Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

Cookies, Counting and the Cross

by Leave a Comment

Do you know the difference between a two-year-old and a three-year-old? A two-year-old will share her cookie with you. A three-year-old won’t.

 

Sometime around our third birthday, we learn that the quantity of the cookie is limited. We realize that giving part of our cookie to mommy means less cookie for us. And we’ve known for some time that less cookie for us is a very bad thing.

 

I think this understanding of limited quantities of desirable things can hinder us from understanding God’s grace and forgiveness. It’s hard to wrap our brains around a fountain of grace that never runs out . . . that never lessens later no matter how much I need now . . . that never lessens for me no matter how much you need.

 

I love these thoughts from The Valley of Vision, “Calvary’s Anthem”:

“At the cross there is free forgiveness 

       for poor and meet ones, 

       and ample blessings that last for ever; 

The blood of the Lamb is like a great river of infinite grace 

       with never any diminishing of its fullness as thirsty ones without

       number drink of it.” 

 

Can you imagine a river of infinite grace that never diminishes in fullness? We can never exhaust God’s grace and forgiveness. Christ accomplished this for us!

 

When my troubles exhaust my emotional resources and when my sin exhausts my spiritual resources, this truth brings great comfort – the resources of grace and forgiveness that I own in Christ will never run out.

 

My daughter likes to beat me in the “I Love You” game by saying she loves me to infinity. The other day, she confessed that she can’t count to infinity because she doesn’t know all the numbers. I told her that even if she did know a lot more numbers, she could never count to infinity.

 

Infinity means there is always one more number. And the reason there is always one more number is because we live in a world created by an infinite God. We can never get to the end of His numbers, and we can never get to the end of His grace.

 

“O Lord, for ever will thy free forgiveness live 

       that was gained on the mount of blood;

In the midst of a world of pain

       it is a subject for praise in every place, a song on earth, an anthem in

       heaven, its love and virtue knowing no end.”

– The Valley of Vision, “Calvary’s Anthem”

Share

Coping With Scanxiety (And Other Scary Things)

by Leave a Comment

In a few weeks, I will travel to Houston for my next cancer follow-up appointments. I’ll be honest and say that I HATE these appointments. I hate having to ask other people to take care of my kids for three days for something that isn’t fun. I hate having to travel down there. I hate the process of getting blood drawn, getting an IV, sitting around the waiting room, and laying in the scanner. I hate waiting until the next day to see my doctor for results. I hate walking the halls of the hospital and re-living the unpleasant memories. I hate those moments when I wait in the exam room for someone to come in and tell me whether or not I have recurrent, metastatic angiosarcoma.

 

I wish I could say that I waltz through all of this with joy, peace and complete confidence in God’s good plans for me and my family. But when they take my vital signs before I see my doctor for results, I usually end up having to tell the nurse that no, my pulse isn’t going to slow down unless she waits until after I get my scan results. Even just typing these words and thinking about being there makes my pulse quicken! The anxiety related to cancer follow-up scans is so intense that we survivors have our own word for it:  scanxiety.

 

A friend asked me recently how I deal with the anxiety related to these appointments. Since I’ve been doing this for 4 years now, I’ve given it a lot of thought! Her question got me thinking about my coping strategies for anxiety and how they might be helpful to others.

 

1.  Do the Next Thing

There are times when all I can do is just get through it. In the weeks before my scans, I know my focus needs to be on today and not on tomorrow or next week or three weeks from now. The Lord says to leave tomorrow to Him (Matthew 6:34).  So one way I cope with anxiety is to push the thoughts of the future aside and focus on what God has asked me to do right now. Put one foot in front of the other and do the next thing.

 

2.  Promises from God’s Word

I love, love, love God’s Word. God will never fail to keep His promises. There are many promises in God’s Word that have become especially precious to me in the midst of anxiety. Here are just a few:  Psalm 46:1-2, Psalm 46:10-11, Psalm 73:25-26, Psalm 112:7-8, Psalm 121:1-2, Isaiah 26:3-4, Isaiah 43:1-2, Jeremiah 31:3, Lamentations 3:21-24, Habakkuk 3:17-19, John 16:33, Romans 8:38-39, Romans 15:13.

 

3.  Prayer

I also take my fears and concerns to the Lord in prayer. I am so thankful that Christ made a way for us to come before our Father’s throne and ask for help (Hebrews 4:16). My prayers in the midst of anxiety are not fancy or articulate. They usually go something like this:  “Please, God, don’t let me have cancer. This is so hard. Please help me.”

 

4.  Asking Others to Pray

Our Heavenly Father doesn’t ask us to carry our burdens alone – He gives us a family, the body of Christ (Galatians 6:2). Often, I will share my struggle with anxiety with others and ask them to pray for me. I’m thankful for friends who are willing to share my burden and pray for me. It brings me great comfort.

