Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

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Supporting a Friend With Cancer {A Series of Guest Posts}

September 1, 2016 by Marissa Leave a Comment

Do you have a go-to website for local information? If you live in my neck of the woods, you should know about www.nwamotherlode.com. It’s a fabulous resource for busy moms! Over the past few months, the sweet ladies at NWA Motherlode have allowed me to share articles with their readers about how to support a friend with cancer. Here are excerpts of the four posts and links to read more . . . go check them out!

Three Easy Ways to Support Your Friend Diagnosed With Cancer

Has this happened to you? Your phone buzzes, and you look down to see a call from a friend who’s expecting biopsy results.

The minute you hear her voice, you know: it’s cancer.

As you process your shock, sadness and fear, you wonder how you should walk this road with your friend. How will you support her as she endures treatment and survivorship? How will you avoid doing or saying the wrong thing? What does she need most?

I’ve gotten that phone call from a friend. I’ve also been the tearful voice on the other end of the line. In October 2010, I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called angiosarcoma.

I endured several months of chemotherapy, radiation and surgery, most of which took place at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. My besties kept my household running, meals showed up three times a week, and the prayers of thousands encouraged and sustained me.

I wish every cancer-fighter could feel as loved and supported as I was. But too often, friends lack confidence and hesitate to reach out with supportive words and actions. If you haven’t already had a friend face cancer, it’s likely you will.

When that phone call comes, here are three simple ways to love your friend through cancer . . . [Click here to read more]

 


 

Five Practical Ways to Serve a Friend With Cancer

In a previous post, we discussed three ways to support a friend with cancer. Your friend needs your constant encouragement throughout her cancer journey. She also needs your practical acts of service.

Being diagnosed with cancer is like landing an unexpected full-time job. The work seems unending, and the pay stinks! Your friend probably didn’t have much free time before her diagnosis. Now she’s going to spend half her time in doctors’ waiting rooms and the other half sleeping off the treatment she receives there.

In other words, she needs your help.

Here are some ideas to consider as you serve your friend through her cancer treatment . . .[Click here to read more]

 


 

Beyond the Casserole: How to Take a Meal to a Sick Friend like a Rock Star

In previous posts in this series, we’ve looked at ways to provide emotional support and practical service for a friend with cancer. Close, inner-circle friends will care for most emotional and logistical needs, but those in the outer circles also wonder how they can help.

Even if you aren’t besties with your friend who has cancer, you still have a role to play in her support network.

You have three responsibilities:

1. Pray.

2. Communicate support.

3. Bring food.

If you’ve been an adult for awhile, you’ve probably taken a meal to a new mom. But the needs of women with cancer are different. You’re not dropping in on a smiling (but exhausted) woman cradling a newborn—in fact, you may not see your friend with cancer at all when you deliver a meal. Your friend’s family may be receiving meals for several months, not just a few weeks. She may have strict dietary restrictions or preferences that need to be considered. When you take dinner, you have an opportunity to love your friend well and show your concern.

Here are some ideas for those who want to take a meal like a rock star . . . [Click here to read more]


 

Why Your Cancer-Surviving Friend Still Needs You (And How You Can Help)

I’ve lived through the scene several times: I sit across from a cancer survivor who recently finished treatment. We wrap our hands around our lattes and lean in close so the guy in the next booth won’t hear our discussion of post-mastectomy life.

And then she says, “Everyone around me thinks I’m better. They’ve all moved on. But I’m not okay. I need my friends to understand I’m still struggling.”

If you’re friends with a cancer survivor, she still needs you. Here are some thoughts to keep in mind as you support her through her survivorship . . . [Click here to read more]

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Why Sometimes I Don’t Say God is Good {No Matter What Monday}

August 22, 2016 by Marissa Leave a Comment

Psalm 145-7

I have a love-hate relationship with the phrase “God is good.”

I believe God is good, and I believe it’s important to acknowledge His goodness. But sometimes I hesitate to say, “God is good.”

When something fantastic happens and I respond with “God is so good,” is there an unspoken implication that if it had gone the other way, He wouldn’t be good? Or He wouldn’t be as good? Or He wouldn’t be as good in this situation?

This unspoken implication exists because we don’t typically proclaim God’s goodness when sharing bad news. When was the last time you saw a Facebook status that said, “Devastated by the news I didn’t get the job – God is sooooo good! #Blessed”

I hesitate to say “God is good” when I’m celebrating because I know I might not say it if I was grieving. Confessing God’s goodness isn’t my knee-jerk reaction on bad days. I may be aware of His comfort and peace, but His goodness doesn’t dominate my thoughts about God in those moments. Maybe you feel the same way?

And yet, God is good. All the time. In all circumstances, God deals with His children according to His unwavering goodness and steadfast love. We can proclaim His goodness with our happy news as well as our disappointments. When we suffer, His goodness is just as true. And we need to be reminded of His goodness even more in hardship than in good times.

I want to be like the generations of God’s people described by the psalmist in Psalm 145:7: “They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.”

I’m going on the record right now: God is good all the time. When good things happen, I’ll pour forth the fame of His abundant goodness to me, and simply say, “God is good.”

