suffering Archives - Page 10 of 26

Steadfast Love that Gives Us Hope ~ Guest Appearance at Women Encouraged

March 28, 2018 by Marissa Leave a Comment

The worst day of my most difficult year wasn’t when the doctor told me I had a rare cancer with a crushingly low survival rate. It wasn’t the day I learned I’d spend many weeks away from my husband and young children receiving a clinical trial drug in Houston. It wasn’t the day of my mastectomy.

The low point came unexpectedly, right in the middle of months of suffering.

It was January 24, 2011. I was in Texas starting my fourth round of chemotherapy. My middle child was celebrating his fifth birthday back home in Arkansas. And I was convinced that my tumor, which had been shrinking, was now growing.

The poison dripped into my veins, guaranteeing that I’d feel terrible for the next two weeks. I wondered if the treatment was working and whether I’d live to see my children celebrate more birthdays. I longed to be a healthy mom who busied herself with gift wrap and cupcakes and stood grinning beside the birthday boy as he blew out the candles.

As I watched my son open gifts over my laptop webcam, I pasted on a fake smile and forced the tears to wait. But I knew they would come as my battle-weary heart wrestled with the question: How much worse would this get before it got better?

I didn’t want to keep fighting; I just wanted to go home to my babies.

I’m sharing how God gave me up in the midst of difficult times over at the Women Encouraged blog. I’d love for you to head over there to read the rest of the post and check out the biblical encouragement they share!

When You Don’t Have Any Answers {Guest post at (in)courage}

March 13, 2018 by Marissa Leave a Comment

Facebook is a terrible way to learn a friend has died.

A heavy feeling settled in my chest as my newsfeed swarmed with strangers writing messages to Julie about shared memories.

When I saw the first “RIP,” I crumpled into a mess of tears.

Julie and I met in the radiation waiting room at MD Anderson Cancer Center. In May 2011, I reported to Waiting Room J each weekday at my assigned time. It didn’t take long to recognize the familiar faces of those with similar appointment times.

Julie struck up a conversation with me during my second week of radiation. She was about my age and recognized me from the 9th floor Sarcoma Center waiting room. (Cancer demands a lot of time in waiting rooms.) Although she was clearly in pain from the growing tumor in her leg, her smile was brilliant, shining from a face adorned with a spunky, color-streaked wig.

We bonded quickly over the chemotherapy regimen we’d both endured and the experience of being moms with cancer. We shared our life stories and cancer stories, and I learned that while chemo caused my tumor to shrink like a snowball in a frying pan, Julie’s tumor grew steadily and ominously.

We celebrated the end of Julie’s radiation, and she stood proudly beside me as I rang the bell at the end of mine. We planned to see each other when I returned to Houston six weeks later for surgery. But by then, Julie was gone.

I never found out exactly how she died. When you make friends in a radiation waiting room you don’t know each other’s people. I never met her friends or family. I had no one to grieve with, no one to share common memories with, no one to answer my questions about her final days. Did she suffer? Did she die in the hospital? Did she have enough warning to say good-bye to her son? I’ll never know.

I shared this piece over at (in)courage . . . a beautiful community of women seeking connection with each other as they follow Christ. I’d love for you to head over there to read the rest of the piece about my struggle to trust God in an answer-less place.

While you’re there, check out their site and subscribe to their daily emails–they are such an encouragement to me!

God is Always On Time {No Matter What Monday}

March 5, 2018 by Marissa Leave a Comment

Do you ever have one of those days when you run behind schedule ALL. DAY. LONG? You have a to-do list that’s growing, not shrinking. You hit snooze one time too many and got a late start. The dog pees the carpet right as you’re leaving the house. Your toddler goes on strike and refuses to put on his shoes. And of course, it’s pouring rain and traffic is terrible.

I don’t have the toddler excuse anymore. But I still have a snooze button, a dog, and a to-do list, so I have a lot of these can’t-catch-up days. I don’t seem to have enough time to do all that I need to do, yet I still try to squeeze it all in. I end up being late every step of the way.

God never has one of those days. Psalm 90 tells us that God has all the time in the world. Literally.

“Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.” (Psalm 90:1-2)

From everlasting to everlasting—can you imagine? The eternal existence of God is more than my finite brain can grasp.

But I know this: from everlasting to everlasting is a really, really long time. God never has to worry about accomplishing all He plans to do. He is never rushed, never running behind schedule, never cutting corners to catch up.

God is always right on time.

From our perspective, we sometimes feel that God could hustle a bit more. We’d like Him to heal our friend, provide a new job, or answer our questions—and if it would have been done yesterday, it wouldn’t have been too soon.

The reality is, God’s timing is always perfect. He isn’t bound by time, but rather He rules over it. He uses time to bring about His purposes in our lives, and it’s always just right.

No matter what you face this week, you can trust God’s perfect timing.

When You Struggle to Give Thanks {No Matter What Monday}

November 20, 2017 by Marissa Leave a Comment

I laid next to my sleeping husband and wondered if the next morning, Thanksgiving Day, he’d wake to find that I’d died during the night. My fear may have been exaggerated, but it wasn’t completely unreasonable. I ran a fever of over 102, and the number of white blood cells available to fight infection in my body was dangerously close to the number of hairs on my head: zero.

From the world’s perspective, I didn’t have much to be thankful for. I was stricken with a rare cancer, facing months of grueling treatment, bald, sick, fatigued, and scared.

And yet, these verses challenged my thinking:

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Some days, I didn’t feel like rejoicing. Chemo made my mind too foggy to pray. I struggled to find reasons to give thanks.

With great relief, I noticed the scripture doesn’t say, “Give thanks for all circumstances.” God didn’t ask me to give thanks for cancer—in fact, I believe He hates cancer, along with all the effects of this fallen world. He asked me to give thanks in all circumstances, and then He graciously enabled me to do so.

Maybe this year, giving thanks is a challenge for you. I’ve been there, and I’m sorry for your pain. When our life is a mess, our future uncertain, or our hearts broken, how can we give thanks in those circumstances?

God doesn’t ask us to wear a fake smile and humor Him with a Pinterest-inspired thankfulness craft. He hears our cries for rescue, restoration, and relief from our suffering. Then the Lord gently lifts our tear-stained faces and shows us He is with us. He cares for us, He is at work, and He can be trusted in our trials. Our Heavenly Father lovingly reminds us that He is the reason we give thanks in all circumstances.

No matter what you face this week, the Lord gives you a reason to give thanks in all circumstances.

Photo by Dan Musat on Unsplash

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