Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

40 Biblical Principles For Parenting

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Recently, I evaluated the books, advice, and paradigms which have influenced my parenting.  While I believe that parenting books and counsel from wise parents can be useful and good, I want to ensure that the primary impact on my parenting decisions comes from God’s Word.

 

I embarked on a search for resources that describe what the Bible says about parenting.  There are countless lists of verses to use when teaching your children to behave.  I already own and use many of these.  But I was looking for verses telling ME how to behave as a parent.  And this was surprisingly difficult.

 

I didn’t discover many resources that use Scripture to teach parents how to behave toward their children.  (However, one helpful publication I found was “A Checklist for Parents” by Pam Forster.)  Since no one else was going to make this easy for me, I decided to compile my own list.  Using Forster’s checklist and my own search of God’s Word, I wrote a list of biblical principles for my own parenting.  It turns out that the Bible has a lot to say to parents!  And so I thought I should share what I found, with the hope that other parents might be encouraged by it. 

 

Due to the large number of verses, I grouped them into four categories.  First, I have general biblical principles for parenting.  These are general principles regarding our role as parents.  Second, I have biblical principles for discipline.  These relate to how we discipline our children, since this is a topic addressed multiple times by Scripture.

 

Next, I listed principles for how we should relate to our children.  These principles apply to loving all our neighbors.  But they are important to consider, since following these biblical admonitions is often more difficult in our own home.

 

Finally, I listed principles for our personal spiritual growth.  As we grow in Christlikeness, our parenting will reflect that change.  Our children will benefit as we draw nearer to our Savior and deepen our understanding of God’s Word.

 

As you may have noticed, only a fraction of these verses speak directly to parents or the act of parenting.  As I studied, I started to realize that our cultural emphasis on parenting doesn’t seem to be reflected in Scripture.  We are preoccupied with parenting, because we are so afraid of getting it wrong.  I’m not saying that parenting isn’t important.  However, I think our cultural obsession with being a good parent might not be biblically accurate.  If we were primarily focused on growing in obedience to Christ and dependence on Him, I believe wise parenting would naturally flow from our submission to God and His Word.

 

This list is far from complete.  I’m certain that I could study God’s Word for years and still have more to learn about motherhood.  But there’s enough on this list to keep me busy long after my kids have grown up and started families of their own.  It’s a good place to start.

 

What biblical principles for parenting would you add to this list?  Leave me a comment with your ideas!

 

Click here for a downloadable PDF.

 

40 BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTING

 

1. General biblical principles for parenting: 

  • Pray for your children (specifically, for them to follow God’s commands)

(I Samuel 12:23, I Chronicles 29:19)

  • Give praise generously 

(Proverbs 3:27)

  • Pass on wisdom 

(Proverbs 4:11, Proverbs 31:26)

  • Teach your children to find their refuge in the Lord 

(Proverbs 14:26)

  • Tell your children of God’s wonderful deeds and His faithfulness 

(Psalm 78:4, Psalm 145:4, Isaiah 38:19)

  • Rightly handle the word of truth 

(II Timothy 2:15)

  • Teach them the Gospel and prepare them to recognize false doctrine

(Romans 1:16, Galatians 1:8-9)

 

2.  Biblical principles for discipline:  

  • Be diligent in discipline in order to drive out foolishness 

(Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:15, Proverbs 29:15)

  • Teach your children God’s commands 

(Deuteronomy 6:6-7, I Samuel 12:23, Psalm 103:18-19)

  • Reprove, rebuke and exhort with patience and teaching 

(Proverbs 3:12, II Timothy 4:2)

  • Set an example for your children and do not lead them into sin 

(Proverbs 20:7, Matthew 18:6, I Peter 5:2-3)

  • Restore them gently when they sin 

(Galatians 6:1-2)

  • Exhort and encourage them to walk in a manner worthy of God by loving  others and doing good works

(I Thessalonians 2:11-12, Hebrews 10:24)

 

3.  Biblical principles for relating to your children: 

  • Have compassion on your children and remember their weakness 

(Psalm 103:13-14)

  • Do not bear a grudge against them 

(Leviticus 19:18)

  • Love them with love that is patient and kind, not boastful or envious or rude, not irritable or insisting on your own way, bearing all things and rejoicing in the truth 

(I Corinthians 13:4-7)

  • Display the fruits of the Spirit toward your children (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness and self-control)

(Galatians 5:22-23)

  • Walk in a manner worthy of your calling by showing humility, gentleness, patience, and bearing with them in love 

(Ephesians 4:1-3)

  • Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouth 

(Ephesians 4:29)

  • Encourage them and give grace with your words 

(Ephesians 4:29)

  • Be reasonable and joyful 

(Philippians 4:4-5)