 

5.  Remembering God’s Past Faithfulness

Lamentations 3:21-23: But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

When I’m having a difficult time trusting God’s future faithfulness, I call to mind God’s past faithfulness.  Here’s a little math equation for you . . .

Past faithfulness + never changing = future faithfulness guaranteed! 

God has been faithful to me in the past. I could write all day about the ways He has worked in horrible circumstances for my good and for His glory.

God never changes.  Never ever, no matter what. Therefore, I can put my hope in His future faithfulness in all circumstances.

 

Doing the next thing, reading God’s promises, praying, asking for prayer and remembering the Lord’s trustworthiness don’t make my fears vanish. But these strategies remind me where to run when I am afraid:

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? (Psalm 56:3-4)

Share

You might be a cancer survivor if . . .

by 1 Comment

When I started brainstorming a list of experiences and feelings that are unique to cancer survivors, I thought it would be funny.  But when I was finished, it seemed more serious and sad than I expected.  I guess that in many ways, being a cancer survivor isn’t very fun.  It is challenging and scary and sad.  But it’s also beautiful and sanctifying and strengthening, as we continue to figure out what it looks like to trust our faithful Lord in all circumstances.

 

This list is based on my personal experience with being diagnosed in my mid-30’s with a rare cancer that is generally associated with a grim prognosis. It may not reflect the experience of all cancer survivors, and that does not lessen their survivorship in any way.

 

My goal is not to generalize or define what it means to be a cancer survivor.  I hope to shed some light on what cancer survivorship is like for me and possibly help you understand the cancer survivors in your life a little better.

 

You might be a cancer survivor . . .

  • if your goals include outliving the expiration date on your credit card
  • if you know how to apply eye makeup to make it look like you have eyelashes when you don’t
  • if you know what scanxiety is and exactly how it feels
  • if putting your hair in a ponytail makes you really happy
  • if you are quick to jump into photos with your kids and not worry if you don’t look perfect
  • if you’ve ever had an awkward encounter with a male TSA agent involving a breast prosthesis
  • if it takes you fifteen minutes to fill out a medical history form, but you can rattle off your medical record number and date of birth in two seconds flat
  • if you’ve ever held your toddler while she slept and begged God to let you live long enough for her to remember you
  • if you have a large box of wigs, hats and scarves somewhere in your closet
  • if you have plastic surgeons in two states and their work is covered by insurance
  • if you get super excited about each and every birthday (and expect everyone around you to do the same!)
  • if you can’t remember all your doctors’ names but know the normal ranges for CBC values by heart
  • if you love being there for birthday parties, piano recitals, school parties and holidays
  • if you date your photos by how much hair you have – before-cancer-hair, no hair, super-short hair, cute-short hair, three-years-post-cancer-shoulder-length hair, etc.
  • if you’ve ever asked a doctor how long you have to live
  • if you obsess over every ache and pain, bump and bruise
  • if you know what it’s like to have hundreds of people praying for you
  • if you are thankful for your healthy body, even with all its imperfections and scars
  • if you are convinced that God’s faithfulness is true because you’ve seen how He always provides
  • if you know that the peace of Christ is real because you’ve experienced in your darkest moments
Share

The Big Win

by Leave a Comment

I have a confession to make:  March Madness games make me cry.  Seeing those kids win a big game, knowing it is one of the most exciting moments of their young lives . . . I can be watching a team I don’t even care about, made up of people I don’t know and will never meet, and seeing their joy in WINNING will bring tears to my eyes.

 

We all love to win, don’t we?  My middle child always cheers for the team that’s winning, even if (gasp!) it’s the team playing our beloved Razorbacks.  He loves to win.

 

This morning, I was singing my favorite Easter hymn to my daughter and explaining the words to her.  And I was reminded of the biggest WIN the world has ever seen.  Final Four games have nothing on this victory and the joy it brings!

 

Up from the grave He arose, with a mighty triumph o’er His foes . . .

 

  • When Jesus rose from the grave, He won big-time over Satan, over death, over sin, over sickness, over sadness, over pain!

 

He arose a victor from the dark domain, and He lives forever with His saints to reign . . .

 

  • Jesus wins, and if you are in Christ, you win, too!

 

He arose!  He arose!  Hallelujah, Christ arose!

 

The message of Easter morning is this:  Jesus wins.  Because Christ is risen, we can have joy and hope in a world that seems to be falling apart.  It looks like we are losing.  It feels like we are losing.  Our hearts break when we encounter pain, sadness, sickness, grief and death.

 

But the truth is, Christ has won.  It is finished!  And in Christ, we are more than conquerors – we win, too!  We WIN because Christ has WON.  And someday the victorious Christ will wipe away every sad tear from our eyes.

 

Here’s my daughter singing our favorite Easter hymn three years ago.  I pray the truth of these words takes deep root in her heart as she learns all that Jesus has won for her.  Happy Easter, friends.  Christ is risen!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqmfo5Fkus8

Share