Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

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iPhone Detox Plan

May 21, 2012 by Marissa 3 Comments

Last week I wrote a confession about my iPhone addiction and how it is negatively impacting my parenting.  Since then, I’ve struggled a bit with how to write this post about the changes I’ve made.  I don’t want it to come across as boastful.  “Look at me!  I’m supermom!  I’ve deleted all my fun apps, and so should you, or you’ll never be as great a mom as me!”  This is not the statement I’m trying to make.  One of my purposes for this blog is that it exalts the name of Jesus Christ, not me.

 

So I want to start by saying that these are some rules I have imposed on myself because this little rectangular screen has become an idol.  Rules that I need because, despite spending months away from my kids battling a rare cancer that still threatens to take me from them someday, I often choose meaningless entertainment over spending these fleeting days and years wisely with the children whom God has entrusted to me.

 

Not exactly anything to boast about, right?  I didn’t think so.  Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here is my iPhone Detox Plan.

 

Here’s a BEFORE shot of my iPhone:

I realized that every time I turn on my phone to make a call or answer a text, I see those tempting little numbers by my email or Facebook or Words With Friends.  So reflexively, I tap to see who likes my status or how badly my grandmother is beating me at Words.  (Embarrassing, but true.)  Next thing I know, my six-year-old is talking to me, and I’m giving him the I’m-checking-facebook-and-pretending-to-be-listening-”uh-huh.”

 

(Side note:  My six-year-old feels the need to tell me pretty much everything he thinks, all day long.  Ten years from now, it will really come in handy if he still wants to do this.  So I should probably PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND LISTEN NOW.)

 

To fight against these distracting little numbers, I decided to hide them on the third screen of my iPhone.  This is what my home screen looks like now:

 Very boring, right?  I can call, text, look up a Bible verse, take a picture, check my calendar or to-do list, and renew library books.  (Not that the Bible is boring.  But you get the point.)

 

And if I want to browse Pinterest, check email, or play a game?  I have to swipe all the way to the third screen and open a folder titled “Are Kids There?”  How’s that for conviction??  These apps are all off-limits if my kids are around.

Here is the rest of my iPhone Detox Plan:

1.  I’m not carrying my phone around in my pocket anymore.  It stays on the kitchen counter, and I check it periodically.  If someone needs something urgent, they can call my home phone.  This eliminates the temptation to answer calls or texts while reading to my kids or to check email every five minutes when I get bored.

 

2.  When I’m out with my kids, my phone stays in my purse.  This applies to spending time with friends and date nights with Noel whenever possible.  No more Pinterest at the park.

 

3.  When I’m driving, my phone stays in my purse.  My bluetooth lets me know if I get a call and who it’s from.  I can even answer it hands-free if needed.  No more texting at stoplights!  I’ve asked my kids to hold me accountable on this one.

 

4.  I’m trying to reduce talking on the phone while driving with my kids and spend that time chatting with them while I have a captive audience.

 

5.  Unless it is a special situation, I am no longer answering call-waiting.  The person I’m talking to is important and deserves my attention.  (This doesn’t have anything to do with my kids or my iPhone.  But it’s part of life in 1982 that I miss–the ability to talk to just one person at a time.)

 

6.  My husband and I have decided that 6-8 p.m. will be phone-free and computer-free time in our home.  We are not militant about it, but we are trying to be more aware and really devote those hours to spending time together as a family.  I’m much more likely to read one more bedtime story if I know I can’t use my laptop for another 20 minutes anyway.

 

As I mentioned earlier, I have already broken these rules a few times.  I’m amazed at how reflexively I reach for my back pocket, how often I wonder if I have any email, how I feel compelled to read every text message within five seconds of hearing that chime.

 

Let’s be honest.  I am a housewife.  None of my emails are urgent.  But these kids are growing up at lightening speed, and in a few years, they won’t want to talk to me or play Monopoly with me or tell me every detail of the Magic Tree House book they just read.  That’s the urgent stuff, and I want my minute-to-minute choices to reflect that.

