facebook Archives - Marissa Henley

Six Questions to Ask Before Posting on Social Media

March 9, 2015 by Marissa Leave a Comment

We’ve all done it. The social media post we wish we could take back. That post that was misunderstood or misinterpreted. The one we didn’t expect to be taken the way it was. The post that hurt someone else, whether intentional or not. Or perhaps you are a reader, not a post-er, and you’ve been the one to be hurt by someone else’s words.

As my oldest child enters his tween years, I’ve started thinking about how we will teach him about social media. It’s crucial that he understands that the internet is forever. Like words that are spoken, you cannot take it back. Except in this case, those regretful words or photos are spoken to many people. Before a post can be deleted, it can be saved or forwarded by others, further extending the impact.

It doesn’t take long to realize the weightiness of this issue for our children. And it doesn’t take much longer to realize that this weightiness should apply to my own habits on social media.

I want my words and actions online to honor the Lord. And I believe that requires an intentional evaluation of our state of mind, motives, and purpose before posting something that can reach hundreds of people in a matter of minutes and cannot be taken back. So I wrote out a list of questions to use before posting something on the internet. I hope this list will cause me to slow down and prevent me from posting things that do not glorify the Lord and bring about good for His people.

This list is for me. But since I hope I am not the only one trying to approach this crazy world of social media from a biblical and loving perspective, I thought I’d share it as food for thought.

1. Are you upset, angry, exhausted or overwhelmed?

If so, you are much more likely to post something you’ll regret. Take your emotions to the Lord. Talk to a friend. Now is not the time to share your mind with hundreds of people who barely know you.

2. Would you say this in front of a room full of people?

The internet distances us from our audience. We can’t see them. We don’t even know who is there. That distance brings a false sense of security and removes filters that would be in place if we were talking with them in person. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying this out loud in front of an auditorium of 700 of your friends, family and those random people you vaguely remember from junior high, then you probably shouldn’t say it online.

3. Are you trying to communicate something to a specific person(s)?

This is a temptation, I know. Speaking difficult things to people we know is uncomfortable, and it seems easier to communicate indirectly using social media. But it is not a good idea. Let’s communicate directly with the people in our lives.

4. Does this post involve another person?

If so, do you have their permission? If not, get that first. And if the thought of asking them makes you squirm, you probably have no right to post this anyway.

5. Have you examined your motives for posting?

I realize that we can’t foresee all the ways our posts might impact someone else. But do you know in your heart that your post is intended to make others jealous? Does your post lump a group of people (say, those who disagree with you politically) into a single category and call them names? Are your motives in agreement with Christ’s command to love others as you love yourself? Or are you loving yourself only?

6. Is your post true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy? Will it benefit those who see it?

God’s Word gives us this checklist in Philippians 4:8 and Ephesians 4:32. As a follower of Christ, I want my thoughts, words and actions – including those that occur online – to demonstrate obedience to His commands. He gives us these guidelines for our own good and for the good of those around us. I can love God and love others by considering these things before I speak.

Please don’t unfriend me – I am not in a position to judge your posts! I am guilty of posting things I shouldn’t, and I know I will be again in the future. I rejoice that God’s grace is greater than all our sins! But I hope that as brothers and sisters in Christ, or as friends who want the best for each other, we can encourage each other to use the internet for good and for God’s glory.

Now excuse me while I see what your toddlers are getting into today on Instagram. Because I definitely enjoy seeing that mess all over your kitchen floor!

iPhone Detox Plan

May 21, 2012 by Marissa 3 Comments

Last week I wrote a confession about my iPhone addiction and how it is negatively impacting my parenting. Since then, I’ve struggled a bit with how to write this post about the changes I’ve made. I don’t want it to come across as boastful. “Look at me! I’m supermom! I’ve deleted all my fun apps, and so should you, or you’ll never be as great a mom as me!” This is not the statement I’m trying to make. One of my purposes for this blog is that it exalts the name of Jesus Christ, not me.

So I want to start by saying that these are some rules I have imposed on myself because this little rectangular screen has become an idol. Rules that I need because, despite spending months away from my kids battling a rare cancer that still threatens to take me from them someday, I often choose meaningless entertainment over spending these fleeting days and years wisely with the children whom God has entrusted to me.

Not exactly anything to boast about, right? I didn’t think so. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here is my iPhone Detox Plan.

Here’s a BEFORE shot of my iPhone:

I realized that every time I turn on my phone to make a call or answer a text, I see those tempting little numbers by my email or Facebook or Words With Friends. So reflexively, I tap to see who likes my status or how badly my grandmother is beating me at Words. (Embarrassing, but true.) Next thing I know, my six-year-old is talking to me, and I’m giving him the I’m-checking-facebook-and-pretending-to-be-listening-”uh-huh.”

