There are many difficult aspects of life in Cancer World, even when you live there as someone who is blessed to be currently cancer-free.  For me, the quarterly check-ups are one of the most difficult parts.  When you’ve had cancer, especially one as aggressive as angiosarcoma, you know your cancer-free status can be snatched away at any time.  A lump, a symptom . . . the possibility is always lurking, but never as ominously as when you go for those scans.  I will make trips to Houston every three months for a CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis to check for a recurrence.  My scans are coming up soon.  And I’ll be honest, it is a struggle to keep the anxiety from taking over.

It feels like I’m standing on a beach.  The sand beneath my feet is my cancer-free life–being a normal mom who gets to drive her kids to school, go to Wal-mart, show up for stuff even when someone with a cold might be there, and take care of her family.  I can hear the waves of recurrence threatening to wipe my cancer-free life away, but it’s dark.  I have no idea whether I’m inches from those waves or whether they are way off in the distance.  I have no idea when the tide will roll in.  Will it come with this scan?  Or the next?  Or not for 20 years?  The darkness is what makes it so difficult.  If I could just see those waves, maybe I could get myself ready . . .

But then I realize that I’m not standing only on sand.  Beneath that sand is the Rock, and it cannot be washed away even by the most ferocious waves.  That Rock is Jesus Christ.  Hebrews 2:8 reminds us that everything is under His control.  And I John 3:16 reminds us that He loves me so much that He died for me.  That is one powerful, comforting combination.

This is the remedy for the anxiety that threatens to overwhelm me at times . . . God’s character and His promises to me.  He doesn’t promise that the waves won’t come.  But He promises to meet every one of my needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

I’m so thankful for that Rock.

If you would like to pray for me, please pray that the perfect peace of God would guard my heart and my mind and that my mind would be steadfast on Christ.  You can pray for comfort for me as I go through the CT scan and await the results, for wisdom for my doctors, and that my life would bring glory to Jesus Christ, my Rock and my Redeemer.

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