Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

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One Cancer-Free Year

July 20, 2012 by Marissa Leave a Comment

One year ago today, on my dad’s birthday, a surgeon removed the remaining cancer from my body. Thanks be to God, that nasty cancer hasn’t been seen around here since.

Today feels like a birthday, because in many ways, Life After Cancer feels so different from what came before. Mercifully different from Life With Cancer, but also not the same as Life Before Cancer. Mostly better that life before, but with new challenges that accompany my now-complicated medical history.

I’ve been reflecting on this cancer-free year, and how it compared to the year that preceded it . . .

A year of making memories instead of missing milestones.

A year of joyful birthdays and other events celebrated in person rather than on video-chat.

A year of being the mom who showed up for everything, not to be an overachiever or super-mom, but just because I live here and have white blood cells.

A year of hearing people tell me I look good and wanting to reply, “You’re just saying that because I have eyebrows and eyelashes again!” 🙂

A year of thinking, “This time last year . . .” and giving thanks for health and normalcy.

A year of friendships with cancer warriors, celebrating healing and miracles, and pleading with God on behalf of those who are still waiting to celebrate as I am today.

A year of emotional pilgrimages back to MD Anderson, but leaving each time hearing: “No evidence of disease, see you in three more months!”

A year of adjusting to the physical, emotional and relational changes that come with cancer survivorship.

A year of struggling to figure out how God wants to use me and my experience in Cancer World for the good of others and for His glory.

A year of fighting the tendency to slip back into complacency and old habits–an effort powered by the Holy Spirit, with failures covered by the blood of Christ.

A year of giving thanks and praise to the Lord for His perfect plan–past, present and future–because of His never-ending goodness and faithfulness. He is all that we need.

Happy birthday, Dad. I love you tons. And happy Life-After-Cancer birthday to me. To God be the glory!

Romans 8:28: For we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.

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iPhone Detox Plan

May 21, 2012 by Marissa 3 Comments

Last week I wrote a confession about my iPhone addiction and how it is negatively impacting my parenting.  Since then, I’ve struggled a bit with how to write this post about the changes I’ve made.  I don’t want it to come across as boastful.  “Look at me!  I’m supermom!  I’ve deleted all my fun apps, and so should you, or you’ll never be as great a mom as me!”  This is not the statement I’m trying to make.  One of my purposes for this blog is that it exalts the name of Jesus Christ, not me.

 

So I want to start by saying that these are some rules I have imposed on myself because this little rectangular screen has become an idol.  Rules that I need because, despite spending months away from my kids battling a rare cancer that still threatens to take me from them someday, I often choose meaningless entertainment over spending these fleeting days and years wisely with the children whom God has entrusted to me.

 

Not exactly anything to boast about, right?  I didn’t think so.  Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here is my iPhone Detox Plan.

 

Here’s a BEFORE shot of my iPhone:

I realized that every time I turn on my phone to make a call or answer a text, I see those tempting little numbers by my email or Facebook or Words With Friends.  So reflexively, I tap to see who likes my status or how badly my grandmother is beating me at Words.  (Embarrassing, but true.)  Next thing I know, my six-year-old is talking to me, and I’m giving him the I’m-checking-facebook-and-pretending-to-be-listening-”uh-huh.”

 

(Side note:  My six-year-old feels the need to tell me pretty much everything he thinks, all day long.  Ten years from now, it will really come in handy if he still wants to do this.  So I should probably PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND LISTEN NOW.)

 

To fight against these distracting little numbers, I decided to hide them on the third screen of my iPhone.  This is what my home screen looks like now:

 Very boring, right?  I can call, text, look up a Bible verse, take a picture, check my calendar or to-do list, and renew library books.  (Not that the Bible is boring.  But you get the point.)

 

And if I want to browse Pinterest, check email, or play a game?  I have to swipe all the way to the third screen and open a folder titled “Are Kids There?”  How’s that for conviction??  These apps are all off-limits if my kids are around.

Here is the rest of my iPhone Detox Plan:

1.  I’m not carrying my phone around in my pocket anymore.  It stays on the kitchen counter, and I check it periodically.  If someone needs something urgent, they can call my home phone.  This eliminates the temptation to answer calls or texts while reading to my kids or to check email every five minutes when I get bored.

 

2.  When I’m out with my kids, my phone stays in my purse.  This applies to spending time with friends and date nights with Noel whenever possible.  No more Pinterest at the park.

 

3.  When I’m driving, my phone stays in my purse.  My bluetooth lets me know if I get a call and who it’s from.  I can even answer it hands-free if needed.  No more texting at stoplights!  I’ve asked my kids to hold me accountable on this one.

 

4.  I’m trying to reduce talking on the phone while driving with my kids and spend that time chatting with them while I have a captive audience.

 

5.  Unless it is a special situation, I am no longer answering call-waiting.  The person I’m talking to is important and deserves my attention.  (This doesn’t have anything to do with my kids or my iPhone.  But it’s part of life in 1982 that I miss–the ability to talk to just one person at a time.)

 

6.  My husband and I have decided that 6-8 p.m. will be phone-free and computer-free time in our home.  We are not militant about it, but we are trying to be more aware and really devote those hours to spending time together as a family.  I’m much more likely to read one more bedtime story if I know I can’t use my laptop for another 20 minutes anyway.

 

As I mentioned earlier, I have already broken these rules a few times.  I’m amazed at how reflexively I reach for my back pocket, how often I wonder if I have any email, how I feel compelled to read every text message within five seconds of hearing that chime.

 

Let’s be honest.  I am a housewife.  None of my emails are urgent.  But these kids are growing up at lightening speed, and in a few years, they won’t want to talk to me or play Monopoly with me or tell me every detail of the Magic Tree House book they just read.  That’s the urgent stuff, and I want my minute-to-minute choices to reflect that.

