writing Archives - Marissa Henley

Author interviews highlight Loving Your Friend through Cancer

July 19, 2018 by Marissa Leave a Comment

I’ve done two interviews recently and would love for you to check them out for behind-the-scenes info about Loving Your Friend through Cancer!

First, I answered questions from Lynne Hartke. She’s a writer, speaker, cancer survivor, and author of Under a Desert Sky: Redefining Hope, Beauty, and Faith in Hardest Places. You can find the interview here on her blog.

I also did an interview with my publisher, P&R Publishing. If you’re curious about my favorite food or my advice for aspiring writers, you can find that interview here on their blog.

My Broken Brain for God’s Glory

June 23, 2016 by Marissa Leave a Comment

My brain is broken.

It’s been five years since I had chemo, but I still wrestle with neurological side effects of chemobrain. My struggles cause frustration and anxiety about making a fool of myself. The extra effort required to remember and recall information exhausts me. I even wonder if my weakness will hinder me from fulfilling what God has called me to do for Him.

I’ve experienced Pregnancy Brain and Mommy Brain, but chemobrain is even worse. I read about a study that proved the long-term effects of chemotherapy on the brains of some survivors. I have been dealing with these effects for years, so it’s comforting to know it’s not just in my head! (Sorry-not-sorry for the pun!)

One of the difficulties I have is that my brain has a hard time switching gears. My recall is slow, and if I ask my brain to switch from one department to another, it slams on the brakes. Last year, a dear friend of mine from church was diagnosed with cancer. I was sending emails and texts to our circle of friends to set up a meal calendar. One day, at a school function, a friend asked me, “How’s Ashley doing?” I stared at her. I had NO CLUE who she was talking about! A few minutes later, I remembered my school friend was also a church friend. She was asking about the very friend whose recent cancer diagnosis was consuming my thoughts, just not at that moment.

I’m tempted to view these mental struggles as a disqualification for certain tasks. I recently shared my cancer story in a podcast interview. It was a great opportunity to bring God glory by talking about what He’s done in my life. But thinking on the fly while being interviewed terrifies me.

When I write, if I can’t think of the word I need, I can use a thesaurus or come back to it later. If I’m asked to speak, I can write out the talk and practice it over and over. But getting words right spontaneously, especially if I’m nervous – that’s just not my strength right now.

Before the interview, my stomach was a ball of knots as I wondered if I’d be able to speak eloquently or if my brain would go on strike. I asked several friends to pray for me. I laid the interview in the Lord’s hands and asked Him to glorify Himself through me.

As I reflect on the interview, 2 Corinthians 12 comes to mind. Paul writes that God gave him a thorn in his flesh to keep him from becoming conceited about the revelations he received. He pleaded with the Lord to remove it, and the Lord said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (verse 9a). Paul continues, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (verse 9b).

Chemobrain is one of the thorns in my flesh. I feel weak and disqualified from certain aspects of God’s calling in my life. However, my struggles force me to rely on the Lord’s wisdom and strength. If I was confident in my ability to speak spontaneously, I wouldn’t have asked friends to pray. I would have stolen God’s glory for myself when the interview went smoothly. Because of this thorn, I know it was God at work through my words and not my own skill.

God is teaching me to boast in my weakness and glorify His strength. If my identity is rooted in my attempts at perfection and my confidence is in my strength, then the thought of failing in front of others is terrifying. I will wear myself out trying to maintain a façade of having it all together. I’ll avoid tasks that might expose my weakness.

But when my identity is rooted in Christ’s perfection and my confidence is in God’s strength, I am free to say, “I have no clue what you’re talking about right now. Can you slow down and help my brain catch up?” Rather than becoming frustrated or embarrassed, I can use my broken brain to boast about the Lord’s power. I can boldly take risks and trust the Lord to use me for His glory, even if I fail.

I hate admitting weakness. But God is teaching me to boast all the more in my limitations instead of trying to hide them. He is using this thorn in my flesh to point me to the truth of who I am in Christ. My Heavenly Father can even use a broken brain for my good and His glory.

What deficiencies or shortcomings do you fear being exposed? How is fear holding you back from tasks or ministry God is calling you to? What would change if your confidence was in the Lord’s strength rather than your own?

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If you’d like to hear my podcast interview with Amy Bennett, you can listen on her website.

On Writing a Book and Why I’m Terrified

October 2, 2015 by Marissa 7 Comments

The other day, I was talking to a friend about my kids’ piano lessons. Every Friday, I drop them off at their teacher’s house for almost two hours. My friend asked, “What do you do while they’re there?” I think my answer surprised her:

“I’m writing a book.”

