Cancer Archives - Page 16 of 21

10 Ways to Pray for Your Friend with Cancer

March 17, 2016 by Marissa 4 Comments

(The following is an excerpt from my book, Loving Your Friend Through Cancer.)

During one of the most difficult times in my treatment for cancer, my friend Sarah had a dream that she shared with me. Here is her description of the dream, in her own words:

“We were in a very large cathedral-style church. The pews were packed with people, some I recognized from church, but many I did not recognize at all. Everyone was praying and writing. They were writing their prayers. At the front of the church the stage was some sort of hospital room and you were lying on a table with doctors and nurses bustling around you. I talked to one woman who said, ‘I don’t know Marissa personally, but I’m honored to be here to pray for her.’ I was amazed at the outpouring of prayer for you and your healing. Everyone was giving you their prayers after they wrote them down as they left the church. I peeked at some of the letters and they all began with praise to God by worshiping his Name (mighty God, everlasting Father, omniscient, all-powerful, etc., just like we’ve learned from Isaiah). SO AWESOME.”

Her dream was an encouragement to me at a time of intense struggle and sorrow, because I knew it accurately depicted what was happening before the throne of the almighty God. Thousands of people were interceding on my behalf, including many I have never met. I regularly received cards from strangers saying they were praying for me. I received dozens of small yellow postcards from the prayer room of a church in Tennessee, letting me know someone had prayed for me. I still don’t know who put my name on that prayer list in Tennessee, but I am thankful.

Nothing is as powerful as bringing your friend before the throne of her creator and redeemer. Interceding on her behalf before the Lord of the universe is one of the greatest gifts you can give her. Long after the doctors tell her she’s cancer-free, keep your friend on your list for frequent prayer. And if the Lord calls your friend home to heaven, keep fervently praying for her loved ones.

Let your friend know you are praying for her on a regular basis. But please don’t just say it flippantly—do it! Your prayers for your friend not only benefit her as you intercede for her, but they will also benefit you as the Lord works in your heart in the midst of your own grief.

Pray for healing for your friend, of course. But don’t stop there. Here are some additional ways to pray for your friend.

Pray for her to feel the closeness of the Lord as he strengthens, sustains, and comforts her (Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 62:1-2, Psalm 63:5-8).
Pray for wisdom for friends and family members to support and encourage her in ways she needs the most (James 1:5).
Pray against the feeling of isolation—physically, emotionally, and spiritually (Joshua 1:9, Hebrews 13:5b, Psalm 42, Psalm 56:8).
Pray for wisdom in making medical decisions so that the patient, family members, and doctors will not have any regrets (Psalm 112:7-8).
If she’s married, pray for God to strengthen her marriage and deepen her connection with her husband, and that she will look to the Lord to meet her needs when her husband falls short (Ephesians 5:22-23).
Pray that she would develop a deep and abiding trust in the Lord, not placing her hope in a particular outcome, but wholly in God’s character—his sovereignty, goodness, and faithfulness to her specifically in this situation (Isaiah 43, Jeremiah 31:3, Romans 8:38-39).
Pray that she will feel free to ask for help and support when she needs it, claiming the promise that God will meet all her needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
Pray for joy and peace as she grieves the loss of her health and her “before cancer” expectations for her life, and that she will not be anxious about the future (Romans 15:13, Lamentations 3:21-24, Philippians 4:6-8).
Pray that she will not waste her suffering, but be transformed and sanctified through the experience of suffering for God’s glory (Romans 8:28-29, Romans 12:1-2).
Pray that God will prepare her to comfort others with the comfort she is now receiving (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

You’ve just read one of the chapters of my book, Loving Your Friend Through Cancer. Want to learn more?

Do you need the perfect gift for a cancer-fighting friend?

March 10, 2016 by Marissa Leave a Comment

I had the privilege today to write for the Cancerwise blog of MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. The piece describes how to choose the perfect gift for a friend with cancer and provides suggestions for you to consider. This is a question I hear often from women who have friends facing cancer, and I hope it provides useful information!

Click here to read the article on Cancerwise, then let me know what you think!

When God Doesn’t Read the Memo

February 17, 2016 by Marissa Leave a Comment

Last month, I stood at the window of a downtown Memphis hotel room, looking down at a minor league ballpark as the memories came rushing back.

On a Thursday in March 2001, just before noon, I joined my husband and the rest of his medical school class as they stood near their assigned base at that ballpark, each clutching an envelope. Like a bizarre adult version of a sorority bid day, the envelopes contained news of where each graduating medical student would continue their training for the next several years.

