Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

  • Books
    • After Cancer
    • Loving Your Friend Through Cancer
  • Speaking
  • Blog
    • Videos
    • Guest appearances
    • No Matter What Monday
    • Cancer
    • Family
    • Faith
  • Free Ebook
  • About

“When Your Friend Has Cancer” ~ Check out this guest post!

May 2, 2016 by Marissa Leave a Comment

When your friend has cancer (1)Today I’m thankful for an opportunity to share on my husband’s cousin’s blog. Lisa Lloyd is a writer, actor, speaker, and upcoming author. We are eagerly awaiting the release of her first book! In the meantime, she writes inspiring, heartfelt words on faith, forgiveness and motherhood.

 

Here’s a preview of my post on her website. Check it out and read some of Lisa’s posts while you’re there!

 

Five years ago, I was a young mom of three when I first heard the words: “It’s cancer.” I was standing alone in my bedroom, but I wasn’t alone for long.

 

Within hours, a few family members and friends came over and joined me in my shock and grief. The next day—my 34th birthday—a larger group of friends gathered for a surprise birthday party full of tearful prayers. And over the coming months, a multitude of supporters sustained our family with love, prayers and service.

 

My battle against angiosarcoma, a rare and aggressive cancer with a grim prognosis, involved months of high-dose chemotherapy, a clinical trial at MD Anderson Cancer Center, radiation, and surgery. I spent 14 weeks away from my family receiving treatment in Houston and fighting to see my children grow up.

 

Our logistical, emotional and spiritual needs seemed overwhelming. And yet, God met all of our needs, often through our friends’ sacrificial service. My friends loved us so well that I’ve written a book to share my friends’ example with other women and equip them to support their friends with cancer.

 

I hope that you never need to know how to love a friend through cancer. But it’s likely that at some point, you will. So here are a few tips I learned from my friends about how to support someone with cancer.

 

Finish reading on Lisa’s blog by clicking here! 

 

Share

10 Ways to Pray for Your Friend with Cancer

March 17, 2016 by Marissa 4 Comments

10 ways to pray

(The following is an excerpt from my book, Loving Your Friend Through Cancer.)

During one of the most difficult times in my treatment for cancer, my friend Sarah had a dream that she shared with me. Here is her description of the dream, in her own words:

“We were in a very large cathedral-style church. The pews were packed with people, some I recognized from church, but many I did not recognize at all. Everyone was praying and writing. They were writing their prayers. At the front of the church the stage was some sort of hospital room and you were lying on a table with doctors and nurses bustling around you. I talked to one woman who said, ‘I don’t know Marissa personally, but I’m honored to be here to pray for her.’ I was amazed at the outpouring of prayer for you and your healing. Everyone was giving you their prayers after they wrote them down as they left the church. I peeked at some of the letters and they all began with praise to God by worshiping his Name (mighty God, everlasting Father, omniscient, all-powerful, etc., just like we’ve learned from Isaiah). SO AWESOME.”

Her dream was an encouragement to me at a time of intense struggle and sorrow, because I knew it accurately depicted what was happening before the throne of the almighty God. Thousands of people were interceding on my behalf, including many I have never met. I regularly received cards from strangers saying they were praying for me. I received dozens of small yellow postcards from the prayer room of a church in Tennessee, letting me know someone had prayed for me. I still don’t know who put my name on that prayer list in Tennessee, but I am thankful.

Nothing is as powerful as bringing your friend before the throne of her creator and redeemer. Interceding on her behalf before the Lord of the universe is one of the greatest gifts you can give her. Long after the doctors tell her she’s cancer-free, keep your friend on your list for frequent prayer. And if the Lord calls your friend home to heaven, keep fervently praying for her loved ones.

Let your friend know you are praying for her on a regular basis. But please don’t just say it flippantly—do it! Your prayers for your friend not only benefit her as you intercede for her, but they will also benefit you as the Lord works in your heart in the midst of your own grief.

Pray for healing for your friend, of course. But don’t stop there. Here are some additional ways to pray for your friend.

  1. Pray for her to feel the closeness of the Lord as he strengthens, sustains, and comforts her (Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 62:1-2, Psalm 63:5-8).
  2. Pray for wisdom for friends and family members to support and encourage her in ways she needs the most (James 1:5).
  3. Pray against the feeling of isolation—physically, emotionally, and spiritually (Joshua 1:9, Hebrews 13:5b, Psalm 42, Psalm 56:8).
  4. Pray for wisdom in making medical decisions so that the patient, family members, and doctors will not have any regrets (Psalm 112:7-8).
  5. If she’s married, pray for God to strengthen her marriage and deepen her connection with her husband, and that she will look to the Lord to meet her needs when her husband falls short (Ephesians 5:22-23).
  6. Pray that she would develop a deep and abiding trust in the Lord, not placing her hope in a particular outcome, but wholly in God’s character—his sovereignty, goodness, and faithfulness to her specifically in this situation (Isaiah 43, Jeremiah 31:3, Romans 8:38-39).
  7. Pray that she will feel free to ask for help and support when she needs it, claiming the promise that God will meet all her needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
  8. Pray for joy and peace as she grieves the loss of her health and her “before cancer” expectations for her life, and that she will not be anxious about the future (Romans 15:13, Lamentations 3:21-24, Philippians 4:6-8).
  9. Pray that she will not waste her suffering, but be transformed and sanctified through the experience of suffering for God’s glory (Romans 8:28-29, Romans 12:1-2).
  10. Pray that God will prepare her to comfort others with the comfort she is now receiving (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

