chemotherapy Archives - Marissa Henley

When You Struggle to Give Thanks {No Matter What Monday}

November 20, 2017 by Marissa Leave a Comment

I laid next to my sleeping husband and wondered if the next morning, Thanksgiving Day, he’d wake to find that I’d died during the night. My fear may have been exaggerated, but it wasn’t completely unreasonable. I ran a fever of over 102, and the number of white blood cells available to fight infection in my body was dangerously close to the number of hairs on my head: zero.

From the world’s perspective, I didn’t have much to be thankful for. I was stricken with a rare cancer, facing months of grueling treatment, bald, sick, fatigued, and scared.

And yet, these verses challenged my thinking:

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Some days, I didn’t feel like rejoicing. Chemo made my mind too foggy to pray. I struggled to find reasons to give thanks.

With great relief, I noticed the scripture doesn’t say, “Give thanks for all circumstances.” God didn’t ask me to give thanks for cancer—in fact, I believe He hates cancer, along with all the effects of this fallen world. He asked me to give thanks in all circumstances, and then He graciously enabled me to do so.

Maybe this year, giving thanks is a challenge for you. I’ve been there, and I’m sorry for your pain. When our life is a mess, our future uncertain, or our hearts broken, how can we give thanks in those circumstances?

God doesn’t ask us to wear a fake smile and humor Him with a Pinterest-inspired thankfulness craft. He hears our cries for rescue, restoration, and relief from our suffering. Then the Lord gently lifts our tear-stained faces and shows us He is with us. He cares for us, He is at work, and He can be trusted in our trials. Our Heavenly Father lovingly reminds us that He is the reason we give thanks in all circumstances.

No matter what you face this week, the Lord gives you a reason to give thanks in all circumstances.

Photo by Dan Musat on Unsplash

When You Face An Impossible Situation {guest post on (in)courage.me}

December 10, 2016 by Marissa Leave a Comment

It was one week before Christmas 2010. I sat in my oncologist’s office at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, 600 miles from my home in Arkansas, clutching my husband’s hand as tears streamed down my face.

My oncologist had delivered the great news first: after two rounds of high-dose chemotherapy, the rare and aggressive tumor in my breast was much smaller. But there was bad news. My platelets were dangerously low from the chemo, and I still needed at least four more rounds to have a chance at survival.

My doctor had a solution.

In a clinical trial at MD Anderson, I would receive an experimental drug to boost my platelets. But I would need to spend two out of every three weeks in Houston. At that time, I feared I wouldn’t live long enough to walk my 18-month-old daughter into first grade. I certainly didn’t want to spend any of my time in a Houston hospital room.

But I didn’t have a choice.

I’m sharing God’s story of faithfulness in my life over at (in)courage today! It’s a wonderful community and provides rich devotional content daily–I hope you’ll continue reading there, check out their other posts, and subscribe to their devotional emails.

You might be a cancer survivor if . . .

April 9, 2015 by Marissa 1 Comment

When I started brainstorming a list of experiences and feelings that are unique to cancer survivors, I thought it would be funny. But when I was finished, it seemed more serious and sad than I expected. I guess that in many ways, being a cancer survivor isn’t very fun. It is challenging and scary and sad. But it’s also beautiful and sanctifying and strengthening, as we continue to figure out what it looks like to trust our faithful Lord in all circumstances.

This list is based on my personal experience with being diagnosed in my mid-30’s with a rare cancer that is generally associated with a grim prognosis. It may not reflect the experience of all cancer survivors, and that does not lessen their survivorship in any way.

My goal is not to generalize or define what it means to be a cancer survivor. I hope to shed some light on what cancer survivorship is like for me and possibly help you understand the cancer survivors in your life a little better.

You might be a cancer survivor . . .

if your goals include outliving the expiration date on your credit card

if you know how to apply eye makeup to make it look like you have eyelashes when you don’t

if you know what scanxiety is and exactly how it feels

if putting your hair in a ponytail makes you really happy

if you are quick to jump into photos with your kids and not worry if you don’t look perfect

if you’ve ever had an awkward encounter with a male TSA agent involving a breast prosthesis

if it takes you fifteen minutes to fill out a medical history form, but you can rattle off your medical record number and date of birth in two seconds flat

if you’ve ever held your toddler while she slept and begged God to let you live long enough for her to remember you

if you have a large box of wigs, hats and scarves somewhere in your closet

if you have plastic surgeons in two states and their work is covered by insurance

if you get super excited about each and every birthday (and expect everyone around you to do the same!)

if you can’t remember all your doctors’ names but know the normal ranges for CBC values by heart

if you love being there for birthday parties, piano recitals, school parties and holidays

if you date your photos by how much hair you have – before-cancer-hair, no hair, super-short hair, cute-short hair, three-years-post-cancer-shoulder-length hair, etc.

if you’ve ever asked a doctor how long you have to live

if you obsess over every ache and pain, bump and bruise

if you know what it’s like to have hundreds of people praying for you

if you are thankful for your healthy body, even with all its imperfections and scars

if you are convinced that God’s faithfulness is true because you’ve seen how He always provides

if you know that the peace of Christ is real because you’ve experienced in your darkest moments

RACK Update ~ Carols, coffee, and candy canes!

December 23, 2011 by Marissa Leave a Comment

We have been having a blast with our RACK projects in the last few days. On Tuesday, we called our church office and got Starbucks orders from our pastor and church secretary and took them coffee and coffeecake. It was so fun to see them and chat for awhile! The boys are both very enamored with Pastor Chris, so I think they were thrilled to do something for him.

On Wednesday was my FAVORITE of all our RACK projects. We went with some friends to sing Christmas carols in the chemotherapy treatment room at the oncology clinic. Last December, when I was there receiving chemo, some nurses got together and sang carols for us. I decided then that if I was able, I would bring my kids to sing the next Christmas. So it was very meaningful to me to be able to go and spread joy to the nurses and patients there this year. After the kids sang, I handed out candy canes to the patients and nurses and chatted with a few, then went around the clinic handing out candy canes to all my old friends. Everyone was so excited to see my hair! 🙂

On Thursday, we got a Shell gift card and taped it to a gas pump. Then we had a stake-out to see if it would get used. I put it on the last pump so no one would see me, but as it turns out, the last pump doesn’t get used very often. Despite all our cheering from inside our van for cars to pull up to “our” pump, no one did. After about 20 minutes, we left and went to the grocery store and came back later. The gift card was still there! So I got out, moved it one pump over, and we resumed our stake-out. About two minutes later, someone pulled up to the pump where the card USED to be. We couldn’t believe it! We waited another 20 minutes, but still no action on our pump. We gave up and trust that the Lord brought just the right person along eventually! We also enjoyed handing out candy canes to Salvation Army bell ringers as we ran errands that day.

Are you looking for a RACK project that only costs $1 and doesn’t even involve getting your kids out of the car? Today we drove around taping our RACK cards and candy canes to ATM machines. We also tried our Shell gas card trick again, this time putting them on busier gas pumps. We got to see people get both of our cards . . . in both cases, they went ahead and paid for their gas, and then stood looking at the pump for awhile, looked around, and then took the Shell card for next time. I guess when you encounter something that unexpected, it’s hard to know what to do at first! We had a blast and felt like secret agents!

Our RACK 2011 project is almost done! Tomorrow night we are hoping to take a plate of cookies to the people working at the desk in the emergency room. Last year, I spent several hours on December 24 at the hospital receiving a blood transfusion, and I’m sure it’s no fun to work in the ER on Christmas Eve. We’re looking forward to spreading some joy there, as we celebrate the birth of our Savior!