Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

When a Melted Heart Meets the Gospel

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Have you ever watched as God worked in a loved one’s heart right before your eyes? As a mom, I have the honor of seeing the Lord at work in my children’s lives, usually gradually and more slowly than I would choose. But last week, I witnessed God’s handiwork unfold in a matter of minutes.

 

As I was busy making dinner, I handed down a small behavioral correction to my 6-year-old daughter. A few minutes later, I overheard her confess to the dog that she thought she might go to hell because of the mistake. I left the barbeque pork chops, called her to me, and pulled her onto my lap at the kitchen table. Then I asked, “How good do you think you need to be to go to heaven?”

 

She shrugged.

 

“Do you have to be really good? Just a little good? More good than bad?”

 

More shrugging.

 

“Darling, did you know that God says we have to be perfect to go to heaven?”

 

Disbelief crept onto her face, and she asked in a small voice: “Perfect?”

 

“Yes,” I answered, “God is holy. He cannot be in the presence of sin. We must be sinless and perfect to be with Him in heaven.”

 

It was not the first time I have spoken these words to her. We’ve talked about the gospel truths of our sinfulness and need for Christ over and over again. Most of the time, she seems uninterested, and I’ve been asking God to soften her heart.

 

He must’ve not just softened it, but completely melted it. Because this time, upon hearing that God demands perfection, my sweet daughter started weeping.

 

Tears streamed down her face and the sound of her wailing brought her brothers from opposite ends of the house to see what was wrong. I shooed them away and tried to soothe her.

 

“There’s more, Sarah Kate, there’s more,” I said, as I held her and rubbed her back.

 

Because God’s demand for perfection isn’t the end of the gospel story.

 

When she was quiet, I continued. I explained how Jesus lived a perfect life for her. He died for her, taking the punishment for her sin. He’s given her His record of perfection. If she is in Christ, when God looks at her, He doesn’t see her sin – He sees Christ’s perfection.

 

Once again, her eyes filled with tears. But these quiet tears were accompanied by a smile. The truth of the gospel moved her from hopelessness and despair to quiet rest. It is so sweet to trust in Jesus.

 

She gets it. She gets it. I pray that she will be filled every day with an awareness of Christ’s work on her behalf. And yet, I know that she will struggle. She will feel the weight of the world’s demands, of the expectations of others, of her own desire for perfection. She will be distracted by busyness, by worry, and by materialism.

 

I know this because I’m living it. And my prayer for her is my prayer for myself: that we will live each day in the freedom of the gospel, knowing that God’s demands have been met perfectly by our Savior.

 

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Cookies, Counting and the Cross

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Do you know the difference between a two-year-old and a three-year-old? A two-year-old will share her cookie with you. A three-year-old won’t.

 

Sometime around our third birthday, we learn that the quantity of the cookie is limited. We realize that giving part of our cookie to mommy means less cookie for us. And we’ve known for some time that less cookie for us is a very bad thing.

 

I think this understanding of limited quantities of desirable things can hinder us from understanding God’s grace and forgiveness. It’s hard to wrap our brains around a fountain of grace that never runs out . . . that never lessens later no matter how much I need now . . . that never lessens for me no matter how much you need.

 

I love these thoughts from The Valley of Vision, “Calvary’s Anthem”:

“At the cross there is free forgiveness 

       for poor and meet ones, 

       and ample blessings that last for ever; 

The blood of the Lamb is like a great river of infinite grace 

       with never any diminishing of its fullness as thirsty ones without

       number drink of it.” 

 

Can you imagine a river of infinite grace that never diminishes in fullness? We can never exhaust God’s grace and forgiveness. Christ accomplished this for us!

 

When my troubles exhaust my emotional resources and when my sin exhausts my spiritual resources, this truth brings great comfort – the resources of grace and forgiveness that I own in Christ will never run out.

 

My daughter likes to beat me in the “I Love You” game by saying she loves me to infinity. The other day, she confessed that she can’t count to infinity because she doesn’t know all the numbers. I told her that even if she did know a lot more numbers, she could never count to infinity.

 

Infinity means there is always one more number. And the reason there is always one more number is because we live in a world created by an infinite God. We can never get to the end of His numbers, and we can never get to the end of His grace.