Because saying “God is good, but let’s all be clear on the fact that He is good even when the bad things happen” . . . well, that’s just awkward.

No matter what you face this week, God is abundantly good to you.

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God Heals Broken Hearts {No Matter What Monday}

August 15, 2016 by Marissa Leave a Comment

Ps 34-18 (2)

The Great Breakup of January 1991 swept through Woodland Junior High like a social earthquake. One couple after another toppled, and it seemed no one was immune. Even the long-term couples couldn’t withstand its force. When it was over, all that remained of the junior high dating culture was a bunch of brokenhearted adolescent girls, including me.

At the time, most of us who were dumped thought it was the most horrible heartbreak of our lives. But 25 years later that pain pales in comparison to the heartbreak we know as adults. We watch friends endure illness, job loss, divorce, death. We experience pain and loss ourselves. If we’re paying any attention to the world around us, heartbreak is everywhere.

When sadness threatens to crush us, there is a place for us to seek comfort: in the arms of our Heavenly Father. He cares for our broken hearts. He sees our pain and surrounds us with His love and peace. He will never leave us alone with our sadness. We can trust Him to lovingly mend our lives back together when the destruction of grief blasts through.

This truth isn’t a platitude that sounds nice but has no real power. And it isn’t a band-aid that we put on our grief that makes it all feel better. Grief and loss is still painful, even with the Lord. But as we run to Him with our broken hearts, He gently takes our pain, heals our wounds, and gives us the strength to go on. We can face our grief without despair because we belong to the One who heals broken hearts. And we know that one day, there will be no more broken hearts when we are with Him in heaven (Revelation 21:4).

Psalm 34:18: The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

No matter what you face this week, our Heavenly Father heals broken hearts.

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When You’re Weary and Waiting

June 10, 2016 by Marissa 2 Comments

weary and waitingA few weeks ago, I learned something about myself as I stood in the checkout line at Kohl’s.

 

My daughter and I got in line behind a man who was already checking out, so I figured it would be quick. But then the cashier started pressuring him to open a Kohl’s charge account, promising a significant discount on his pile of dress shirts.

 

I tried to keep a pleasant expression on my face as the customer told her he already had a Kohl’s card and she began several failed attempts to locate his account. She continued to pitch the new account, and he repeatedly said “no thanks.” My mood soured. I tried not to glare at both of them.

 

As he decided to fill out the credit card application, I no longer bothered to hide my annoyance. I sighed and rolled my eyes and commiserated with my daughter about how long it was taking. And let’s not even talk about my reaction when his application was denied. (Imagine several wailing-face emojis here.)

 

When it was finally my turn to check out, I was struck with conviction. The swell of impatience, frustration and even anger in my heart in those few minutes made it clear: I stink at waiting.

 

At Kohl’s, I knew I would eventually pay for my items and leave the store. But often when we wait on the Lord, we don’t know if or when we will ever receive what we’re waiting for. It’s hard to wait with no end in sight.

 

Right now I’m waiting for my house to sell. I decluttered and staged and now all I can do is wait. After a few weeks, the waiting led to irritability, and irritability led to grumpiness that spilled over into my relationships. Did I mention I stink at waiting?!

 

After a few days of snapping at every thoughtful friend who asked about the house-selling endeavor, I turned to God’s Word for help. This is what I found:

 

The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. (Lamentations 3:25-26)

 

The Lord is good. The first truth we see in this verse is that we can trust the Lord to give us good things, in His good timing, according to His good plans. Waiting becomes easier when I understand that His plans are always good, even when they are different from my plans. He is God, and I am not.

 

The Lord is always good, and He is always good to me. I believe it, but often when I’m waiting, I forget to act like I believe it. My impatience results from lack of belief in God’s goodness and faithfulness to me. I must constantly remind myself that God is good in every situation.

 

What is my soul seeking? The second step to waiting well is to seek the Lord for who He is, not just the blessings He gives. What consumes my thoughts? What excites or upsets me? The answer to these questions reveals what my soul is seeking.

 

When my heart is consumed by the object I’m waiting for, I will be disappointed, unfulfilled and discontent. If my heart’s desire is for the Lord, I will be satisfied. It is a constant struggle to turn my heart from what I want and seek the Lord. A heart that seeks the Lord can wait quietly.

 

Thank Him for what He’s given. When I struggle with waiting, I’m usually focused on what I don’t have rather than what I’ve already been given. The Lord has given me all I truly need: salvation by grace through faith in His Son.

 

As I plead with Him for my desires and ask Him to end my waiting, I need to remember that what I’m asking for pales in comparison to the grace and mercy I’ve already received. Romans 8:32 reminds us that God, who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will also graciously give us all things.

 

I don’t know if my house will sell. But I know God is the giver of good things. When my heart seeks the Lord, I can be content. And I can wait quietly, knowing that the One who gave His Son for me will give me all that I need.

 

What are you waiting for? How can these steps bring peace to your waiting time? Try turning Lamentations 3:25-26 into a prayer that you can pray to God as you wait on Him.

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I write to remind myself of the truth of God's promises. I share my writing here in case you need to be reminded sometimes, too.

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