 

If you have felt convicted about technology use or another distraction in your life, what changes are you making?  Will you leave a comment and let me know?

 

To God be the glory.

 

 

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“Hang Up and Drive”: Motherhood Edition

May 14, 2012 by Marissa 1 Comment

Hello, my name is Marissa, and I am an iPhone addict.

 

I’ve known something was not right for awhile now.  I’ve tried putting away the laptop on the days my kids are home, but that didn’t seem to be enough.  Then recently, a friend shared this post from Hands Free Mama on Facebook.  Reading it was like getting hit in the gut.  It’s got me thinking about how truly enslaved I am to my electronic devices, especially my iPhone.

 

“Enslaved?  Really, Marissa?  That’s a little overboard.”

 

But think about it . . .

 

  • Can you go out to lunch with a friend for an hour, put your phone in your purse on silent and not even think about checking it?  Or do you worry that your husband might need something or your kid might puke at preschool?

 

  • Can you wait until you get ALL THE WAY home to check that text message, or do you grab your phone at the stoplight?  And of course, once you’ve read it, can you really keep that person waiting 20 minutes until you reply?

 

  • Can you leave your phone in the car while you take your kids to the park?  Or do you need something to entertain you while you sit on a bench or push them on the swings?  (Of course, if you just got a text, they will have to wait for that push.  You can’t push and text.  I’ve tried.)

 

  • How many times have you jumped up from reading a book to your kids because your phone summoned you with it’s little chime?

 

A week ago, my answers to these questions were embarrassing.  My eyes have been opened to my need for constant communication, my desire for interaction and entertainment, and the pressure I feel to be accessible to everyone at every moment.  And my kids are paying the price.

 

If you are my age or older, you remember a time when we all had those devices with the spiral cords hanging on our walls at home.  They didn’t have answering machines or call waiting or caller ID.  If you wanted to talk to someone, and they were at the grocery store or outside getting their mail or already talking to someone else, you had to call back later.

 

My mom never worried that the world might fall apart while she was at the grocery store.  She never had to make a decision about who was more important:  the person she was already talking to, or the person calling in on call-waiting.  When she took me to the park, she wasn’t checking Facebook or playing Words With Friends.  She didn’t have a contact list of hundreds of interesting people she could chat with while she drove me around town.

 

I’m planning a throw-back to 1982, y’all.  My kids deserve my full attention, and I don’t want to miss out on these years that they actually want to talk or play with me.  I refuse to let this little screen rule my life.

 

Stay tuned for my iPhone detox plan . . .

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Would you die for a criminal?

February 24, 2012 by Marissa Leave a Comment

Don’t you love those teaching moments with your kids when you realize they truly get it?  Like when Christopher was 3, and he had heard all about Jesus dying on the cross, but I was there for the moment that he realized that Jesus had risen from the dead . . . “You mean He’s ALIVE?!?  HOOORRRAAAYYY!!!”  His genuine exuberance brought tears to my eyes.

This morning, I was reading Romans 5 to the kids when we came across these verses:

Romans 5:6-8:  For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.  For one will scarcely die for a righteous person–though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die–but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  

I asked Christopher–and told him not to answer out loud–what he would do if a bad guy came into our house with a gun and told him that he was going to either kill him or his brother.  Who would he choose?  It would be a tough choice, wouldn’t it?  I told him that I would die for them, because they are my children, and I love them that much.  But there aren’t a lot of people I would die for.

Then I asked another question: “What if a bad guy broke into our house and stole all our stuff?  He would be our enemy, right?  And then what if another bad guy brought that bad guy in and gave you a choice.  The second bad guy would either kill you or the guy who stole all your stuff.  What do you choose?”

Christopher got excited.  He knew the answer to this one.  “The bad guy!”  he said enthusiastically, “He would definitely have to kill the bad guy, not me!”