 

If you have felt convicted about technology use or another distraction in your life, what changes are you making?  Will you leave a comment and let me know?

 

To God be the glory.

 

 

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“Hang Up and Drive”: Motherhood Edition

May 14, 2012 by Marissa 1 Comment

Hello, my name is Marissa, and I am an iPhone addict.

 

I’ve known something was not right for awhile now.  I’ve tried putting away the laptop on the days my kids are home, but that didn’t seem to be enough.  Then recently, a friend shared this post from Hands Free Mama on Facebook.  Reading it was like getting hit in the gut.  It’s got me thinking about how truly enslaved I am to my electronic devices, especially my iPhone.

 

“Enslaved?  Really, Marissa?  That’s a little overboard.”

 

But think about it . . .

 

  • Can you go out to lunch with a friend for an hour, put your phone in your purse on silent and not even think about checking it?  Or do you worry that your husband might need something or your kid might puke at preschool?

 

  • Can you wait until you get ALL THE WAY home to check that text message, or do you grab your phone at the stoplight?  And of course, once you’ve read it, can you really keep that person waiting 20 minutes until you reply?

 

  • Can you leave your phone in the car while you take your kids to the park?  Or do you need something to entertain you while you sit on a bench or push them on the swings?  (Of course, if you just got a text, they will have to wait for that push.  You can’t push and text.  I’ve tried.)

 

  • How many times have you jumped up from reading a book to your kids because your phone summoned you with it’s little chime?

 

A week ago, my answers to these questions were embarrassing.  My eyes have been opened to my need for constant communication, my desire for interaction and entertainment, and the pressure I feel to be accessible to everyone at every moment.  And my kids are paying the price.

 

If you are my age or older, you remember a time when we all had those devices with the spiral cords hanging on our walls at home.  They didn’t have answering machines or call waiting or caller ID.  If you wanted to talk to someone, and they were at the grocery store or outside getting their mail or already talking to someone else, you had to call back later.

 

My mom never worried that the world might fall apart while she was at the grocery store.  She never had to make a decision about who was more important:  the person she was already talking to, or the person calling in on call-waiting.  When she took me to the park, she wasn’t checking Facebook or playing Words With Friends.  She didn’t have a contact list of hundreds of interesting people she could chat with while she drove me around town.

 

I’m planning a throw-back to 1982, y’all.  My kids deserve my full attention, and I don’t want to miss out on these years that they actually want to talk or play with me.  I refuse to let this little screen rule my life.

 

Stay tuned for my iPhone detox plan . . .

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What does your prayer life say about God?

April 22, 2012 by Marissa Leave a Comment

What would someone believe about God if all they knew about Him was what they learned from your prayer life?  

This question posed by our pastor today has got me thinking.  If someone could witness your prayer life, would they think . . .

 

God must require them to say these words every day so they can check that off their list.

Her God must not be too powerful, if this is all she’s asking for.

Is this God a short-order cook?  She calls Him “Father” but then talks to Him like she’s placing a fast-food order.

It doesn’t seem like God has done anything for her before, why does she think He will do something now?

This God must either not exist or not be too important if this is all the praying she does.

 

OR . . .

 

This God is deserving of worship and adoration for all His wonderful attributes and promises.  He is good, and He has done marvelous things.

This God has saved her and given her all good gifts.

This God has done so much for her that she can’t stop thanking Him.

This God must be holy–she needs to confess her sin before Him.

I can’t believe she has the nerve to ask for THAT!  This must be one powerful God.  She must think He is actually in control and able to do that.

She loves so many people enough to pray for them regularly, and she believes God can and will help them.

This God truly is her Father.  I can tell by the way she is pouring out her heart to Him.

Did she just thank Him in the midst of her trial?  This God gives trials and uses them for good?  She’s still praising Him–He must truly be a good and faithful God.

 

I know what I believe about God:  that He is my holy, almighty Father, who gave His Son for salvation and has given me so many undeserved gifts that there is not time in the day to thank Him for all of them.  He is all-powerful, faithful and good, and He cares deeply for me.  All of my days and all of my loved ones are in His hands.  So why doesn’t my prayer life reflect that?

 

Our pastor said this morning that prayer is hard.  Not a very pastor-like thing to say, if you ask me.  But I’m glad he said it, because it is true.  Prayer is a privilege, but it is also a discipline.  It takes practice and time and effort.

 

I want the Lord to be glorified by the way I talk to Him, even when no one else is listening or watching, simply because of who He is and what He has done.  He is worthy of our praise, confession, thanksgiving and petitions.  As I can remember my Grandma Coomber singing:  what a friend we have in Jesus, and what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.

 

“What a Friend We Have in Jesus”

Words by Joseph M. Scriven

 

What a friend we have in Jesus, 

all our sins and griefs to bear! 

What a privilege to carry 

everything to God in prayer! 

O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear, 

all because we do not carry 

everything to God in prayer. 

 

Have we trials and temptations? 

Is there trouble anywhere? 

We should never be discouraged; 

take it to the Lord in prayer. 

Can we find a friend so faithful 

who will all our sorrows share? 

Jesus knows our every weakness; 

take it to the Lord in prayer. 

 

Are we weak and heavy laden, 

cumbered with a load of care? 

Precious Savior, still our refuge; 

take it to the Lord in prayer. 

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? 

Take it to the Lord in prayer! 

In his arms he’ll take and shield thee; 

thou wilt find a solace there.

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marissahenley.com

I write to remind myself of the truth of God's promises. I share my writing here in case you need to be reminded sometimes, too.

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