I find myself living on a runaway train these days. I was on this runaway train right after Sarah Kate was born have jumped back on since school started. Everything is a blur of diapers, meals, kissing boo-boos, settling toy disputes, carpool, overseeing various educational pursuits, paying the electric bill and sweeping the kitchen floor, and any coherent thought I have beyond what to make for dinner is so fleeting I’m not even sure it was there. The runaway train isn’t bad–it is exactly what God has called me to in this season, but it doesn’t necessarily lead to much tangible productivity. If this train should happen to make a stop at the Blogging Station, you’ll be the first to know.
ShareA New Life Verse
I think I have found my “Life Verse.” I’ve never had a life verse before, but I know people who do. The verses are usually very inspirational, something along the lines of reaching the nations or future generations for God. Good stuff, really. My favorite verse thus far is Romans 8:1, but it didn’t seem to fall into the Life Verse category.
But a couple of weeks ago when I was doing my Bible study (Behold Your God
2 Chronicles 20:12: We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on you.
Some context for those of you who don’t have 2 Chronicles memorized: King Jehoshaphat and the Israelites are watching multiple nations of enemies coming against them in battle. They know there is no way they can defeat this multitude. Jehoshaphat calls the people together, and they cry out to the Lord, asking what they should do. It specifically mentions that they are all standing before the Lord, along with their wives and children. Can you imagine this picture? Standing there, clutching your children to you, watching the enemy come, knowing you are powerless against them and crying out to the Lord for help. (To see how it ends, see 2 Chronicles 20.)
This has definitely become my Summer Verse, if not my Life Verse. For one thing, this verse is very easy to memorize. It rhymes and has lots of 2’s in the reference. And if there is one theme in my life right now, it is that I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to encourage my 5-year-old to not become a prideful Pharisee who craves approval and does all the right things only when someone is watching. (It takes one to know one, and that kid is just like me.) I don’t know how to encourage my 3-year-old to put his poop in the potty rather than in his pants. And I certainly don’t know how to encourage my sister-in-law as she battles the most formidable enemy we’ve faced in a long time: breast cancer.
I don’t know what to do, but my eyes are on the One who is my refuge and strength, an very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). He promises His perfect wisdom is ours for the asking. (James 1:5). He hems me in, behind and before, and lays His hand upon me (Psalm 139:5). When my eyes are on Him, I can choose to be overwhelmed by His love and goodness toward me, rather than being overwhelmed by my circumstances. (With thanks to my summer Bible study leader for this last thought.)
I don’t know what to do, but my eyes are on You.
ShareA Mother of Three
Wow, it has been a really long time since I’ve posted to this blog! If anyone out there is still reading, thanks for sticking with me. For any of you who don’t know me personally, I’m happy to announce that my daughter, Sarah Kate, was born on April 27. She is healthy, a great sleeper, and very snuggly and sweet. She has already captured the hearts of her two older brothers. (Although her arrival may or may not have anything to do with Will deciding he is no longer going to use the potty.)
I have to admit, I was very anxious about Sarah Kate’s first few weeks. I struggled a lot after my last baby (Will) was born–I was a mess emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. I was hopeful that things would be different this time around, mostly because when my boys were born, I was not consistently in God’s Word. Thankfully, by God’s grace, I have a more sure foundation this time around.
Now, one month into this grand adventure of life with three kids, I can see God’s faithfulness to our family in so many ways. Sarah Kate’s first week was rough from a sleeping perspective . . . she was happy to sleep during the day but not at all interested in sleeping at night. My husband had taken that first week off, so he was a huge help to me in the middle of the night. I was terrified to think what would happen when he went back to work and couldn’t be up all night, every night with Sarah Kate and me. But the night before he went back to work, Sarah Kate figured out that nighttime is for sleeping. And our nights have been very manageable ever since! God knows what we can handle, and He won’t give us a smidge more than that.
Not to keep harping on sleep (but we all know it is one of the only things a mother of a newborn can think about), but since that first week, Sarah Kate has been a great sleeper. And our few difficult nights have usually been followed by a day when someone else is helping me with the boys and I am able to rest. I have seen God’s hand providing for my need for sleep over and over again.
I’ve found that the most difficult thing for me right now is juggling the needs of the three kids during the day. My temper is short and patience is lacking. There have been some really ugly days. I alternate between moments of overwhelming gratitude and seeing God’s faithfulness, and moments (okay, sometimes hours) of discontentment and longing for life to feel normal. I’ve been praying for wisdom, self-control and patience this week, and God has been providing. I know this will continue to be a struggle for me. I am constantly being called to die to myself and my selfish desires and lay down my life for my kids. It hurts sometimes, but God provides the strength to do it, and He is glorified by our obedience!
ShareBeing a little girl’s mom
After a few years of experience as a boy mom, they tell me this one’s gonna be a girl. As excited as I am about buying pink, I’m a little nervous about this. (And not only because I spent most of my adolescence yelling hurtful things at my own mother.) The other day when I was praying for my kids and their marriages and future spouses, I was reminded again of the weight of responsibility that comes with raising a girl. When raising my boys to be godly husbands and fathers, I can point to their father and say, “Look at how hard he works to support his family. Look at how he helps me when he gets home and cares about spending time with you.” Thankfully, my boys have a wonderful example to follow.
But this little girl will learn the most about being a wife and mom from MY day-to-day example. What will she see? Will she see laziness and selfishness, or diligence and service? Will she see respect or resentment toward my husband? Submission or manipulation? Patience in disciplining my children, or a lack of self-control? Will she learn to be frugal and wise in her spending habits, or will she see me rationalizing and spending on my own desires? Will she see me seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, or will she see me seeking after the things of this world?
I am not perfect. There are sin patterns in my life that I know my daughter will see, and I pray that God will protect her from following when I am a poor example. I know that God is probably bringing a little girl into my life to provide even more accountability than my sons already have.
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