Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

Obedience

by 6 Comments

Disclaimer: This post is about my being obedient to what God is calling me to do for my children’s education. I do not mean to imply that everyone else should make the same decision that we are with regard to schools. Even if you live near me and are weighing the same options, I do not know what God is calling you to do or what is best for your family. I do not think it is wrong or unwise or selfish for other families to choose public school for their kids if that is where God calls them to be. In fact, I don’t think it would be good for all Christian families to flee from public schools. So as long as you promise not to take it the wrong way, read on . . .

Ever since Christopher hit the terrible twos, I have been looking forward to kindergarten. I imagined I would not be one of those weepy moms on the first day of kindergarten–I would be the one giving high-fives on the way to my minivan, embracing the well-deserved time I would have during the school day. Over a year ago, I learned about an educational option in our area that threatened that dream . . . a classical Christian academy that operates on the university model, which means the students attend school two days a week and do school at home the other three days. When I first heard about it, I thought, “no way–I am NOT a homeschooling mom!” After talking with other moms and hearing more about it, even before we moved here, I reluctantly prayed (just once) that God would change my heart if this was what He wanted us to do.

As the months passed, I was horrified to see that God did change my heart. I’ve always loved the classical education concept but continued to struggle with the two-day-a-week issue. But I started to see the many advantages of having my kids home those additional days–leisurely mornings, bonding time with their siblings, time for family worship, Scripture memory and the other things we want to teach them, etc. God even brought another family into our lives–now they are our close friends–who live in our neighborhood and are planning to send their children there as well (hooray for carpooling!). But in my flesh, I was not willing to commit.

Last Tuesday, after another “snow” (meaning there’s a little bit on the grass and the roads are a little slick) day at home and a frustrating attempt to teach Christopher handwriting, I sat Noel down for a little chat. Actually, it was more like a tirade. I told him that I needed those 5 days to myself. I’m just not cut out for homeschooling. I don’t know if it is a personality difference or if those moms who can do it are just more godly than me, but I’m in the Word and praying every day and just don’t know what else I can do! Basically, I told him that I knew it is what’s best for our kids, but I didn’t know if I could do it.

Then I went to BSF on Wednesday. (You see where this is going, right?) We were studying Matthew 19, talking about marriage, little children, and the rich young ruler. I settled in for a lecture that would make me feel really good about being married for 9 years and being certain I’ll never be divorced. The first words out of the teaching leader’s mouth were, “God will not tolerate selfishness. He will call you to give up yourself . . .” I’m sure there was more to that sentence, but I can’t remember. That was all it took for me to realize that God intended that message for me and for our school decision. Because I have known for months now what God wants me to do. I just didn’t want to give up something that has become an idol in my life: my time alone to do what I want to do. God is calling me to give that up for a season of my life to help educate my kids.

The rest of the lecture consisted of God making sure I hadn’t missed His message. Our teaching leader talked about bringing children to Christ, and how God will probably ask you to give something up in order to bring children to Him. She talked about the rich young ruler who was following all the rules, but in order to truly follow Christ, he had to give up that which was the most important to him. He wasn’t willing to do it, and he went away sad (and most importantly, without a relationship with Christ which leads to eternal life). I saw how much I am like the rich young ruler–I live a moral, religious life, but I want to hold on to certain aspects of my life and my selfish desires. Then after the lecture, I heard two moms of school-age children talking about how there’s just not time in their day for their family to worship or read the Bible together. By the time it was over, I wanted to shout, “Okay, Lord! I get it!”

So I have decided to obey. I have decided to trust God to provide what I need to follow this call and will ask for continued wisdom to make sure it is the right decision. It still hurts a little to sacrifice some things I want and to do something that most of society will find strange, but there is relief, peace and freedom in obedience.

As I continue to contemplate what happened last week, it occurred to me that I cannot think of another instance where I made a conscious decision to obey God in spite of my own selfish desires–just for the sake of obedience, not out of fear of disappointing others or some other consequence. I’m a little scared that for the past 31 years, I’ve been ignoring what He wants me to do and doing whatever I want to do. I’m enough of a rule-follower that my external behavior looks obedient, but I want to make sure I’m being obedient in the gray areas, the tough decisions, the more private heart matters. I encourage you to examine your heart for areas of disobedience. Ask God to show you areas in your life where you are following your own selfish desires . . . but make sure you’re ready, because if you ask Him, He’ll do it!

Share

What I Believe

by Leave a Comment

Last Sunday, Noel and I met with the elders of our church and officially became members. We were asked to either tell the story of how we became a Christian or give a profession of faith, that is, what we believe. I chose to give a profession of faith and decided to write it out, since I thought it would be a good exercise to really think everything through. So if you’ve ever read this blog and thought, “Where is this girl coming from?!?”–here it is:

I believe that the living, triune God of the Bible is my Creator, Ruler and Judge. He wrote His law on our hearts and revealed it to us in His Word. Any lack of conformity to or transgression of this law is sin, and the wages of sin is death. I am a sinner by nature and in thought, word and deed, rendering even my best attempts at pleasing God like filthy rags. I deserve nothing on my own merit other than God’s wrath and condemnation.

However, God, in His great mercy, chose me before the foundation of the world to be adopted as His daughter. Even though I was an enemy of God, He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to live a perfect life and die as an atoning sacrifice for my sin. By grace and through faith in Christ, His perfect record has been given to me, and I have been declared righteous in God’s sight. Since Christ met the righteous requirement of the law on my behalf, the law of the Spirit of life has set me free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Through Christ’s death and resurrection, God has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. I believe Jesus is coming again, and His sovereignty will be displayed as He rules over the new heaven and new earth as King. All men will be subject to God’s judgment, and those who are found to be in Christ will enjoy eternal life in God’s presence.

