Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

God Will Give the Wisdom You Need {No Matter What Monday}

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Few things in life have driven me to the Lord in prayer more regularly than parenting tweens. (Of course, I haven’t parented teens yet!) Parenting has never been easy. But it feels like the older my kids get, the less I know. And our world is changing so quickly that there are few resources to draw from. The articles and books I read overwhelm me as I realize that every child is different, every school is different, every situation is different.

I have no idea how to do this.

I wish parenting were my only area of confusion. I’ve got other questions: How many hours should I spend on activities that take me away from my family? How much should we be saving for retirement? What’s the best way to support my husband when he faces challenges at work? How do I talk to my kids about current events and the brokenness of our culture? How do I support a friend who’s going through a difficult situation?

Maybe you have tough questions, too. Here’s the good news: God has answers, and He’s willing to share them.

Job 12:13: With God are wisdom and might; he has counsel and understanding.

James 1:5: If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

God is full of wisdom. He knows the hearts of our loved ones. He knows our circumstances. He knows what’s best for us. He knows it all.

And God is generous with His wisdom. He promises to give us the wisdom we need when we ask Him.

In which areas of your life do you need answers? Where have you turning for answers? Friends? The internet? Your own feelings? You have a deeper well of wisdom from which to draw—the unsearchable depth of the Lord’s wisdom.

No matter what you face this week, God will give the wisdom you need.

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When We Slam into the Wall of God’s “Wait”

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When We Slam into the Wall of God's

 

There’s something I want.

 

My desire is materialistic, and no small matter, but almost everyone I’ve told agrees it’s a great idea. (I have very convincing arguments.)

 

Only one obstacle stands in the way: my husband isn’t ready for me to have it.

 

And I hate being told “not right now.”

 

When my husband first started voicing concerns, I didn’t pay much attention. I only heard the messages I was speaking to myself: “You deserve to be happy. There’s no reason not to fix this for yourself.”

 

Determined to get what I wanted, I repeatedly slammed into the wall of my husband’s hesitation. Arguments began. I trampled over his opinions, armed with the certainty that I was right.

 

But rather than crumbling my husband’s resolve, the Lord started to crumble mine. You probably know the feeling—those little bursts of conviction working on your heart.

 

I decided to invite an older, wiser friend to lunch and ask her advice. When I explained the situation, I had a feeling she wouldn’t say, “Just ignore what your husband thinks. Get what you want.”

 

And I was right.

 

My friend gently pointed out my wrong thinking, selfish attitude, discontentment, and lack of gratitude for what God’s already given me. She reminded me that I can trust God to give me good things. I can wait on Him, because His ways are perfect.

 

Did I know these truths? Absolutely.

 

Was I acting like it? Not one bit.

 

As we spoke, God lovingly pried these desires from my hands and placed them into His. I’m still tempted to grab them back sometimes. I start to worry that He won’t ever give me something I think is good for me.

 

In Matthew 6, we read about God’s care for the grass of the field and the birds of the air. And Jesus calls us out in our unbelief: “O you of little faith . . . do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all” (Matthew 6:31-32, emphasis mine).

 

Here’s the bottom line: Can I trust that what the Lord gives me is always best? Can I believe that what He withholds was never mine to begin with? Can I have faith that my heavenly Father will give me everything I need?

 

What do you want that God isn’t giving? Are you struggling to trust His provision? Will you join me in learning to trust that God gives us all we need? Can we put our good desires into His hands and leave them there, waiting on His timing and His perfect ways?

 

Let’s celebrate both that God can be trusted and that His grace covers all our unbelief as we struggle to trust Him more fully.

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When a Melted Heart Meets the Gospel

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Have you ever watched as God worked in a loved one’s heart right before your eyes? As a mom, I have the honor of seeing the Lord at work in my children’s lives, usually gradually and more slowly than I would choose. But last week, I witnessed God’s handiwork unfold in a matter of minutes.

 

As I was busy making dinner, I handed down a small behavioral correction to my 6-year-old daughter. A few minutes later, I overheard her confess to the dog that she thought she might go to hell because of the mistake. I left the barbeque pork chops, called her to me, and pulled her onto my lap at the kitchen table. Then I asked, “How good do you think you need to be to go to heaven?”

 

She shrugged.

 

“Do you have to be really good? Just a little good? More good than bad?”

 

More shrugging.

 

“Darling, did you know that God says we have to be perfect to go to heaven?”

