Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

Flashback: How to be a Better Mom

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Below is an excerpt from a blog post I wrote in May 2008:

I don’t know about you, but I am constantly wondering how I could be a better mom. I’ve read a lot of books and talked to a lot of experienced moms, searching for information that might help in my own child-raising struggles. Sometimes I’ll even manage to put a great idea into practice for about a week, and then I fall right back into the same pattern of begging, yelling and bribing in an effort to squeeze some small amount of obedience from my children. I start the day wanting to set a joyful tone for our home, but I find myself become discouraged and irritable, often by 9:00 a.m. (on good days). I feel like I have the pieces of the puzzle, but I can’t keep them together for more than a couple of hours at a time.

On my search for the answer to these dilemmas, I would hear people talk about spending time daily in God’s Word and in prayer. Honestly, I thought it was a little legalistic and regimented. I knew I should be spending more time with God, but it was so hard to set aside the time. (Strangely enough, I have no problem finding the time to play on Facebook and watch American Idol.)

Then came Bible Study Fellowship. I am finishing my first year in BSF, and I can now say that I have discovered the secret to being a better mom. Those “legalists” were right: the answer is spending time with God daily. (Or almost daily, in my case–just being honest!) I still fall short over and over again . . . take this morning, for example, when I was yelling at Christopher about 30 minutes before leaving for BSF. But I find myself less discouraged, less irritable, more joyful, and handling the rough spots in my life much better than I did a year ago. I know the reason for this is that God has been convicting me of my sin and teaching me about His character and truth through my study of His Word. I look forward to becoming even more wise, self-controlled and joyful in my parenting as He teaches me more.

At this point, you might be thinking, “This BSF has a parenting class?” That’s the crazy part about it. I’ve been studying the Gospel of Matthew this year. From the book of Matthew, I’ve learned huge lessons about materialism, obedience, forgiveness, relying on God’s strength, worship, contentment, being a better wife and mom, and so much more. God’s Word is always effective–when it goes out, it never returns void–so no matter what you are studying in God’s Word, He knows what you need and He will teach you through His Truth. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to figure out: Christ tells us in John 15:4-5 that we need to abide in Him. Jesus said that He is the Vine, we are the branches, and we cannot bear fruit apart from Him. It is only by being connected to the Vine that we can accomplish what He has called us to do.

So if you want to be a better mom (or wife, or daughter, or friend), let me encourage you to plug yourself into the only Vine that can provide what you need. If you do not have a Bible study that challenges you to daily study God’s Word and apply it to your life, check to see if there is a BSF group in your area. Two things I love about BSF are the weekly lessons that hold me accountable to be in God’s Word throughout the week and the children’s program for children ages 6 weeks old through high school. It is not just child care–the children study the same passage as we do, and the program is fabulous (and free!).

I’m reposting this now, because it is still just as true as it was two years ago.  God has used BSF in my life in a big way to help me grow in discipline and my understanding of His Word.  As you are making commitments this fall, would you consider finding a Bible study that challenges you in these ways?

BSF classes around the country will be having introductory classes the weeks of September 13 and 20 for this year’s new study:  Isaiah! It’s going to be good.  And bring your kids . . . daytime classes offer children’s programs for children ages 6 weeks through kindergarten, and evening classes offer programs from 1st grade through high school.  I can’t wait to work on Christopher’s lesson with him this year as he starts the elementary program!

If you want more information about finding a BSF class, please leave me a comment or email me at marissahenley@gmail.com.

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“A Jesus who doesn’t mind materialism” (Radical, chapter 1)

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“Have you ever come to Jesus on His terms?”

That is the question asked by David Platt in his sermon series, Radical.  (After listening to several of these sermons, I decided to get the book by the same name.)  The first step to coming to Jesus on His own terms is to know what His terms are.

What does Jesus say about following Him?

Mark 10:21:  “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

Luke 9:23-24:  And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”

Later in Luke 9, those who express interest in following Jesus are told to expect to be homeless like Christ, not to take the time to bury their father, and not to say good-bye to their families or finish up work at home.

Luke 14:26-27, 33:  “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life he cannot be my disciple.  Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple . . . So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.”

I think in our Christian culture, we are desensitized to the shocking nature of Jesus talking about taking up our cross.  Put yourself in the shoes of those who heard Christ say these words before His death.  The cross was an instrument of torture and death.  Christ was telling those who wanted to follow Him that they should be prepared to be tortured and killed.  Not exactly seeker-sensitive.

