnout: I struggle as a stay-at-home mom because I am focused on my need to feel good about myself, and I am desperate for a way to earn the praise of others. (Doing laundry and raising kids isn’t working out too well in that regard.) I want my life to be easy, fun and comfortable, or at least be significant in the eyes of the world. A biblical response would be to understand that I’m working for God’s glory and His eternal purposes by investing my time in my husband and children (Colossians 3:23-24). I must remember that God is faithful to sustain me through the work He has called me to do (2 Corinthians 12:9). I must resist laziness and ask God to show me how He wants me to spend free time–it probably isn’t those continuous Law and Order reruns I’m so addicted to on cable (Proverbs 31–especially verses 15 and 27).

I wonder what it would look like to put all my thoughts and actions through a biblical/non-biblical filter. My response to my kid’s tantrum–biblical or non-biblical? My judgment of someone I encounter during the day that annoys me–biblical or non-biblical? My shopping habits–biblical or non-biblical? (Ouch.) My response when my husband wants his back scratched at 10:00 pm–biblical or non-biblical? If I could permanently attach this filter to my brain, my husband would probably have more money and more frequent back-scratching. 🙂

One side-note: Thank you to Rachel for the comment on the post below. I really appreciated the use of the word “temptation” to describe your struggle with discouragement. I so often forget that when I am feeling discouraged because I am believing lies rather than the truth, it is sin. I’m not supposed to tolerate it or continue in it, but rather identify it as sin, confess it, and turn from the temptation to give in to those sinful emotions.

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