 

Disbelief crept onto her face, and she asked in a small voice: “Perfect?”

 

“Yes,” I answered, “God is holy. He cannot be in the presence of sin. We must be sinless and perfect to be with Him in heaven.”

 

It was not the first time I have spoken these words to her. We’ve talked about the gospel truths of our sinfulness and need for Christ over and over again. Most of the time, she seems uninterested, and I’ve been asking God to soften her heart.

 

He must’ve not just softened it, but completely melted it. Because this time, upon hearing that God demands perfection, my sweet daughter started weeping.

 

Tears streamed down her face and the sound of her wailing brought her brothers from opposite ends of the house to see what was wrong. I shooed them away and tried to soothe her.

 

“There’s more, Sarah Kate, there’s more,” I said, as I held her and rubbed her back.

 

Because God’s demand for perfection isn’t the end of the gospel story.

 

When she was quiet, I continued. I explained how Jesus lived a perfect life for her. He died for her, taking the punishment for her sin. He’s given her His record of perfection. If she is in Christ, when God looks at her, He doesn’t see her sin – He sees Christ’s perfection.

 

Once again, her eyes filled with tears. But these quiet tears were accompanied by a smile. The truth of the gospel moved her from hopelessness and despair to quiet rest. It is so sweet to trust in Jesus.

 

She gets it. She gets it. I pray that she will be filled every day with an awareness of Christ’s work on her behalf. And yet, I know that she will struggle. She will feel the weight of the world’s demands, of the expectations of others, of her own desire for perfection. She will be distracted by busyness, by worry, and by materialism.

 

I know this because I’m living it. And my prayer for her is my prayer for myself: that we will live each day in the freedom of the gospel, knowing that God’s demands have been met perfectly by our Savior.

 

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40 Biblical Principles For Parenting

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Recently, I evaluated the books, advice, and paradigms which have influenced my parenting.  While I believe that parenting books and counsel from wise parents can be useful and good, I want to ensure that the primary impact on my parenting decisions comes from God’s Word.

 

I embarked on a search for resources that describe what the Bible says about parenting.  There are countless lists of verses to use when teaching your children to behave.  I already own and use many of these.  But I was looking for verses telling ME how to behave as a parent.  And this was surprisingly difficult.

 

I didn’t discover many resources that use Scripture to teach parents how to behave toward their children.  (However, one helpful publication I found was “A Checklist for Parents” by Pam Forster.)  Since no one else was going to make this easy for me, I decided to compile my own list.  Using Forster’s checklist and my own search of God’s Word, I wrote a list of biblical principles for my own parenting.  It turns out that the Bible has a lot to say to parents!  And so I thought I should share what I found, with the hope that other parents might be encouraged by it. 

 

Due to the large number of verses, I grouped them into four categories.  First, I have general biblical principles for parenting.  These are general principles regarding our role as parents.  Second, I have biblical principles for discipline.  These relate to how we discipline our children, since this is a topic addressed multiple times by Scripture.

 

Next, I listed principles for how we should relate to our children.  These principles apply to loving all our neighbors.  But they are important to consider, since following these biblical admonitions is often more difficult in our own home.

 

Finally, I listed principles for our personal spiritual growth.  As we grow in Christlikeness, our parenting will reflect that change.  Our children will benefit as we draw nearer to our Savior and deepen our understanding of God’s Word.

 

As you may have noticed, only a fraction of these verses speak directly to parents or the act of parenting.  As I studied, I started to realize that our cultural emphasis on parenting doesn’t seem to be reflected in Scripture.  We are preoccupied with parenting, because we are so afraid of getting it wrong.  I’m not saying that parenting isn’t important.  However, I think our cultural obsession with being a good parent might not be biblically accurate.  If we were primarily focused on growing in obedience to Christ and dependence on Him, I believe wise parenting would naturally flow from our submission to God and His Word.

 

This list is far from complete.  I’m certain that I could study God’s Word for years and still have more to learn about motherhood.  But there’s enough on this list to keep me busy long after my kids have grown up and started families of their own.  It’s a good place to start.

 

What biblical principles for parenting would you add to this list?  Leave me a comment with your ideas!

 

Click here for a downloadable PDF.

