Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

Scans

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There are many difficult aspects of life in Cancer World, even when you live there as someone who is blessed to be currently cancer-free.  For me, the quarterly check-ups are one of the most difficult parts.  When you’ve had cancer, especially one as aggressive as angiosarcoma, you know your cancer-free status can be snatched away at any time.  A lump, a symptom . . . the possibility is always lurking, but never as ominously as when you go for those scans.  I will make trips to Houston every three months for a CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis to check for a recurrence.  My scans are coming up soon.  And I’ll be honest, it is a struggle to keep the anxiety from taking over.

It feels like I’m standing on a beach.  The sand beneath my feet is my cancer-free life–being a normal mom who gets to drive her kids to school, go to Wal-mart, show up for stuff even when someone with a cold might be there, and take care of her family.  I can hear the waves of recurrence threatening to wipe my cancer-free life away, but it’s dark.  I have no idea whether I’m inches from those waves or whether they are way off in the distance.  I have no idea when the tide will roll in.  Will it come with this scan?  Or the next?  Or not for 20 years?  The darkness is what makes it so difficult.  If I could just see those waves, maybe I could get myself ready . . .

But then I realize that I’m not standing only on sand.  Beneath that sand is the Rock, and it cannot be washed away even by the most ferocious waves.  That Rock is Jesus Christ.  Hebrews 2:8 reminds us that everything is under His control.  And I John 3:16 reminds us that He loves me so much that He died for me.  That is one powerful, comforting combination.

This is the remedy for the anxiety that threatens to overwhelm me at times . . . God’s character and His promises to me.  He doesn’t promise that the waves won’t come.  But He promises to meet every one of my needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

I’m so thankful for that Rock.

If you would like to pray for me, please pray that the perfect peace of God would guard my heart and my mind and that my mind would be steadfast on Christ.  You can pray for comfort for me as I go through the CT scan and await the results, for wisdom for my doctors, and that my life would bring glory to Jesus Christ, my Rock and my Redeemer.

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Just 67 days until Christmas!

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I know, I know . . . you’re just trying to get through Halloween and Thanksgiving without having chest pains every time you walk into Hobby Lobby and are forced to think about how Christmas is almost upon you, with all it’s stress and busyness reminded about the upcoming celebration of our Savior’s birth and all it’s wonderful traditions and fun!

A couple of years ago, I discovered a new (to me) way of preparing for Christmas that has revolutionized my experience of Advent, the month of December, and the celebration of Christ’s birth.  I have started planning to finish all of my Christmas preparations–shopping, wrapping, mailing cards, etc.–by December 1.  I’ve found that it makes a huge difference in my energy level and enthusiasm by the time Christmas arrives if I’ve spent the weeks leading up to it enjoying Advent activities with my family rather than running myself ragged, fighting crowds at Target and wrapping gifts until midnight.

The key to this strategy is planning.  The way I plan is by making a long list of everything that needs to happen and then work backwards, scheduling it out and figuring out when I need to start each task.  For example, I can’t mail Christmas cards until I have a Christmas card.  I won’t have a Christmas card unless I order one.  I can’t order one unless we take a family photo.  I can’t take a family photo until everyone has color-coordinated outfits to wear.  (That’s just how I roll.)  So each of these tasks is on my checklist.  That way, I don’t get to the end of November, realize no one has anything to wear in a family photo for the Christmas card I want to mail out next week, and go running to the mall on Black Friday to try to find something.  (Nightmare!)

I apologize for not getting this post up sooner.  I started my preparations at the end of September.  But it’s not too late!  Every bit you get done ahead of December 1 will mean less stress for you in November.  Sit down right now and make your list!

To help you, click below for an example of my checklist to get you started.  Once you try it, you’ll never go back!