(Side note: My six-year-old feels the need to tell me pretty much everything he thinks, all day long. Ten years from now, it will really come in handy if he still wants to do this. So I should probably PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND LISTEN NOW.)

To fight against these distracting little numbers, I decided to hide them on the third screen of my iPhone. This is what my home screen looks like now:

Very boring, right? I can call, text, look up a Bible verse, take a picture, check my calendar or to-do list, and renew library books. (Not that the Bible is boring. But you get the point.)

And if I want to browse Pinterest, check email, or play a game? I have to swipe all the way to the third screen and open a folder titled “Are Kids There?” How’s that for conviction?? These apps are all off-limits if my kids are around.

Here is the rest of my iPhone Detox Plan:

1. I’m not carrying my phone around in my pocket anymore. It stays on the kitchen counter, and I check it periodically. If someone needs something urgent, they can call my home phone. This eliminates the temptation to answer calls or texts while reading to my kids or to check email every five minutes when I get bored.

2. When I’m out with my kids, my phone stays in my purse. This applies to spending time with friends and date nights with Noel whenever possible. No more Pinterest at the park.

3. When I’m driving, my phone stays in my purse. My bluetooth lets me know if I get a call and who it’s from. I can even answer it hands-free if needed. No more texting at stoplights! I’ve asked my kids to hold me accountable on this one.

4. I’m trying to reduce talking on the phone while driving with my kids and spend that time chatting with them while I have a captive audience.

5. Unless it is a special situation, I am no longer answering call-waiting. The person I’m talking to is important and deserves my attention. (This doesn’t have anything to do with my kids or my iPhone. But it’s part of life in 1982 that I miss–the ability to talk to just one person at a time.)

6. My husband and I have decided that 6-8 p.m. will be phone-free and computer-free time in our home. We are not militant about it, but we are trying to be more aware and really devote those hours to spending time together as a family. I’m much more likely to read one more bedtime story if I know I can’t use my laptop for another 20 minutes anyway.

As I mentioned earlier, I have already broken these rules a few times. I’m amazed at how reflexively I reach for my back pocket, how often I wonder if I have any email, how I feel compelled to read every text message within five seconds of hearing that chime.

Let’s be honest. I am a housewife. None of my emails are urgent. But these kids are growing up at lightening speed, and in a few years, they won’t want to talk to me or play Monopoly with me or tell me every detail of the Magic Tree House book they just read. That’s the urgent stuff, and I want my minute-to-minute choices to reflect that.

If you have felt convicted about technology use or another distraction in your life, what changes are you making? Will you leave a comment and let me know?

To God be the glory.

“Hang Up and Drive”: Motherhood Edition

May 14, 2012 by Marissa 1 Comment

Hello, my name is Marissa, and I am an iPhone addict.

I’ve known something was not right for awhile now. I’ve tried putting away the laptop on the days my kids are home, but that didn’t seem to be enough. Then recently, a friend shared this post from Hands Free Mama on Facebook. Reading it was like getting hit in the gut. It’s got me thinking about how truly enslaved I am to my electronic devices, especially my iPhone.

“Enslaved? Really, Marissa? That’s a little overboard.”

But think about it . . .

Can you go out to lunch with a friend for an hour, put your phone in your purse on silent and not even think about checking it? Or do you worry that your husband might need something or your kid might puke at preschool?

Can you wait until you get ALL THE WAY home to check that text message, or do you grab your phone at the stoplight? And of course, once you’ve read it, can you really keep that person waiting 20 minutes until you reply?

Can you leave your phone in the car while you take your kids to the park? Or do you need something to entertain you while you sit on a bench or push them on the swings? (Of course, if you just got a text, they will have to wait for that push. You can’t push and text. I’ve tried.)

How many times have you jumped up from reading a book to your kids because your phone summoned you with it’s little chime?

A week ago, my answers to these questions were embarrassing. My eyes have been opened to my need for constant communication, my desire for interaction and entertainment, and the pressure I feel to be accessible to everyone at every moment. And my kids are paying the price.

If you are my age or older, you remember a time when we all had those devices with the spiral cords hanging on our walls at home. They didn’t have answering machines or call waiting or caller ID. If you wanted to talk to someone, and they were at the grocery store or outside getting their mail or already talking to someone else, you had to call back later.

My mom never worried that the world might fall apart while she was at the grocery store. She never had to make a decision about who was more important: the person she was already talking to, or the person calling in on call-waiting. When she took me to the park, she wasn’t checking Facebook or playing Words With Friends. She didn’t have a contact list of hundreds of interesting people she could chat with while she drove me around town.

I’m planning a throw-back to 1982, y’all. My kids deserve my full attention, and I don’t want to miss out on these years that they actually want to talk or play with me. I refuse to let this little screen rule my life.

Stay tuned for my iPhone detox plan . . .