 

40 BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTING

 

1. General biblical principles for parenting: 

  • Pray for your children (specifically, for them to follow God’s commands)

(I Samuel 12:23, I Chronicles 29:19)

  • Give praise generously 

(Proverbs 3:27)

  • Pass on wisdom 

(Proverbs 4:11, Proverbs 31:26)

  • Teach your children to find their refuge in the Lord 

(Proverbs 14:26)

  • Tell your children of God’s wonderful deeds and His faithfulness 

(Psalm 78:4, Psalm 145:4, Isaiah 38:19)

  • Rightly handle the word of truth 

(II Timothy 2:15)

  • Teach them the Gospel and prepare them to recognize false doctrine

(Romans 1:16, Galatians 1:8-9)

 

2.  Biblical principles for discipline:  

  • Be diligent in discipline in order to drive out foolishness 

(Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:15, Proverbs 29:15)

  • Teach your children God’s commands 

(Deuteronomy 6:6-7, I Samuel 12:23, Psalm 103:18-19)

  • Reprove, rebuke and exhort with patience and teaching 

(Proverbs 3:12, II Timothy 4:2)

  • Set an example for your children and do not lead them into sin 

(Proverbs 20:7, Matthew 18:6, I Peter 5:2-3)

  • Restore them gently when they sin 

(Galatians 6:1-2)

  • Exhort and encourage them to walk in a manner worthy of God by loving  others and doing good works

(I Thessalonians 2:11-12, Hebrews 10:24)

 

3.  Biblical principles for relating to your children: 

  • Have compassion on your children and remember their weakness 

(Psalm 103:13-14)

  • Do not bear a grudge against them 

(Leviticus 19:18)

  • Love them with love that is patient and kind, not boastful or envious or rude, not irritable or insisting on your own way, bearing all things and rejoicing in the truth 

(I Corinthians 13:4-7)

  • Display the fruits of the Spirit toward your children (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness and self-control)

(Galatians 5:22-23)

  • Walk in a manner worthy of your calling by showing humility, gentleness, patience, and bearing with them in love 

(Ephesians 4:1-3)

  • Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouth 

(Ephesians 4:29)

  • Encourage them and give grace with your words 

(Ephesians 4:29)

  • Be reasonable and joyful 

(Philippians 4:4-5)

  • Be compassionate, kind, humble, meek, and patient 

(Colossians 3:12)

  • Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you 

(Colossians 3:13)

  • Lay down your life for them 

(I John 3:16)

  • Love in deed and truth and not just words 

(I John 3:18)

  • Love them as God has loved you 

(I John 4:11)

 

4.  Biblical principles for our own spiritual growth as parents: 

  • Seek God’s kingdom first 

(Matthew 6:33)

  • Love God and others 

(Matthew 22:38-39, Romans 13:9)

  • Walk with integrity 

(Proverbs 20:7)

  • Choose your advisors carefully and remain grounded in God’s Word

(Psalm 1:1-2)

  • Provide for your children and your household 

(II Corinthians 12:14, I Timothy 5:8)

  • Remember you will sow what you reap 

(Galatians 6:7)

  • Wives, submit to your husbands  

(Ephesians 5:22)

  • Fathers, do not provoke your children 

(Ephesians 6:4)

  • Do not be anxious about anything 

(Philippians 4:6-7)

  • Pray about everything 

(Philippians 4:6-7)

  • Think on what is true and right 

(Philippians 4:8)

  • Be thankful 

(I Thessalonians 5:18)

  • Draw near to the throne of grace to find mercy and grace to help in time of need 

(Hebrews 4:16)

  • Ask God for wisdom 

(James 1:5)

 

List of Scripture references*:  Leviticus 19:18; Deuteronomy 6:6-7; I Samuel 12:23; I Chronicles 29:19; Psalm 1:1-2, 78:4, 103:13-14, 103:17-18, 145:4; Proverbs 3:12, 3:27, 4:11, 13:24, 14:26, 20:7, 22:15, 29:15, 31:26; Isaiah 38:19; Matthew 6:33, 18:6, 22:38-39; Romans 1:16, 13:9; I Corinthians 13:4-7; II Corinthians 12:14; Galatians 1:8-9, 5:22-23, 6:1, 6:7; Ephesians 4:1-3, 4:29, 5:22, 6:4; Philippians 4:4-8; Colossians 3:12-13; I Thessalonians 2:11-12; I Thessalonians 5:18; I Timothy 5:8; II Timothy 2:15, 4:2; Hebrews 4:16, 10:24; James 1:5; I Peter 5:2-3; I John 3:16; I John 3:18; I John 4:11

*The above Scripture references can be copied and pasted into the search box on www.esvbible.org to read the entire list of verses.

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