Psalm 23 Archives - Page 2 of 2

Facebook is a terrible way to learn a friend has died.

A heavy feeling settled in my chest as my newsfeed swarmed with strangers writing messages to Julie about shared memories.

When I saw the first “RIP,” I crumpled into a mess of tears.

Julie and I met in the radiation waiting room at MD Anderson Cancer Center. In May 2011, I reported to Waiting Room J each weekday at my assigned time. It didn’t take long to recognize the familiar faces of those with similar appointment times.

Julie struck up a conversation with me during my second week of radiation. She was about my age and recognized me from the 9th floor Sarcoma Center waiting room. (Cancer demands a lot of time in waiting rooms.) Although she was clearly in pain from the growing tumor in her leg, her smile was brilliant, shining from a face adorned with a spunky, color-streaked wig.

We bonded quickly over the chemotherapy regimen we’d both endured and the experience of being moms with cancer. We shared our life stories and cancer stories, and I learned that while chemo caused my tumor to shrink like a snowball in a frying pan, Julie’s tumor grew steadily and ominously.

We celebrated the end of Julie’s radiation, and she stood proudly beside me as I rang the bell at the end of mine. We planned to see each other when I returned to Houston six weeks later for surgery. But by then, Julie was gone.

I never found out exactly how she died. When you make friends in a radiation waiting room you don’t know each other’s people. I never met her friends or family. I had no one to grieve with, no one to share common memories with, no one to answer my questions about her final days. Did she suffer? Did she die in the hospital? Did she have enough warning to say good-bye to her son? I’ll never know.

I shared this piece over at (in)courage . . . a beautiful community of women seeking connection with each other as they follow Christ. I’d love for you to head over there to read the rest of the piece about my struggle to trust God in an answer-less place.

While you’re there, check out their site and subscribe to their daily emails–they are such an encouragement to me!

This week’s devotional is a guest post from Glenna Marshall. She’s one of my favorite writers, and I’d love for you to check out more of her writing over on her blog. She’s also just released her first album, Hold Fast, which is filled with beautiful music and biblical encouragement. We’re giving away a free digital download of her album on Instagram today–come check it out!

Of all the arguments I’ve had in my life, this one was a doozy.

I had jokingly attempted to play devil’s advocate with my friend, but it backfired when my pointed questions about life goals erupted into a full-blown fight about why she would achieve her goals NO MATTER WHAT.

I left the heated conversation wondering what I could have said differently about an obviously sore subject. I had only wanted to encourage her to keep her hands open.

In the past 13 years of infertility, illness, and broken dreams, I’ve learned to hold loosely to long term goals, so I worry when I see people I love white-knuckle their grip on a neatly planned future the way I did. The process of opening a tightly closed fist is a tough one, but sometimes God’s plans diverge starkly from our own. And that divine unclenching of our hands can be the course we need to walk in order to treasure Him more than any goal or accomplishment.

Though I’ve fought against the call to hold loosely many times, the truth is that my years of brokenness have turned up more joy and deep trust in the Lord than I could have ever drafted had I been the architect. Suffering and crushed hopes seem like the harder path. But Scripture teaches us that it is through suffering that we learn our Savior’s nearness and character. We may not understand His path, but there is safety in trusting the Shepherd. If God’s plans sometimes allow us to walk a shadowed valley, then we can see the gift of His rod and His staff, knowing with certainty that He is with us (Psalm 23).

No matter what you face this week, there is safety in trusting the Shepherd.

When You Don’t Have Any Answers {Guest post at (in)courage}

There is Safety in Trusting the Shepherd {No Matter What Monday}