 

“O Lord, for ever will thy free forgiveness live 

       that was gained on the mount of blood;

In the midst of a world of pain

       it is a subject for praise in every place, a song on earth, an anthem in

       heaven, its love and virtue knowing no end.”

– The Valley of Vision, “Calvary’s Anthem”

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Therefore

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Romans 12:1-2:  Therefore, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

Our pastor has been preaching through Romans.  It has been so good.  I think if I could only have one book out of the Bible, I’d pick Romans.  I could read every day about what a wretched sinner I am (Romans 1 and 3), how God chose to save me through the death of His Son, Jesus Christ (Romans 3:23-25, 5:8, 10:9), that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1), and that NOTHING can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38-39).

Last Sunday, we arrived at Romans 12.  The big “Therefore . . . ”  News as fabulous and life-changing as the Gospel requires a response.  And Romans 12 tells us that our response of gratitude for what God has done for us is to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice and be transformed by the renewing of our mind.

I’ve been thinking about these verses for a few days now and pondering how my mind needs some renewal.  When I first found out that I was cancer-free and finished with treatment, I was overflowing with joy.  Anyone who asked how I was doing would get an earful about all the wonderful things God had done.

But as time goes on, discontentment and anxiety start to creep in.  I stop being thrilled to have hair and start to envy the long, beautiful hair of others.  I look around me and feel jealous of those who don’t have to go to Houston every three months for a CT scan, who don’t have to think about cancer returning, and who blissfully assume they will hold their grandchildren someday.  I start to hold on tightly to my own plans instead of being thankful for today and trusting tomorrow to the Lord because He knows best.

I hate sin.  It is so ugly.  Especially mine.

When I read, “offer your bodies as living sacrifices,” it sounds like I need to give myself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, to the One who created me and His perfect will.  I need to say, “God, because I have received your mercy and grace in Christ, I know You are good and Your ways are perfect.  You can let this body be devoured by cancer or live 50 more years–whatever brings more glory to Your name.”  Do I have the courage to say that?  Some days I don’t, some days I do–only by the power of the Holy Spirit.

To offer my body as a living sacrifice, I need my mind to be renewed.  I’ve decided that when those envious or anxious thoughts creep in, I will focus my mind on something God has done to show His faithfulness to me, especially during my 9-month-long cancer battle.  I will choose not to be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed, so I can proclaim that God’s will is indeed good, pleasing and perfect.

To God be the glory.

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What If

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A year ago today, I was anxiously waiting for a biopsy that had been scheduled a few days later.  It is emotional for me to look back at those days right before my cancer diagnosis on October 25, 2010.  There is a temptation to dwell on it, as if I can somehow will it to turn out differently, to re-write history and get a phone call on that day that there was no cancer.  By grace alone, I am taking those thoughts captive and refusing to stay stuck on the “what-ifs.”

But it is an interesting question:  What would life look like today if it had been an infection like they originally thought?  What if that phone call on October 25 had gone the other way?  What if I had continued the antibiotic and gone on with my life?

What if I didn’t know just how much I truly have to be thankful for?

What if I didn’t understand the power of prayer and Scripture and the Holy Spirit to comfort you in the most dire of circumstances?

What if I didn’t realize how incredible my church family and friends are?

What if I was still driven by my to-do list and squeezing in quality time with my kids in between, instead of the other way around?

What if I didn’t know how many people love me and care about me?

What if I didn’t know to take time to make green slime and go for ice cream and say yes when they ask for just one more story?

What if I had never met our nanny or my Houston family or the oncology clinic staff or my cancer posse?

What if I was still oblivious to the needs of the sick and hurting in my community?

What if I weren’t committed to talking with my kids every day about God’s character and how we can trust Him?

I didn’t get to choose the outcome last October.  And that is definitely for the best, because I know I would have picked the easy road and missed out on all the blessings God had in store with the trial.  He planned each and every day for my good and His glory, and I am thankful.  I was reminded this week of a Charles Spurgeon quote that I heard somewhere back in the chemo fog, and it resonates with my experience:

“There is no greater mercy that I know of on earth than good health except it be sickness; and that has often been a greater mercy to me than health.  It is a good thing to be without a trouble; but it is a better thing to have a trouble, and know how to get grace enough to bear it.” 

Thank you, Lord, for each and every mercy you give, and the grace to bear those that are difficult.

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