  • Be compassionate, kind, humble, meek, and patient 

(Colossians 3:12)

  • Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you 

(Colossians 3:13)

  • Lay down your life for them 

(I John 3:16)

  • Love in deed and truth and not just words 

(I John 3:18)

  • Love them as God has loved you 

(I John 4:11)

 

4.  Biblical principles for our own spiritual growth as parents: 

  • Seek God’s kingdom first 

(Matthew 6:33)

  • Love God and others 

(Matthew 22:38-39, Romans 13:9)

  • Walk with integrity 

(Proverbs 20:7)

  • Choose your advisors carefully and remain grounded in God’s Word

(Psalm 1:1-2)

  • Provide for your children and your household 

(II Corinthians 12:14, I Timothy 5:8)

  • Remember you will sow what you reap 

(Galatians 6:7)

  • Wives, submit to your husbands  

(Ephesians 5:22)

  • Fathers, do not provoke your children 

(Ephesians 6:4)

  • Do not be anxious about anything 

(Philippians 4:6-7)

  • Pray about everything 

(Philippians 4:6-7)

  • Think on what is true and right 

(Philippians 4:8)

  • Be thankful 

(I Thessalonians 5:18)

  • Draw near to the throne of grace to find mercy and grace to help in time of need 

(Hebrews 4:16)

  • Ask God for wisdom 

(James 1:5)

 

List of Scripture references*:  Leviticus 19:18; Deuteronomy 6:6-7; I Samuel 12:23; I Chronicles 29:19; Psalm 1:1-2, 78:4, 103:13-14, 103:17-18, 145:4; Proverbs 3:12, 3:27, 4:11, 13:24, 14:26, 20:7, 22:15, 29:15, 31:26; Isaiah 38:19; Matthew 6:33, 18:6, 22:38-39; Romans 1:16, 13:9; I Corinthians 13:4-7; II Corinthians 12:14; Galatians 1:8-9, 5:22-23, 6:1, 6:7; Ephesians 4:1-3, 4:29, 5:22, 6:4; Philippians 4:4-8; Colossians 3:12-13; I Thessalonians 2:11-12; I Thessalonians 5:18; I Timothy 5:8; II Timothy 2:15, 4:2; Hebrews 4:16, 10:24; James 1:5; I Peter 5:2-3; I John 3:16; I John 3:18; I John 4:11

*The above Scripture references can be copied and pasted into the search box on www.esvbible.org to read the entire list of verses.

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When the Prayer Button Breaks

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My five-year-old daughter hates going to the dentist. (I can’t say I blame her.) Before her most recent dentist appointment, she asked her dad and me to pray for her at least a dozen times in the 24 hours leading up to the appointment, including in the car on the way there, in the waiting room, and in the chair when they took her back.

We most definitely had covered the appointment in prayer. You might even say that we had pushed the “prayer button.” But when the moment came and they started cleaning my daughter’s teeth, she found that she still didn’t like it. It was still weird and noisy and someone had their fingers in her mouth, asking her to open up and be still. She started crying and screaming, “God isn’t helping me!” (Yes, it was a proud, proud mommy moment.)

What happened? Was the prayer button broken? Did we not pray enough? Did we not have enough faith? Was God busy or asleep? Did He not care?

I had a similar experience the following week. I was facing what I knew was going to be a stressful few hours with the kids. We had more to do than could possibly be done in the time we had. I was tired and hormonal. And so I literally fell to my knees in my bedroom and begged the Lord to help me. I asked for wisdom, patience, gentleness and kindness toward my children.

Twenty minutes later, I was back in my bedroom. I was crying. My daughter was crying in her room, and I had just closed my son’s door a little too emphatically after checking on his work and being disappointed with his progress. I wanted to scream, “God isn’t helping me!”

What happened? Once again, it seemed the prayer button failed.

There’s a quote I love that says, “Don’t doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light.” The truth is that God is always with us, always caring for us, always being perfectly loving and faithful to us. Despite the darkness we felt, God was there with my daughter at the dentist and with me during those stressful hours.

I hope my daughter will someday understand that God was truly with her that day, answering her prayers for help.

He gave her the very breath she used to cry out, “God isn’t helping me!”

He gave her the strength to face her fears and get her teeth cleaned, even though it wasn’t pleasant.

He gave her a mother present with her to hold her and tell her it would be over soon and supportive brothers cheering her on.

He gave her access to excellent, affordable dental care just minutes from her home.

And even though she couldn’t fathom why she had to go through this suffering, those who know more than she does understand that it was for her good.

The Lord was certainly with her that day, keeping all His promises to His precious child.