It’s true. With an hour here and a couple hours there, at Mama Carmen’s coffee shop and the new Starbucks near my house, I have written almost an entire book on how to be a friend to someone with cancer.

For the first several weeks of focused writing, I wouldn’t refer to it as a book. I knew I was writing a book – the goal was a book, not just pages – but I had a hard time admitting it to others.

My bestie would ask, “What did you do today?”

And I’d say, “I wrote some more pages for that thing that could be a book someday!”

And she’d reply, “YOU’RE WRITING A BOOK. JUST SAY YOU WORKED ON YOUR BOOK!”

But the truth is, I don’t want to say that I’m writing a book. Because writing a book is possibly one of the top three most terrifying things I’ve ever done.

(Having chemo that required countless injections, a clinical trial, and blood transfusions every time I turned around was the most terrifying. Giving birth to my first child was a close second. I would stare at my huge tummy and think, “How in the world is that thing gonna get out of there?!? And what will I DO with it when it does?!?!?”)

It might sound silly that writing a book makes the list of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done, right up there with pumping poison into my body and becoming a mother for the first time.

The reason I’m terrified is that I am an Approval Addict. I want people to think highly of me, and I can’t stand it when they don’t. The things that upset me the most are: 1. death, 2. cancer, and 3. someone not liking me. I’m so ridiculous.

And in the arena of earning others’ approval, lots of things could go wrong with this book.

– My friends could be disappointed to find out this isn’t the book they were hoping I’d write.

– My friends could love it, but when people who know about publishing books (by the way, anyone know any of those people?!?) read it, they could say it’s worthless.

– It might not sell.

– It might get bad reviews.

– People might look at me and see failure.

– People might look at me and think I must be a snob who thinks she’s really something because she wrote a book.

– People might expect me to be the Best Friend Ever to someone with cancer because I wrote a book about it, when the truth is that I fail my friends with cancer on a regular basis.

And yet, I know that God has called me to write this book and pursue getting it published – but not so that I can earn the approval of men. He wants me to write to serve His people and for His glory.

The only way I can do this is to rest in the truth that in Christ, I am fully approved by God. I am loved by God with an unquenchable, never-ending love – not because of anything I have done, but only because of what Christ has done. When I stand in that amazing love, I can be free to write a book and take this risk with my eyes on His glory, not my own. I want to get out of the way and make much of Him.

Would you pray for me?

Pray for the courage to finish the book and take the next steps. (I know how to write. But I have no idea how to get a book published. So this is getting scarier and scarier.)

Pray that God would use what I’ve written to minister to His people for His glory.

Pray that I would rest in His love for me, free from the chains of others’ approval and bold in what God asks me to do.

On Blogging (and Not Blogging)

January 19, 2015 by Marissa 3 Comments

Well, look at that–I’m writing a blog post. It’s been awhile. I’m feeling conflicted lately about blogging. I’ve been writing, but not sharing my thoughts online like I used to. And recently, I asked myself why.

It’s fear, plain and simple. Fear of what others think. Fear that others might think I’m trying to be a super-blogger, a fabulous writer with a large following. And obviously, if I were aiming for that, I would be failing miserably. I’m not even sure that my husband or my mom read my blog.

It’s fear that no one cares what I have to say. Or that they will think it is stupid or lame or silly. There’s nothing special about me or my writing. I’m no longer a mom with cancer. I don’t have deep thoughts or grand ideas or new insights or beautiful stories to share. My thoughts are no more interesting than yours, and at best, I’m maybe an above-average writer. So why should I blog? Why should you spend time reading it?

It’s fear of adding to the massive amounts of information in the blogosphere. I often feel the need to unplug from all the voices clamoring for my attention and just be quiet with God’s Word. Maybe you feel that way, too. I’m not helping matters by adding to the voices.

It’s fear of thinking too much of myself. I already struggle with thinking of myself too often. I don’t need to spend more time thinking of how valuable I am (or my writing is) in the eyes of others.

And yet, God has given me the ability to write. He’s given me a willingness to share my writing with others. He’s given me a husband who knows how to make a website. I feel God calling me to share these things.

I love to write as a way to process what I’m thinking, feeling and learning. I’d love to process these things further with people around me. So if you know me personally, I’d love you to ask me more about what I write here. Let’s have coffee and chat! Challenge me, question me, ask me how I’m living out what I’m learning and writing. Share with me how you’re struggling or being challenged by the Lord. I’d love that!

So I will share and pray that God will use it in whatever way He chooses. And I will ask Him to enable me obey His command to have no fear.