On October 25, 2010, I was about to leave for my oldest child’s 1st grade parent-teacher conference when my phone rang.
It was THE call from the radiologist who had performed the biopsy the week before. I was expecting to hear that it was either breast cancer or not breast cancer, but instead he was talking about a rare cancer that I had never heard of called angiosarcoma. I had to ask him to spell it as I wrote it down and stared at the strange new word.
Stunned, I said to him, “I’m not sure if you’re telling me I have one year or five years or what.” His answer was not reassuring: “We just don’t know yet.”
What does anyone do when they’ve just been diagnosed with a cancer they’ve never heard of? I Googled it, of course. And one of the first things I read was that only 30% of those diagnosed with angiosarcoma live five years past the diagnosis. I slammed the laptop shut and burst into tears.
Then my confused brain struggled to do some mental math and fast-forward five years. All I could think was that in five years my 18-month-old daughter would be just 6 years old – first grade. That there was a 70% chance that my baby girl wouldn’t have me with her when she walked into her first day of first grade.
First grade become my earnest plea to the Lord. I spent many weepy nights begging Him for more years with all three of my children. But for my baby, I wanted time for her remember me. In my mind, walking her into 1st grade would mean not only that I survived angiosarcoma for 5 years. It would mean having five years of making memories with my children and being part of their childhood.
As the years passed and it looked more likely that I would survive five years, my prayers became bolder. Now I look past first grade and ask for the privilege of parenting teenagers, seeing them graduate, attending their weddings, holding their babies. I continue to plead for more time and for the faith to trust the Lord with our future. But I don’t want to let this answered prayer pass by unnoticed . . .
On Tuesday, I will hold my daughter’s hand as she walks into her first day of first grade.
Praise the Lord! To Him alone be the glory!
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I weep. I can only weep. Knowing what Tuesday means to you and remembering that huge room of Providence mommas, all on our knees, pleading the blood of Jesus over you. I can barely stand the emotion. Thank you Jesus, for not only hearing our prayers, but for delivering far more than we could ask or imagine.
I love you friend. You have used your 5 years so intentionally. You have honored our Savior beautifully. So thankful for you and how you have walked this valley with me.
Marissa, I needed to read this today and be reminded of how The Lord answered our prayers for you! I am flooded with emotion and it brings me to tears because just a moment ago I was praying and pleading with the Lord for Lesley then I read you post. I praise The Lord for reminding me of His faithfulness and goodness to you and your family and how He healed you and extended your time on this earth. My dear Sister, The Lord was not done with you yet; you have allowed God to use you to bless so many. I thank The Lord for you and that continues to use you to bring glory to Himself. Today I will celebrate His goodness and this answered prayer and allow it to strengthen my faith and embolden my prayers. Praise The Lord oh my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise The Lord oh my soul and forget not all His benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
This post makes me so very happy for you and your family. You do live life with your children with such intention and intensity. It’s a beautiful reminder to us all how precious and fleeting this life really is. Hello 1st grade, Sarah Kate!! And can we really not rush this teen, marriage, and grand babies thing?? Congratulations Marissa! Thank you Lord for your faithfulness through the good and the bad; and the promises for the future.
Beautiful! I love hearing about how our great Father God is faithful.
Wish I could be there to celebrate with you. 🙂
Oh thank God. I boldly pray with you.
Well, Marissa, as long as you know there are others that cry (and rejoice) with you, you may cry : ). I remember your birthday the next day. And I remember NBS gathered together just for the purpose of praying for you. And I remember my own prayer for you and my asking why and begging God. Now, I know God shows His faithfulness in so many other ways, but in this case He reminds many of us through your answered prayer and health and children that His faithfulness reaches the skies. Much love to you and all praise and glory to God, K