Marissa Henley

Encouraging weary women to hope in Christ alone

When We Slam into the Wall of God’s “Wait”

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When We Slam into the Wall of God's

 

There’s something I want.

 

My desire is materialistic, and no small matter, but almost everyone I’ve told agrees it’s a great idea. (I have very convincing arguments.)

 

Only one obstacle stands in the way: my husband isn’t ready for me to have it.

 

And I hate being told “not right now.”

 

When my husband first started voicing concerns, I didn’t pay much attention. I only heard the messages I was speaking to myself: “You deserve to be happy. There’s no reason not to fix this for yourself.”

 

Determined to get what I wanted, I repeatedly slammed into the wall of my husband’s hesitation. Arguments began. I trampled over his opinions, armed with the certainty that I was right.

 

But rather than crumbling my husband’s resolve, the Lord started to crumble mine. You probably know the feeling—those little bursts of conviction working on your heart.

 

I decided to invite an older, wiser friend to lunch and ask her advice. When I explained the situation, I had a feeling she wouldn’t say, “Just ignore what your husband thinks. Get what you want.”

 

And I was right.

 

My friend gently pointed out my wrong thinking, selfish attitude, discontentment, and lack of gratitude for what God’s already given me. She reminded me that I can trust God to give me good things. I can wait on Him, because His ways are perfect.

 

Did I know these truths? Absolutely.

 

Was I acting like it? Not one bit.

 

As we spoke, God lovingly pried these desires from my hands and placed them into His. I’m still tempted to grab them back sometimes. I start to worry that He won’t ever give me something I think is good for me.

 

In Matthew 6, we read about God’s care for the grass of the field and the birds of the air. And Jesus calls us out in our unbelief: “O you of little faith . . . do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all” (Matthew 6:31-32, emphasis mine).

 

Here’s the bottom line: Can I trust that what the Lord gives me is always best? Can I believe that what He withholds was never mine to begin with? Can I have faith that my heavenly Father will give me everything I need?

 

What do you want that God isn’t giving? Are you struggling to trust His provision? Will you join me in learning to trust that God gives us all we need? Can we put our good desires into His hands and leave them there, waiting on His timing and His perfect ways?

 

Let’s celebrate both that God can be trusted and that His grace covers all our unbelief as we struggle to trust Him more fully.

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The Most Selfish Thing I Do

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I do a lot of selfish things.  I talk too much and interrupt people.  I throw adult-style, sophisticated temper tantrums when things don’t go my way.  I spent way too much time and money caring for myself, my reputation and my stuff.  I’ve known this for a long time.

But recently, I realized that there’s another way selfishness manifests itself in my life.  Every day.  Sometimes every hour.

 

I worry.

 

I worry about myself.  I worry about other people.  I worry about the weather, about the future, about the past.  And what is at the root of almost all of these worries?  Me.

Why do I worry about my future? Because I don’t want to experience suffering.  I try to figure out a way around hardship, because I don’t like it when life is difficult or sad or confusing.  I want an easy, happy life.

Sometimes, worry masquerades as concern for others.  But it’s mostly about me.  I worry about my husband, because I want him to be perfect so I don’t have to struggle in our marriage.  I worry about my children, because I don’t want to experience the pain of their bad choices.  I worry about my friend with cancer, because I will be sad if she dies.  I worry about the weather, but only when it is going to interfere with my plans.  I worry about world events that might someday impact me and my family.

 

Me.  Me.  Me.  Me.  Me.

 

Seeing the depth of selfishness associated with my worrying helps me to see why the Bible tells us not to worry.  Over and over again:  do not fear, do not be anxious about anything, do not worry about tomorrow.

The Lord knows that when we are worrying, we are focused on ourselves.  He wants us to be focused on Him, trusting Him, accepting what He gives with a peaceful heart.  He knows that what we need more than a happy, easy life is a quiet heart that is resting in Him.

 

You keep him in perfect peace

        whose mind is stayed on you,

        because he trusts in you.

Trust in the LORD forever,

        for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.

Isaiah 26:3-4

 

 

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Therefore

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Romans 12:1-2:  Therefore, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

Our pastor has been preaching through Romans.  It has been so good.  I think if I could only have one book out of the Bible, I’d pick Romans.  I could read every day about what a wretched sinner I am (Romans 1 and 3), how God chose to save me through the death of His Son, Jesus Christ (Romans 3:23-25, 5:8, 10:9), that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1), and that NOTHING can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38-39).

Last Sunday, we arrived at Romans 12.  The big “Therefore . . . ”  News as fabulous and life-changing as the Gospel requires a response.  And Romans 12 tells us that our response of gratitude for what God has done for us is to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice and be transformed by the renewing of our mind.

I’ve been thinking about these verses for a few days now and pondering how my mind needs some renewal.  When I first found out that I was cancer-free and finished with treatment, I was overflowing with joy.  Anyone who asked how I was doing would get an earful about all the wonderful things God had done.

But as time goes on, discontentment and anxiety start to creep in.  I stop being thrilled to have hair and start to envy the long, beautiful hair of others.  I look around me and feel jealous of those who don’t have to go to Houston every three months for a CT scan, who don’t have to think about cancer returning, and who blissfully assume they will hold their grandchildren someday.  I start to hold on tightly to my own plans instead of being thankful for today and trusting tomorrow to the Lord because He knows best.

I hate sin.  It is so ugly.  Especially mine.

When I read, “offer your bodies as living sacrifices,” it sounds like I need to give myself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, to the One who created me and His perfect will.  I need to say, “God, because I have received your mercy and grace in Christ, I know You are good and Your ways are perfect.  You can let this body be devoured by cancer or live 50 more years–whatever brings more glory to Your name.”  Do I have the courage to say that?  Some days I don’t, some days I do–only by the power of the Holy Spirit.

To offer my body as a living sacrifice, I need my mind to be renewed.  I’ve decided that when those envious or anxious thoughts creep in, I will focus my mind on something God has done to show His faithfulness to me, especially during my 9-month-long cancer battle.  I will choose not to be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed, so I can proclaim that God’s will is indeed good, pleasing and perfect.

To God be the glory.

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Thorns in the Flesh

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This summer I’m studying Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George with some wonderful friends of mine.  There are many potential blog posts coming out of this book.  This week, our study provided a fresh look at 2 Corinthians 12:7-10:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

The question asked, “What did Paul ask God to do about [the thorn in his flesh]?”  He pleaded three times for it to be removed.  (Really, just three times?)  The next question asked, “What was God’s response?”  Uh, the answer was a big fat NO.  But there’s more than that.  God’s “no” was that His grace and power were sufficient for Paul as he dealt with this struggle.

There are a few “thorns” in my life right now that I have been pleading with God to remove.  And to be honest, I’ve been a little frustrated that they are still around.  But after studying this passage, I don’t see God being silent about my trials, both self-inflicted and other-inflicted.  I know that if these trials and temptations persist, it is for my good and His glory as He is making me more like Christ.  If that were not the case, He would have removed them.  As I walk through the difficulties, He has promised that His grace is sufficient for each one.

We ask, “Lord, please heal my family member.”

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

We plead, “Lord, please fix my financial difficulties.”

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

We cry, “Lord, please save my unbelieving loved one.”

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

I find Paul’s attitude toward God’s graceful “no” to be very convicting.  As I continue in my difficulties, my attitude should not just be tolerating them and getting through them as quickly as possible so I can move on to something happier.  Following Paul’s example, I am called to be content and even boast in my weaknesses and struggles, because they showcase God’s power and goodness.  What a lofty goal . . . one that I could definitely only attain by God’s power and not my own.

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