Platt writes:  “Give up everything you have, carry a cross, and hate your family.  This sounds a lot different than ‘Admit, believe, confess, and pray a prayer after me.’ . . . Ultimately, Jesus was calling them to abandon themselves . . . In a world that prizes promoting oneself, they were following a teacher who told them to crucify themselves.  And history tells us the result.  Almost all of them would lose their lives because they responded to this invitation.”  (p. 11-12)

I agree with Platt’s assertion that modern-day American Christianity has watered down the true cost of following Christ.  These passages from Mark and Luke make us squirm, and we would rather think that Jesus didn’t really mean what He said.  But this rationalization is dangerous, as Platt writes:

“Because we are starting to redefine Christianity.  We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with.  A nice, middle-class, American Jesus.  A Jesus who doesn’t mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have.” (p. 13, emphasis mine)

Let’s be honest.  My struggle with materialism is well-documented on this blog.  And I’m guessing I’m not the only one who would like Jesus to be okay with just a little bit of materialism.  This is America, after all.  But as we, as the wealthiest people on this planet, mold Jesus to fit our desires, we are falling very short of the calling the real Jesus gave His followers.  Billions are dying apart from Christ.  Thousands of children die every day from starvation and preventable disease.

Do we love Jesus enough to follow Him on His terms?  Do we care enough about the lost and the poor to obey Christ’s commands to forsake earthly treasure for eternal reward?  Are we willing to give our lives in radical faith to Jesus who gave everything for us?

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Here Am I!

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Last night I was talking with another mom about how overwhelmed we both feel. She said, “Do you feel like you need to not make any other commitments and just focus all your attention on your family?” And I had to laugh. Because God recently asked me to make a commitment to serve Him in a large, time-consuming way. When I was first approached about this service, I had every intention of saying no. But I prayed about it, and God went to work on me.

As I prayed, I heard God speaking in a way that I rarely do. (Maybe I should ask Him what He thinks more often.) I didn’t really like what I heard: “When are you going to serve Me sacrificially?” I’ll be honest. I don’t mind little bits of service here and there. Volunteering in the nursery, taking a meal to someone, that kind of thing. But something major? Oh, I can’t do that. You see, I homeschool my (brilliant, self-teaching) son three days a week. I have a baby. (She’s 15 months old. How long do I get to keep calling her a baby?) My husband works weird hours. So surely God wouldn’t ask me to take on something big outside my home.

But He did. And over the next couple of days, I decided to take a giant leap of faith. I have no idea how this commitment will fit into my schedule. I can’t map it out on a nice little spreadsheet, like I’m fond of doing. And I think that’s a good thing. Because if I could map it out, I could think it was all about me. Look at me! I’m SuperMom and SuperChristian–look what I can do!

I have no idea how this is going to work, but I know that God is asking me to do it. So the glory will be all His. I can already see growth happening because my eyes have been taken off myself as I’m looking to Him to see what He’s going to do. I am confident that this service will reap spiritual benefits for me which will overflow to my entire family, and that is exciting.

Are you serving sacrificially? It will look different for everyone.  I didn’t go looking for this, but I should have been.  So I challenge you to stop making excuses and ask God to show you how He wants you to serve, no matter your season of life. You might be surprised what happens!

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”      Isaiah 6:8

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Thorns in the Flesh

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This summer I’m studying Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George with some wonderful friends of mine.  There are many potential blog posts coming out of this book.  This week, our study provided a fresh look at 2 Corinthians 12:7-10:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

The question asked, “What did Paul ask God to do about [the thorn in his flesh]?”  He pleaded three times for it to be removed.  (Really, just three times?)  The next question asked, “What was God’s response?”  Uh, the answer was a big fat NO.  But there’s more than that.  God’s “no” was that His grace and power were sufficient for Paul as he dealt with this struggle.

There are a few “thorns” in my life right now that I have been pleading with God to remove.  And to be honest, I’ve been a little frustrated that they are still around.  But after studying this passage, I don’t see God being silent about my trials, both self-inflicted and other-inflicted.  I know that if these trials and temptations persist, it is for my good and His glory as He is making me more like Christ.  If that were not the case, He would have removed them.  As I walk through the difficulties, He has promised that His grace is sufficient for each one.

We ask, “Lord, please heal my family member.”

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

We plead, “Lord, please fix my financial difficulties.”

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

We cry, “Lord, please save my unbelieving loved one.”

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

I find Paul’s attitude toward God’s graceful “no” to be very convicting.  As I continue in my difficulties, my attitude should not just be tolerating them and getting through them as quickly as possible so I can move on to something happier.  Following Paul’s example, I am called to be content and even boast in my weaknesses and struggles, because they showcase God’s power and goodness.  What a lofty goal . . . one that I could definitely only attain by God’s power and not my own.

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