A year ago today, I was anxiously waiting for a biopsy that had been scheduled a few days later. It is emotional for me to look back at those days right before my cancer diagnosis on October 25, 2010. There is a temptation to dwell on it, as if I can somehow will it to turn out differently, to re-write history and get a phone call on that day that there was no cancer. By grace alone, I am taking those thoughts captive and refusing to stay stuck on the “what-ifs.”
But it is an interesting question: What would life look like today if it had been an infection like they originally thought? What if that phone call on October 25 had gone the other way? What if I had continued the antibiotic and gone on with my life?
What if I didn’t know just how much I truly have to be thankful for?
What if I didn’t understand the power of prayer and Scripture and the Holy Spirit to comfort you in the most dire of circumstances?
What if I didn’t realize how incredible my church family and friends are?
What if I was still driven by my to-do list and squeezing in quality time with my kids in between, instead of the other way around?
What if I didn’t know how many people love me and care about me?
What if I didn’t know to take time to make green slime and go for ice cream and say yes when they ask for just one more story?
What if I had never met our nanny or my Houston family or the oncology clinic staff or my cancer posse?
What if I was still oblivious to the needs of the sick and hurting in my community?
What if I weren’t committed to talking with my kids every day about God’s character and how we can trust Him?
I didn’t get to choose the outcome last October. And that is definitely for the best, because I know I would have picked the easy road and missed out on all the blessings God had in store with the trial. He planned each and every day for my good and His glory, and I am thankful. I was reminded this week of a Charles Spurgeon quote that I heard somewhere back in the chemo fog, and it resonates with my experience:
“There is no greater mercy that I know of on earth than good health except it be sickness; and that has often been a greater mercy to me than health. It is a good thing to be without a trouble; but it is a better thing to have a trouble, and know how to get grace enough to bear it.”
Thank you, Lord, for each and every mercy you give, and the grace to bear those that are difficult.Share