You’ve just read one of the chapters of my book, Loving Your Friend Through Cancer.  Want to learn more?

Share

Please don’t say THIS when someone tells you they have cancer

February 11, 2016 by Marissa 2 Comments

Please don't say THIS

 

Hey friend, can we have a chat about how you respond when someone tells you that they are a cancer fighter or survivor? This might make you cringe, or hurt your feelings, but whatever you do, please don’t call and apologize if you’ve said this to me. I have chemobrain, and all is forgotten (and forgiven).

 

This is a grace-filled conversation for your benefit and for the benefit of those you will meet in the future. I love my cancer-fighting brothers and sisters, and I want to help you respond to them with the love and support they need. So I’m having this hard conversation out of love for you and for them.

 

Here we go . . .

 

I’ve noticed that many times when I tell people I had cancer, their first question goes something like this: “How did you find out you had it? Did you have symptoms? Did you find a lump?”

 

I understand this reaction. I know I’ve reacted the same way when I’ve heard about someone else’s suffering. For most of us, our first response is to any piece of news is to wonder how it relates to ourselves.

 

If you wonder how I know this, it is because I am the most selfish person on this planet. I relate everything to myself. God is working on me in this, but I’ve got a long way to go. In the meantime, I get it. I understand why people respond this way to the news that a healthy, 34-year-old mom could suddenly be plagued by a rare, life-threatening disease.

 

But when I have this interaction with someone, it feels like this conversation happened:

 

Me: “I went through something hard. It was life-changing and difficult. It still affects me. I’m bringing you into my pain by sharing this with you.”

 

The Other Person: “I’m scared of this hard thing happening to me. What if it’s happening now, and I don’t realize it? Holy crap! I’m doing monthly self-exams. Please tell me that you weren’t, so I can feel better.”

 

Listen, I don’t want you worrying about the times you have responded this way to someone’s cancer story, especially if it was mine. (I seriously don’t remember.)

 

But now that you know, you can respond differently next time. I want my cancer-fighting sisters to have you hear their story and respond with love and compassion.

 

When someone tells you they have/had cancer, first have the “holy-crap-I-hope-that-doesn’t-happen-to-me” moment inside your head. Then focus on the person who has just shared their pain and show your concern for their current well-being.

 

If the diagnosis is recent, you could ask them how they’re feeling today, how they’re coping with the news, or how they are feeling about the next steps. If their story is in the past, ask them how they’ve grown or changed as a result, how their health is today, or what they’d like others to know about their experience.

 

Thanks for helping to love our cancer-fighters better. It’s a tough road to navigate, and we need to stick together. They deserve our very best support!

Share

I Never Could Have Survived Cancer Without This One Thing

October 25, 2015 by Marissa 1 Comment

red-heart-1574051

Five years ago today, I first heard the words: “It’s cancer.” I was standing alone in my bedroom, but I wasn’t alone for long.

Within hours, a few family members and friends came over and joined me in my shock and grief. The next day – my 34th birthday – a larger group of friends gathered for a surprise birthday party full of prayers and tears. And over the coming months, a multitude of supporters came together with love, prayers and service that sustained us. The Lord used these people to demonstrate His daily care for us. I’m positive that I never could have survived cancer without this community.

In fact, I didn’t survive cancer. We survived cancer.

One of the most impactful stories of support during my illness occurred the week after my diagnosis. My husband tried to persuade me to seek a second opinion at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, but the logistical challenges overwhelmed me. I told him, “Maybe if we had a private jet, we could make that work. But I just can’t imagine how I could go to a doctor in another state when I can barely make it to a hair appointment across town.”

Within two hours of that statement, a family friend offered the use of their private plane for our initial appointments at MD Anderson.

That moment is not only an example of the generosity of our community. It was also the moment that I realized God was going to meet each and every one of our needs, just as He had promised. He used an army of friends, family, acquaintances, and even strangers to provide tangible, emotional, and spiritual support as we battled for my health and for my life.

Most of you don’t have a private plane that you could loan me. But you gave what you could – a meal, a prayer, a card in the mail, a ride for my kids – and God weaved your thread of support along with thousands of others into a beautiful tapestry that provided for all our needs. I know it’s cliche, but it’s so true: we couldn’t have done it without you.