The great thing about kids is that they rarely see where the illustration is headed until you lower the boom.

“Christopher, you are the bad guy.  That’s what these verses are saying.  We are sinners, and we were God’s enemies.  But Jesus said to the Father, ‘Kill me, not them.’  He died for us even though we were the bad guys.”

He was speechless, and I was almost in tears.  Hit with my own reminder of the unfathomable nature of the Gospel.  The crazy, true story in which the perfect, blameless Son of God dies for a bunch of wretched sinners like you and me.  The most amazing love story of all.

 

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RACK Recap

December 29, 2011 by Marissa 2 Comments

Our Random Acts of Christmas Kindness project is over for 2011, but my kids are still talking about it, pointing out ATM machines as we drive around town.  Our Christmas by December 1 effort really made the Random Acts of Christmas Kindness project possible, because I was relaxed and able to put the time into it.  Next year I’d like to plan ahead for the RACK project and have bags decorated and labeled for each day of December, like an Advent calendar, with cards inside to let the kids know what we are doing that day.  (See my friend Karen’s blog for photos of her bags.)

If you have never tried finishing your Christmas preparations early or Random Acts of Christmas Kindness, I would encourage you to consider it for 2012.  Just make a mental note or a note on your calendar to start planning for Christmas after you finish with back-to-school madness.  You won’t need to start shopping in September, but if you at least sit down then and map out what you need to do and when you are going to do it, you will be on the right track.

I’ve had a few people ask about our RACK cards.  Here is a PDF of the RACK cards I printed and taped to construction paper.

Here is a recap of what we did for RACK 2011.  I’m also labeling those that are easy to do with little kids (assuming you are in those places already, such as eating out or running errands), and those that can be done inexpensively.  You don’t have to get kids in and out of the car in the cold or leave large amounts of cash all over town to make a difference!

1.  Left money to pay for people behind us in line at a coffee shop (EASY)

2.  Left a huge tip for our waiter at a restaurant (EASY)

3.  Left money to pay for the person behind us taking photos with Santa (EASY)

4.  Left money for to pay for people behind us at the mall food court (EASY)

5.  Handed out candy canes to people in line on a busy day at the post office (SUPER FUN FOR KIDS, INEXPENSIVE)

6.  Delivered Starbucks and coffee cake to our pastor and church secretary . . . would be easier with kids if our church office had a drive-thru–ha!

7.  Sang Christmas carols in the chemotherapy room at the oncology clinic (ADVANCE PLANNING NEEDED BUT TOTALLY FREE–although we did hand out candy canes around the clinic, it was still inexpensive)

8.  Delivered Christmas treats to neighbors (INEXPENSIVE)

9.  Left Shell gift cards on gas pumps (EASY)

10.  Handed out candy canes to bell ringers while we ran errands (EASY, INEXPENSIVE)

11.  Taped candy canes to ATM machines (EASY, INEXPENSIVE)

12.  Took a plate of cookies to ER workers on Christmas Eve with a basket of candy canes for them to hand out to patients or other hospital employees (INEXPENSIVE)

Here are some other ideas we might try next year:

1.  Make cards to mail to military personnel overseas (ADVANCE PLANNING NECESSARY, BUT EASY AND INEXPENSIVE)

2.  Buy a candy bar for your cashier at the grocery store (EASY, INEXPENSIVE)

3.  Hand out balloons to kids at Target or Wal-mart–it’s a birthday party for Jesus!

4.  Pay for another table at a restaurant or someone behind you in a drive-thru line (EASY)

5.  Leave a gift for your mail carrier (EASY)

6.  Take flowers to residents at a nursing home

7.  Take baby supplies to the crisis pregnancy center

8.  Take coffee to the kids’ teachers in the morning

What other RACK are you planning for next year?

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I write to remind myself of the truth of God's promises. I share my writing here in case you need to be reminded sometimes, too.

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