I knew what our letter said. I had spent months praying and trusting God for that moment. I was confident that He had gone before us, working out the details of His good plans for us. God was good. God was in control. Therefore, I expected to get what I wanted.

At the strike of noon, my husband opened his envelope, and my plans all fell apart.

It took a minute for my brain to figure out what my eyes were seeing: Indiana University School of Medicine. Indiana? I looked up into the ballpark bleachers, racking my brain for a mental map of the United States. Where was Indiana?

Somewhere near those other “I” states, I thought, Illinois and Iowa, land of cold and corn and snow and nowhere close to anyone I know. That’s when the tears started, and I shoved my sunglasses over my eyes to hide my distress.

After driving home and changing the greeting on our answering machine—the most efficient way of spreading news in 2001—I climbed into bed, hid under the covers, and wept for most of the afternoon. I couldn’t understand what happened. I had plans. They were good plans: relationships, career, and ministry. I was confident that God approved. And yet, my plans had been ripped from my hands and torn to shreds.

In the following months, God showed me that I hadn’t been trusting Him at all. What I thought was trust in God’s plans was really trusting that God would get on board with my plans.

“For I know the plans you have for yourself,” declares the Lord, “And I’m here to give you what you want.” That was my personal rendition of Jeremiah 29:11.

Now standing in that Memphis hotel room, I could picture that 24-year-old Marissa, learning through her pain how to trust the Lord more deeply. The experience that hurt so badly at the time now looks like one of God’s greatest mercies to me.

He knew that ten years later, His plans would take a drastic turn from my plans once again. I would need to trust Him, not only with where I’d live for the next few years, but whether or not I’d live to raise my children.

My Heavenly Father knew I needed a decade of big and small lessons in surrender to build my confidence in His wisdom and faithfulness. In His kindness, He didn’t let me walk through the next decade with an incomplete understanding of what it meant to trust His plans.

How is God asking you to trust Him today? What would it look like to surrender your plans and genuinely trust His wisdom and faithfulness to you?

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Please don’t say THIS when someone tells you they have cancer

February 11, 2016 by Marissa 2 Comments

Hey friend, can we have a chat about how you respond when someone tells you that they are a cancer fighter or survivor? This might make you cringe, or hurt your feelings, but whatever you do, please don’t call and apologize if you’ve said this to me. I have chemobrain, and all is forgotten (and forgiven).

This is a grace-filled conversation for your benefit and for the benefit of those you will meet in the future. I love my cancer-fighting brothers and sisters, and I want to help you respond to them with the love and support they need. So I’m having this hard conversation out of love for you and for them.

Here we go . . .

I’ve noticed that many times when I tell people I had cancer, their first question goes something like this: “How did you find out you had it? Did you have symptoms? Did you find a lump?”

I understand this reaction. I know I’ve reacted the same way when I’ve heard about someone else’s suffering. For most of us, our first response is to any piece of news is to wonder how it relates to ourselves.

If you wonder how I know this, it is because I am the most selfish person on this planet. I relate everything to myself. God is working on me in this, but I’ve got a long way to go. In the meantime, I get it. I understand why people respond this way to the news that a healthy, 34-year-old mom could suddenly be plagued by a rare, life-threatening disease.

But when I have this interaction with someone, it feels like this conversation happened:

Me: “I went through something hard. It was life-changing and difficult. It still affects me. I’m bringing you into my pain by sharing this with you.”

The Other Person: “I’m scared of this hard thing happening to me. What if it’s happening now, and I don’t realize it? Holy crap! I’m doing monthly self-exams. Please tell me that you weren’t, so I can feel better.”

Listen, I don’t want you worrying about the times you have responded this way to someone’s cancer story, especially if it was mine. (I seriously don’t remember.)

But now that you know, you can respond differently next time. I want my cancer-fighting sisters to have you hear their story and respond with love and compassion.

When someone tells you they have/had cancer, first have the “holy-crap-I-hope-that-doesn’t-happen-to-me” moment inside your head. Then focus on the person who has just shared their pain and show your concern for their current well-being.

If the diagnosis is recent, you could ask them how they’re feeling today, how they’re coping with the news, or how they are feeling about the next steps. If their story is in the past, ask them how they’ve grown or changed as a result, how their health is today, or what they’d like others to know about their experience.

Thanks for helping to love our cancer-fighters better. It’s a tough road to navigate, and we need to stick together. They deserve our very best support!

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