In response to this free gift of salvation, and by the power of the Holy Spirit which has been given to me, I strive to live a life worthy of my calling as a daughter of God. I want to walk more fully in the Spirit, setting my mind on the things of the Spirit rather than the things of the flesh.

I believe the Bible is the infallible, inspired Word of God. It is the final authority of all matters of doctrine and practice to which it speaks and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness (both mine and my children’s).

I believe that it is important to be a member of a church committed to sound doctrine and biblical worship, submitting myself to church discipline and using my gifts to build up Christ’s church.

Scripture references: Romans 2:12-16, Romans 6:23, Ephesians 1:3-10, Romans 8:2-4, Romans 4:23-25, Romans 5:18-21, Colossians 1:13-14, John 10:27-29, Philippians 1:27, Romans 8:5-6, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Hebrews 10:24-25

If you have questions or comments about any of this, please contact me. I’d love to discuss it with you further.

Share

Decreasing

by 1 Comment

It has been a long time since I’ve posted, in part because there are lots of different ideas wrestling around in my head and I’ve had trouble organizing them into coherence. I’ve also been dealing with sick children for what seems like ages, and so I’ve spent quite a bit of time feeling restless, exhausted, frustrated and full of self-pity–none of which are all that conducive to spiritual growth for me. I’m so thankful to be doing BSF, which requires me to spend time in the Word even when I want to forget it.

Last week when Christopher was feeling especially crummy, he asked me, “What is God doing to me?” I don’t know the answer for Christopher, but I know what God is doing to me–He is teaching me that I need to be decreasing so that He may increase. This idea came to me in my BSF notes a couple of weeks ago, and it needs some context, so let me back up a little.

Apparently, I am quite forgettable, and it drives me nuts. Countless people meet me, sometimes more than once, and then don’t remember me at all the next time they see me. There was one woman I knew who met me about 5 times (including one time she was in my home!) before she remembered that she knew me. But this idea of myself decreasing so that God may increase means that when people meet me and interact with me, they see Christ. It is not my reputation that increases, but God’s glory.

This is a really difficult one for me. When I meet people, I’d much rather they think how friendly or witty I am, how well-behaved my children are, or maybe even how nice I look. I want them to think I’m somebody worth knowing and to want to spend more time with me (or at least remember my name next week). If I’m going to point people to Christ, then I’d have to stop thinking about how memorable I am, how well-liked I am, how trendy my clothes are (or aren’t). And if my words and actions are those that would always bring glory to God, I could be seen as weird.

I think an idea that is closely tied to this is something our BSF teaching leader talked about last week: our citizenship in the kingdom of Heaven trumping our citizenship as Americans. (See Ephesians 2:19 and Philippians 3:20 if you’re not sure what I mean by citizenship in the kingdom of Heaven.) She said that kingdom citizens have no use for earthly gain, but only fight for eternal gain (that is, wanting others to see Jesus Christ). She also encouraged us to ask ourselves: Do my attitudes better reflect my heavenly citizenship or my American citizenship? Have I renounced the things of this world? Is Jesus more valuable to me than any earthly thing?

Honestly, I’d like to think I can hold on to earthly gain as long as Jesus is in the mix somewhere. That I don’t have to actually renounce the attitudes and priorities of our culture as long as I’m not as worldly as the person next door. That it is okay to store up earthly treasures for myself as long as I tithe.

But I suspect that if Jesus truly was more valuable to me than any earthly thing, those earthly things would be utterly without value to me. And I would boldly proclaim Christ to others without any thought of how they would remember me but with only the hope that they would remember Jesus. I would give myself daily in sacrificial service to my husband and kids because it isn’t me that is important. And I would see that God truly meets all my needs in the glorious riches of Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

I’ve got a long way to go, and I’m not 100% certain I want to take the journey. But I’m going to keep praying that God will change my heart to desire Him more than any other thing, that He would cause me to decrease so that He may increase, and that He would give me eyes to see how truly worthless are the things I’m tempted to chase after.

Share

Worship

by 3 Comments

Last week at BSF, our teaching leader talked about how God created every human to worship. Every day, all of us are worshiping something–either the God of the Bible or someone/something else (which is idolatry). She asked us a couple of questions: Who or what do you worship? And what would others who observe you say that you worship?

The first question is one that I’ve thought about before, but the second one really got me thinking about my kids. I spend about 10 hours every day being observed by my two little munchkins. Although they are too young to articulate it, I wonder what they would say about my worship if they could. Would they say Mommy worships the things of this world, or the one true God? Do they see me chasing after the approval of others and materialistic things? Or do they see me in constant communion with my Savior? Am I worshiping myself, my desires, my comfort? Or I am making daily sacrifices to live a life that brings glory to God? I’m afraid the answers are very convicting. And seeing it through the eyes of my kids, I know that the object of my worship is not only impacting my spiritual life, but my kids’ understanding of a God-honoring life as well.

A few more things about my Grandpa’s passing (see post below) . . . spending time sharing stories and celebrating his life last week left me feeling so thankful for his legacy of faith in our family. I found out that the Scripture passage he was reading when he died was Psalm 145. The psalmist is praising God for His wonderful works and telling others of God’s greatness and majesty. I especially like verses 4-5:

4 One generation shall commend your works to another,
and shall declare your mighty acts.
5 On the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.

God has given us all the responsibility to tell the next generation about Him. My Grandpa certainly did his part. I hope that someday my kids and grandkids will say the same about me. And verse 5 gives me the key: I must be constantly meditating on God’s wondrous works, the foremost of which would be the work of Christ on the cross. If I am, my praise and thanks will overflow with a contagious joy that will point my kids to God. It is a lofty goal, for sure, but Grandpa showed me it can be done.

Share