At the risk of leaving someone out, I want to describe all that was done for us during those months. As I celebrate five years of surviving angiosarcoma, I can’t think of a better way to mark this day than to acknowledge all of you who loved us through my illness.

I hope you’re comfortable, because if this were the Oscars, they’d never get me off the stage. We were well-loved, as you’re about to see. And I hope it will inspire you to love someone who is hurting in a way you might not have thought of before.

Our family and friends provided endless support. My husband, parents and in-laws made constant sacrifices to care for me and the kids. Lynette kept my kids often, drove them to school and piano lessons, and took care of countless details I was only vaguely aware of. Becky drove my kids to school and spent hours on the phone with me when I was lonely in Houston. The two of them also did my grocery shopping. Rachel organized a “Scripture shower,” asking others to send me notecards with Scripture and other encouragement. Staci, Anna, Marilyn and other friends called and texted me often to encourage me.

Allyson coordinated several months of meals and decorated our home for Christmas. Jenny cleaned our house regularly. Callie faithfully showed up every Tuesday morning to take Will to preschool. Alison made gingerbread houses with my kids at Christmas. Ginny and Alyse were our go-to babysitters, and an anonymous friend paid Ginny whenever she was at our house. (I know who you are, Anonymous Friend!)

Then I started spending two out of every three weeks in Houston. Penny left a stable job with benefits to take a leap of faith as our nanny. She loved our children well during a painful time for our family. During my first stay in Houston, Sara picked me up at the airport and helped me find housing. On my second stay, I met Greg and Blair, and I’ll never forget the day Blair asked if I would stay with them from then on. We both cried a little as I agreed – I was already starting to think of her as my “Houston Mom.” She treated me like a daughter, housed me and my friends, fed me, listened to me, and even picked me up from the airport in the middle of the night when my flight was delayed.

Jennifer and Catherine – who were each a friend of a friend – took the time to befriend a cancer patient and made me feel like I had friends in Houston. Becca left infant twins at home and drove hours to spend time with me in Houston. Friends flew in when I needed assistance during chemo – Marilyn, Amanda, Jenny, Melissa, Andrea and Tara each spent a week away from their jobs and families to care for me at my worst.

Our church family and my parents’ church family rallied around us with enormous amounts of food. Friends brought us dinner three nights a week for about seven months. Some friends even asked for a copy of my kids’ favorite recipes and prepared a family favorite. A group of Noel’s colleagues had pizza delivered to our home every Tuesday – our kids loved that! Our Providence Academy family provided freezer meals immediately following my diagnosis.

We received donations of cash and airline miles. Friends sent me treasured, thoughtful gifts. Several people made hats, including a pink knitted cap I wore every night. Nicole and Sarah fixed Sarah Kate’s hair on Sunday mornings when my husband dropped her off at Sunday school with a brush and bow in hand. Carol ironed our clothes. Friends visited me at chemo and during blood transfusions. My memory is a little fuzzy, but I remember visits from my mom, sister, mother-in-law, Crystal, Lynette, Evelyn, Laureen, Jamie, Eva and Jan. The “Henley’s Homies” participated in the Race for the Cure in my honor. The Mothers of Providence spent time on their knees praying for me.

My medical team was superb. Dr. Pope and Dr. Emily Hinton made a quick diagnosis that probably saved my life. Dr. Ravi and his staff at MD Anderson gave us hope of a medical cure. Dr. Vadhan and her attentive research nurses cared for me during the clinical trial. Dr. Rosenfeld, his fabulous nurse, Aimee, and the nursing staffs at Highlands Oncology and the infusion center all cared for me back home in Fayetteville. Dr. Hunt successfully removed the tumor after a team of compassionate radiation techs zapped the life out of it. Years later, Dr. Atwood put me back together again with reconstructive surgery.

In the years following treatment, friends continued to provide support. The Cancer Posse is an amazing source of encouragement and friendship. Mary Grace showed up just when I needed her. Carrie gives wise, compassionate counsel as I process the impact of cancer survivorship.

I wish I could list the names of everyone who brought us food, wrote a guestbook message online, commented on Facebook, emailed, texted, called or sent a card. I’ll never even know all those who prayed for me and put my name on church prayer lists.

Each and every one of you are a significant and meaningful part of my story. Together we are five-year survivors!

Share
« Previous Page
Next Page »

Welcome

marissahenley.com

I write to remind myself of the truth of God's promises. I share my writing here in case you need to be reminded sometimes, too.

Let's Connect!

Books

Books

Click the image above to learn more about Marissa's books: After Cancer and Loving Your Friend through Cancer

Recent Posts

  • The Journey After Cancer – CanCare Podcast {Guest Appearance}
  • Guest appearance – Bookish Talks with Lia Podcast
  • Finding Hope Amid Severe Illness {Guest Post for Ligonier Ministries}

Looking For Something?

Copyright © 2026 · Beautiful Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in