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On Blogging (and Not Blogging)

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Well, look at that–I’m writing a blog post.  It’s been awhile.  I’m feeling conflicted lately about blogging.  I’ve been writing, but not sharing my thoughts online like I used to.  And recently, I asked myself why.

 

It’s fear, plain and simple.  Fear of what others think.  Fear that others might think I’m trying to be a super-blogger, a fabulous writer with a large following.  And obviously, if I were aiming for that, I would be failing miserably.  I’m not even sure that my husband or my mom read my blog.

 

It’s fear that no one cares what I have to say.  Or that they will think it is stupid or lame or silly.  There’s nothing special about me or my writing.  I’m no longer a mom with cancer.  I don’t have deep thoughts or grand ideas or new insights or beautiful stories to share.  My thoughts are no more interesting than yours, and at best, I’m maybe an above-average writer.  So why should I blog?  Why should you spend time reading it?

 

It’s fear of adding to the massive amounts of information in the blogosphere.  I often feel the need to unplug from all the voices clamoring for my attention and just be quiet with God’s Word.  Maybe you feel that way, too.  I’m not helping matters by adding to the voices.

 

It’s fear of thinking too much of myself.  I already struggle with thinking of myself too often.  I don’t need to spend more time thinking of how valuable I am (or my writing is) in the eyes of others.

 

And yet, God has given me the ability to write.  He’s given me a willingness to share my writing with others.  He’s given me a husband who knows how to make a website.  I feel God calling me to share these things.

 

I love to write as a way to process what I’m thinking, feeling and learning.  I’d love to process these things further with people around me.  So if you know me personally, I’d love you to ask me more about what I write here.  Let’s have coffee and chat!  Challenge me, question me, ask me how I’m living out what I’m learning and writing.  Share with me how you’re struggling or being challenged by the Lord.  I’d love that!

 

So I will share and pray that God will use it in whatever way He chooses. And I will ask Him to enable me obey His command to have no fear.

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The Cross of Jesus

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Tomorrow is Good Friday.  We are studying Matthew 27 (the crucifixion) in Bible Study Fellowship this week.  So the cross of Jesus has been on my mind lately, and it’s showed me two things:

1. the cross doesn’t enter my daily thoughts very often, and 2. it really, really should.

Life is busy.  My thoughts are usually consumed with my to-do list, dinner plans, parenting challenges, and vacation daydreams.  But these last several days, as my thoughts have turned more and more to the suffering, death, and resurrection of Christ, I started making a mental list of how I’ve benefitted from Christ’s death on the cross.

I’d like to be more aware of these benefits on a daily basis, not just during Holy Week.  And so as I record them for myself, I’ll also share them with you.  I hope contemplating what Christ has done will encourage you as it has encouraged me.

 

Christ was betrayed, so I could be reconciled to God. (Romans 5:10)

Christ was taken captive, so I could be set free. (Matthew 26:50, Galatians 5:1)

Christ poured out His blood, so I could be filled with the Holy Spirit (Matthew 26:28, Romans 8:11)

Christ was falsely accused, so I could be free from the accusations of the evil one. (Matthew 26:59-60)

Christ was sacrificed, so I could be rescued. (I Peter 1:18-19)

Christ was taken outside the city gates, so I could be brought into God’s kingdom. (Matthew 27:33)

Christ was forsaken, so I could be accepted. (Matthew 27:46)

Christ was disrobed, so I could be clothed in His righteousness. (Isaiah 61:10, Matthew 27:35)

Christ became sin, so I could be made righteous. (II Corinthians 5:21)

Christ was wounded, so I could be healed. (I Peter 2:24)

Christ was mocked, so I could be welcomed. (Matthew 27:39-44)

Christ suffered, so I could be sanctified. (Hebrews 13:11-13)

Christ was condemned, so I could know no condemnation. (Romans 8:1)

Christ became like the guilty, so my guilt could be removed. (Matthew 27:37-38, Psalm 103:12)

Christ was separated from the Father, so I never will be. (Romans 8:38-39)

Christ died in the darkness, so I could walk in the light. (Matthew 27:45, John 8:12)

Christ became cursed, so I could be free from the curse. (Deuteronomy 21:22-23)

Christ was humiliated, so I could be glorified with Him. (Romans 8:17)

Christ was rejected, so I could be adopted. (Romans 8:15-16)

Christ felt the sting of death, so I could be freed from its power. (I Corinthians 15:55-57, Matthew 27:50)

Christ was punished, so I could be pardoned. (Micah 7:18)

Christ wore a crown of thorns, so I could receive the crown of life. (Matthew 27:29, James 1:12)

Christ experienced God’s wrath, so I could be spared from it. (Romans 3:25)

Christ was the perfect Passover Lamb, so I could pass from death to life. (John 1:29, Colossians 1:13)

 

John 19:30: When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

 

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