December 1 Checklist

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What If

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A year ago today, I was anxiously waiting for a biopsy that had been scheduled a few days later.  It is emotional for me to look back at those days right before my cancer diagnosis on October 25, 2010.  There is a temptation to dwell on it, as if I can somehow will it to turn out differently, to re-write history and get a phone call on that day that there was no cancer.  By grace alone, I am taking those thoughts captive and refusing to stay stuck on the “what-ifs.”

But it is an interesting question:  What would life look like today if it had been an infection like they originally thought?  What if that phone call on October 25 had gone the other way?  What if I had continued the antibiotic and gone on with my life?

What if I didn’t know just how much I truly have to be thankful for?

What if I didn’t understand the power of prayer and Scripture and the Holy Spirit to comfort you in the most dire of circumstances?

What if I didn’t realize how incredible my church family and friends are?

What if I was still driven by my to-do list and squeezing in quality time with my kids in between, instead of the other way around?

What if I didn’t know how many people love me and care about me?

What if I didn’t know to take time to make green slime and go for ice cream and say yes when they ask for just one more story?

What if I had never met our nanny or my Houston family or the oncology clinic staff or my cancer posse?

What if I was still oblivious to the needs of the sick and hurting in my community?

What if I weren’t committed to talking with my kids every day about God’s character and how we can trust Him?

I didn’t get to choose the outcome last October.  And that is definitely for the best, because I know I would have picked the easy road and missed out on all the blessings God had in store with the trial.  He planned each and every day for my good and His glory, and I am thankful.  I was reminded this week of a Charles Spurgeon quote that I heard somewhere back in the chemo fog, and it resonates with my experience:

“There is no greater mercy that I know of on earth than good health except it be sickness; and that has often been a greater mercy to me than health.  It is a good thing to be without a trouble; but it is a better thing to have a trouble, and know how to get grace enough to bear it.” 

Thank you, Lord, for each and every mercy you give, and the grace to bear those that are difficult.

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You are a survivor, too!

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Lately I’ve been having a difficult time bringing up cancer to people who don’t know what’s happened in the last year.  I’ve been thinking about it a lot, because I might go wig-free sometime this month, and there are going to be some unsuspecting people in my life who are in for a shock!  What will I say when they say something about my new “haircut,” and I know they’re really wondering why it is an oddly different color and super-short and curly?? (We’re all wondering about the curly part!  Thank you, Adriamycin and Ifosamide, for finally granting my lifelong wish for curly hair!)

 

I realized something today.  It was one of those painful “what a wretched sinner I am” moments.  I have an amazing testimony of God’s provision, goodness and faithfulness.  I have resolved to never talk about my cancer without speaking about the Lord.  So if someone comments on my haircut or my pink breast cancer sweatshirt, it is a wide-open door to tell them how good God has been to me.  Why in the world wouldn’t I tell everyone what has happened?  If I lived this out, people should see me coming and think, “Oh great, here comes cancer girl . . . God is so good . . . we’ve heard it a million times already!”

 

Are you nodding your head, thinking, “Go get ‘em, Marissa”??  Well, if you are a Christian, I’ve got news for you.  You have an amazing testimony, too.  You were dead in your sin, with a 0% chance of spiritual life aside from the work of the Holy Spirit in your heart.  (You have survived a worse prognosis than angiosarcoma!)  By no merit of your own, God has saved you from sin and death by sending His own Son to live and die in your place.  You have been promised eternal life and given every spiritual blessing in Christ.  God loves you so deeply that He makes all things work together for your good, and He is in control of every little detail.

 

Let’s get out there and tell this world what our God has done!  You have my permission to find yourself a pink sweatshirt and tell my story if it gives you an opportunity to talk with someone about Christ.  But I encourage you to think about your own story, and let’s not keep quiet!

Acts 3:8-10:  And leaping up he stood and began to walk, and entered the temple with them, walking and leaping and praising God.  And all the people saw him walking and praising God, and recognized him as the one who sat at the Beautiful Gate of the temple, asking for alms.  And they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.  

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